The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of Steve Carell & Samantha Bee
Tue, 26 Nov 2024
From discussing the legality of medical marijuana to meeting with a nutritionist to get a handle on his health, we take it back to some of Steve Carell's best moments on The Daily Show. Then, revisit a couple of Samatha Bee's best moments as a correspondent: deciding if Long Island should secede from New York and listening to oppressed men with "too much opportunity.”See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What are the legal issues surrounding medical marijuana?
You're listening to an iHeart Podcast. Our next health story should be of particular interest to our teen viewers who suffer from crippling glaucoma. For centuries, marijuana has been used as a self-prescribed remedy for the terminal disease known as being alive.
But last week, the Supreme Court heard arguments as to whether state initiatives permitting the drug to be used medicinally violate federal law. It's a case that figures to settle once and for all the legality of medical marijuana and thereby affect the lives of no fewer than .0001% of American marijuana smokers.
The federal government maintains, however, that marijuana, or as it's known on the street, funny pot cigarettes, is illegal, period, and has severely criticized prescribing the drug to those freewheeling, long-haired, hippie AIDS and cancer patients just trying to score a free high off Uncle Sam. Those people are sick. Seriously, they're sick and they need help.
Robert McGinnis of the Family Research Council has come out strongly against medical marijuana.
I don't deny that, you know, sick people who have been using it for a long time feel better after using this because they get high. And when you get high, you feel better.
Robert McGinnis. Speaking out strongly and poorly against miracle marijuana. Medical marijuana. Which is a miracle. Now, the upcoming Supreme Court debate could even be a hotter button issue than Americans not sleeping enough. That's why it's the subject of tonight's Even Steven. You've just made me vomit in my own mouth.
What's the weather like up your own ass? Tonight's topic, should medical marijuana be legalized? Yes. No. Yay!
The medical marijuana initiatives in California and New Mexico were approved by the voters solely to help seriously ill patients for whom marijuana offers the only relief from pain. Who could deny an 80-year-old woman a moment of respite from her tortured existence? But I suppose there are a few sick individuals out there who get off on other people's suffering, Steven.
Far out, Steve. Groovy point, man. You're blowing my mind. Face it. You and your Dr. Dopes are just hiding behind grandma's oxygen tent. The real reason you're pushing pro-pot legislation is so you can suck on a tie stick and watch the walls begin to pulse and breathe.
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Chapter 4: How does Samantha Bee critique political issues?
Something puss-related. And of course, the key to uplifting any oppressed group is to give them a voice.
This is the time of day where we bring out the talking stick. It's a time where you can speak from the heart and listen from the heart and share whatever's on your mind.
Finally, it was my opportunity to offer advice to my fallen brothers. Actually, you know, I actually brought my own tool.
Attention, middle-aged vagina men. Sack the up. Seriously, you're turning me into a lesbian.
These days, when you hear about secession, you think of Texas. But Texas isn't alone. Secession is the big word for lawmakers in Long Island. Should Long Island become its own state? According to Long Island legislator Edward Romaine, the time for independence is now.
Yes, the 51st state, Long Island. Long Island is paying more than $3 billion more than we're getting back in assistance from the state.
Located just 10 miles from Manhattan, or three and a half hours by car, Long Island's three million people have never felt connected to the rest of the state.
Well, we're kind of an appendage to New York. We jut out east of New York into the Atlantic Ocean.
How much longer can New York State continue to jerk this appendage off before it just explodes?
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