Chapter 1: What are the highlights of the 500th episode celebration?
Made it off. Let's see if I can get away.
I think I can.
Oh, yeah, a little Van Halen for you. Wrapping up a long night here in the WSHIT studios. I'm Jizzy Jeff Quackenbush. One more time. Traffic and weather before Hambone and Oatley. You know you want it. You know you need it. It's Friday morning. If you're anything like me, you're going to take a little nap and tune in. Make sure that Hambone and Oatley are staying on the street and narrow.
Coming back from a long, quite frankly, a long day. Long time off due to that pig stunt they did, but I'm happy to have them back here in the studio. You know, they took my job, but that's okay. I don't want to worry anybody else to worry about it. Let's get into it. One last check of traffic and weather with our lady in the sky, Julia Barkin Pussy. Julia, how's it looking up there?
Everything's real good up here, Jizzy Jazz. Good to see you. And it's great to have Hambone and Holy back in the morning. WSHIT checking the traffic here in Crabapple, the local Crabapple area. Don't see too much trouble. All the pedestrian areas are good. All the streets are clear, as usual. Most people going to work late.
today it's friday but you do have a little bit of a backup in front of tina tan and tweeze as they start anal bleaching this week they're at the uh tina tan and tweeze so get 20 off when you mention w-s-h-i-t uh yeah nothing else to report it's a great day weather-wise minus 32 degrees another six feet of snow uh due in this weekend but that's okay we know how to roll here at uh crab apple you know how it goes
I'll send it back to you in the studio, Jizzy Jazz, and I'm super excited to have Hambone and Holdley back in the morning.
Fuck yeah. Excuse my language. Fuck yeah, Hambone and Holdley in the morning. I got a couple more minutes of safe harbor. Put your earmuffs on, kids, if that's what you're for. So let's take a short break here on WSHIT, and then we'll be back with Hambone and Holdley in the morning. They make their triumphal return on a Friday morning.
Oh, yeah, 6 a.m. in the morning, WSHIT, the greater crab appler is happy to have us back. I can feel it in my boners.
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Chapter 2: What are the signs that someone might be cheating?
All right. Back from a little two-week unsolicited vacation. I just want to say one more time, I'm really sorry to anybody we offended with that pig. We didn't mean to get it pregnant. But everything's turning out okay for the pig. Free veterinary services by Crabapple's Finest. You know that guy down there? Dr. Dimple working his magic at the veterinary clinic.
Got a ton of new music this morning. Got a ton of new music this morning on Ambon and Oatly. I can't wait. We didn't mean to make it breakfast. Don't worry about the pregnant thing, Holy. We got a show to do. All right. Oink, oink. Oink, oink indeed. Those little honky babies be coming out any time. Lots of new music and lots of new pig babies coming your way. That's right, Ampone.
But don't you worry. Caller number seven, caller number lucky number seven is going to get tickets to see Dee Snider solo at the Crab Apple Amphitheater. And who doesn't want to go see Dee Snider solo? I'm telling you what, that guy can still kick it. I don't know what's in his pants, but man, it's not a bass guitar. I'll tell you that much. That's right, Ambo.
That guy was wearing Lululemon long before it was cool. You know what I'm saying? And besides the thinning hair, he seems to be doing okay for himself. I mean, who doesn't want to play the Crabapple Amphitheater? There's two or three hundred seats in there. Jesus. He's hit the big time coming to Crabapple. That's right, Holy. Oh, my God, Hambone. I really missed you. I missed you, too.
Two weeks off. I didn't know what to do with myself. I had to stay up late, go to bed early. If you know what I mean, that's how it works. That's right. Speaking of, would you pass that plate of Coke over here? Oh, yeah, of course. Just feel free to do it on your own. High energy. That's what we like to bring here to Hambone and Oatley in the morning.
I'd like to thank the general manager of WSHIT for allowing us a third chance here at the Morning drive time slot.
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Chapter 3: How does Frankie suggest identifying cheating behavior?
I'd also like to remind anybody who's going to the D. Snyder, Big D. Snyder Fest over there at the Crabapple Amphitheater that the Sheriff's Office, Crabapple Sheriff's Office, does recommend you leave all glass pipes at home this time because of the incident last time. That's right, Hambone. That's right. It was terribly unfortunate. Yeah, there was a big bust. Big bust.
And it happened at the Foreigner concert, and it left Foreigner with just three or four people to play for. And let me tell you, Foreigner is a hot ticket at Crabapple. That's it. Foreigner. That's what I want to see. You can't beat Foreigner. No, you can't beat Foreigner. You know what can beat Foreigner? A stick. That's what can beat Foreigner. Hey, now. All right. I love it. I love it. Friday.
It's Friday. Friday. Saturday, Sunday. Speaking of Foreigner. You know, I laid some pipe last night. I was telling my girl. I was saying, hey, you know what I'd like to see? You know what I'd like to hear? That brand new song by James called Laid. I mean, what is that? We're naming songs Laid now. I like it. In the 21st century. We're pulling it in. We're pulling in. We're pulling in.
We got James. We got crash test dummies. We got brand new cranberries. You heard it here last, folks. You heard it here last. Michael Jackson's newest album, Thriller. It's all exciting. It's all coming up today on Hambone and Oatly in the morning. But first, I want to check the time. 6.03 in the morning. And I want to check the weather. That's shitty. Don't worry about it.
Chapter 4: What humorous anecdotes are shared about relationships?
It's Friday. We've been waiting all week for the weekend. We have been waiting all week for the weekend. As we do every week, my friend Chrissy. I don't know if you've been reading about this Kate Middleton, but she can't be found. I know. It's crazy. I mean, she's missing somewhere. That girl wouldn't be missing if she was with me. I'll tell you that right now.
I'd wrap her up in some kind of tingle, tangle, twangle. You know what I'm saying? That girl would be hanging from the back of my door. I know you, Hamby. You're so naughty. What a spicy piece of sausage that one is. Hey, speaking of pepperoni... This show is sponsored in part by the good people at Crab Apple Pizza. Crab Apple Pizza. That's not that good, but it's what we got.
Delivered in 30 minutes or less. Delivered in 30 minutes or less because no one usually orders. I'd also like to say that the people at Crab Apple Pizza would like to apologize for so much plastic in their Saturday pizzas. Seems they forgot to take the wrappers off. But we'll forgive them. It's great pizza over there. It's not great pizza, but it's fine. It'll do. It'll do. What else we got?
Since Papa John's pulled out of town, there's no other choices. Oh, Hambone, I missed you. I missed you, too. And I'd just like to say to the good people at Papa John's, I really don't think that was arson. I really don't. I think that was an accidental fire. Why'd you have to run so fast? I mean, now you're leaving us with crab apple pizza. 50% off! Parties of 12 or more.
Crab apple pizza after the Dee Snider Fest over there. Crab apple amphitheater. Remember, call number 7. You're going to win two free tickets. A styrofoam igloo cooler, one package of free ice from the local Sitco, Crabapple Sitco, and six, I count them, six Zimas in a glass bottle, of course. That's a great prize pack. That is a great prize pack.
I tell you what, nothing like a Saturday night Dee Snider and some Zima to get you going. Woo! If that doesn't tickle your twinkle berries, I don't know what will. 6.04 in the morning. Only six hours left to go. I thought I'd remind everybody. If you're looking for something to do this Saturday night, go ahead and watch the big game over at Barney's.
Barney's, the only pub in town that legally sells alcohol. And this week, you know who they have playing? Jason Fartin' Knife. And I don't know if you've seen a good Fartin' Knife set, but... He used to play some of the greatest covers ever. I have not, Hambone, but I know you have. Oh, I have. That's where I get the good stuff. I'll be heading down to Yuckels. Yuckels? Comedy club.
Comedy club and dating service. That's right. Yeah, I've met a few ladies through the Yuckels. And let me tell you something. That is a legit service right there. If you are looking for local crabapple singles that fit the bill, there is no other place to go except Yuckels. Comedy store and dating service. That is a fantastic place. They also serve some great margaritas over at Yucca's.
Bring your own wine. I love a good margarita. It's more like a wine-rito, but, you know, it's something. It'll do. Listen, you know what I say, Chrissy? You know what I've said all my entire time here at WSHIT? Lube it up. Doesn't matter what it is. Lube it up. Well, hold on, Hambone. That's what got us in trouble with the pig. Well, listen...
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Chapter 5: What advice is given about handling relationship issues?
I agree. All that barking just makes me feel at home. And by the way, a benefit of going and getting your massage at the local vet tech, you leave without fleas. So that's the good news. Guys, we get a flea oil massage, 20% off. You mentioned WSHIT, Hambone, and Oatly in the morning. Tell them Hambone sent you. Tell them Hambone sent you. Tell them there's nothing like a bone. Hambone.
My manager, general manager here at WSHIT, also wanted us to mention that this week is Crabapple Scooter Safety Week, Chrissy. Oh, of course it is. Yes, make sure all the little ones... Snuck up on me. Oh, yeah. Well, listen, every year it comes and it goes and it seems like time flies by. There's nothing like a good Scooter Appreciation Week, Scooter Safety Appreciation Week.
I just want to remind all the little tykes out there, put a helmet on. And that goes for the big tykes, too. Everybody put a helmet on. Cover it up. Yeah, so ladies, you need knee pads? I know where to get them. You know what I'm saying? All right. Cha-cha-cha. Hey. It's a big Friday here. You're on fire, hand bone. Hey, listen. What can I say? Two weeks off, this is what comes out.
When you've literally been awake for two weeks, what did you expect? I wasn't going to come in here taking a nap, that's for sure. I've got to keep my job. I've got to feed those 12 children and the three I don't count. Hey, listen, that reminds me. Crabapple Adoption Services is now open five days a week. Drop your kids off. No explanation needed. What a service. What a great service.
What a world. Yes. What a town. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else other than Crabapple. Why would you go anywhere else but Crabapple? 500 strong. 500 people strong. We've got this 10-watt megastation right here in the middle of it. We're the only game in town.
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Chapter 6: How do the hosts reflect on their podcast journey?
Unless you want to go watch television or something like that. Why would you? Everybody's got a radio in their car, right? Radio's not dying, is it? No, that's right. Not with Hambone and Oatley in the morning, I'll tell you that much right now. And hey, while you're stopping by the adoption services, make sure to go next door to the public health services.
I also wanted to remind you, it's that time of year to get your syphilis shot. Of course, we've had a terrible run with syphilis the last six or seven years. I think I know who to blame. That koala. That koala. That's right. That's the last time we got suspended. That fucking koala. He was climbing every tree, every tin pole. Anything that popped up, that koala was climbing. But he's wild.
I know. They say they eat eucalyptus, but I'm not so sure. He was guzzling something else altogether. All right, so let's do this. I think we should take a short break. Before the FCC kicks us off again. I think we should take a short break, and then we'll come back with more high shenanigans here on WSHI. What do you think? It's the Morning Zoo Crew. It's the Morning Zoo Crew. Happy Friday. Woo!
Happy Friday. Hambone and Oatley in the morning. Our 500th episode of Hambone and Oatley. We're so glad you're taking the ride with us. We'll be right back. Hambone and Oatley. Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I know you're already on your phone. So pull up Instagram and follow us at The Commercial Break. And then follow us on TikTok at TCB Podcast. Done? Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-433-3TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story, or anything really, we're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-433-3TCV.
And don't forget to check out TCVpodcast.com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break. Well, 500 episodes, Chrissy. It's been quite the amazing ride. Sorry, I didn't realize you didn't have your headphones on. I didn't realize you weren't ready. I was getting my celebratory drink. Yeah, there you go.
Look at you. Cheers. Cheers to 500. Yeah. They make a peach? A little peach. A little peach spritzer? A little peach spritzer. That's Kettle One. They're getting... creative with those drinks. They are. Yeah, there's a spritzer for everything. Yeah, we just had Boone's Farm when we were kids. You know what I'm saying? Like some thick cherry syrup.
You know how they make, what do they call them, the Shirley Temples? I think that's what Boone's Farm was. Really bad white wine with Shirley Temple juice. I'm pretty sure of it, actually. I think you're right. It was absolutely disgusting. Now those things taste actually good. They do. They taste like seltzer water, flavored seltzer water. Then you just get drunk all of a sudden. So...
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Chapter 7: What insights are shared about the impact of podcasting?
The answer is no. We could really mine that notebook. Yeah, we could. But I mean, what's in there of worth value? Brian bitching and ideas that never made us money in the first place. Ideas that we tried for one minute. It didn't make us any money anyway. Oh, 500. 500 episodes. I don't know what to say.
I think that it goes probably without saying, but I'll say it anyway because we need to kill time. Yeah. That all of you, every one of you that have been listening from the beginning, from the middle, from the end, however long you have been listening, Chrissy and I are grateful from the bottom of our hearts, in all sincerity. Absolutely.
There is no way we would have gotten to 500 episodes unless you, the listeners, had been there on the other end. Because quite frankly, it's pretty discouraging to do a podcast with no listeners. But for 500 episodes, for sure. Yeah, for 500 episodes. But for about 427 of those, it was true. We had no listeners. So thank you very much for listening.
Thank you, my friend, for taking this incredibly fucking wild ride with me. As it has. I have to say this. I am pretty fucking proud of us. Yeah. Because I've known us for a long time. And if there's one thing I know about us is that we're big idea people with lots of motivations and intentions. Very rarely do we actually follow through on them.
And so I'm so proud of us as a team that we have managed to just trudge it through. Good, bad, money, no money, all of it. Bad times, good times, deaths in the family, everything. It's just been amazing. It really has been. I love you. I love you. Thank you. Jeff loves you too. Jeff Astrid. Jeff said he was, we were talking about it last night and he said, I, what do you do?
I mean, that's a big accomplishment. What do you do 500 times? And I was like, well, more because we didn't air. It's more like 800 times. It really is. I mean, I went through the server last night because I had to because it's breaking down. I went through the server last night, and we have 12 almost terabytes worth of the commercial break sitting on that server. 12 terabytes.
That includes video. That's gold.
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Chapter 8: What are the closing thoughts for listeners?
That's gold right there. Someday, some archaeologist is going to be digging around what used to be North Atlanta. Or some dinosaur is going to be chewing up all of them. And they're going to pull out that server and they're going to go, first of all, what the fuck is this? And then when they learn how to get it, they're going to go, this is what was going on in the world? This?
No wonder they died off. No wonder. Yes. These two idiots were representing some part of the population. Well, a very small part of the population, I must remind you, if you get this in the future. But I think that it is 500 of what? Right. I've never done 500 of anything. That's what Jeff was pointing out. Never. I don't even think I've done 500 days of work at any other company.
500 whole days of work? No, no way. This is amazeballs. It really is. It really is. It is a big milestone. And it's been a wild ride and we've changed it up a bunch and people have stuck with us. And, you know, if you go back, like I did yesterday, if you go back to some of those episodes that we didn't air, but that were recorded very early on, they are fucking terrible. I mean, just terrible.
But there is a seed of something there, right? There is something there and we're just trying to work it out. It was the lotus flower seed. Yes, it was the lotus flower seed, as you will hear next week.
Right.
It was the lotus flower unfolding, and there was something there. And we're not there. We're not the funniest podcast out there. We're not the biggest podcast out there. We're not even close to the best podcast out there. But we're a podcast out there. And like the Cheesecake Factory, it's fine. It's fine. We're fine. Everything's fine. But there was something there, and what grew out of it is...
Insane. I mean, it's just insane. I know. I'm still amazed. I'm amazed. I'm grateful. I'm usually stressed out and tired. But this is the hour, you know, a number of times a week. These are the hours that I cherish. The little creation that could. It is. It's a little creation that could, and who knows how long it'll go on.
I think we're contractually obligated to do this for at least a little more while. But thank you very much to you, Chrissy. Thank you very much to Astrid, to Jeff, to Gustavo, to Tina and Christina and Marianne, Will the Champ. These are all special people in the commercial break lore because they really helped this podcast kind of putter along. And without...
you, the listener, and them as listeners, then getting involved in the commercial break, we certainly would not have been able to do half the stuff that we've been doing. No, super grateful. Super, super grateful. So 500 episodes. So what do we do for the next 500? Oh, no. Just to think about 500. Well, the rate at which we do episodes now, it's not going to take us long to get to 1,000.
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