Chapter 1: What unexpected winter weather events are highlighted in this episode?
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You're listening to Comedy Central. Finally, an excuse for my sedentary lifestyle. A huge winter storm that dumped more than a foot of snow on the Plain States, who it should be noted have good personalities, has moved eastward in a 75-mile band stretching from Washington, D.C. to Boston. There was snow, snow mixed with rain, just rain, and what many are calling roe or snane.
All right, not that man. Cities hit particularly hard included Cincinnati, whose residents were just starting to dig themselves out when they decided things looked better covered up. In West Virginia, thousands of people were without power, but officials promised that someday soon the state will finally get electricity. In Kansas, oh, we're going around the country.
In Kansas, the storm shut down Interstate 70 from Wakini to the Colorado border, bringing hate crimes to a standstill and all but ruining the Foghat Tavern tour, 99. But right off the bat, many of you know, there was a gigantic snowstorm that was slated to hit the Eastern seaboard earlier in the week. And man, oh man, did that do nothing.
Here in the city, it was actually 72 degrees and sunny yesterday. But it was a storm. It moved up north, and we did want to keep track of it, so we sent our Daily Show meteorologist, Stephen Colbert, up to northern Maine to check out the storm that wasn't. There you go. And we're going to go check that out now. We're going to go up to Stephen as he's up there.
Stephen Colbert, I understand conditions where you are are actually a little worse than they were in the New York area. Indeed they are, John. Indeed they are. Stephen, that looks like a blizzard. Put on a coat, for God's sakes. I'm afraid I can't do that, John. I didn't bring a coat. Whole idea of the story was that there wasn't going to be a storm, if you'll remember.
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Chapter 2: How does Stephen Colbert humorously report from a snowstorm?
But I don't have a sun lamp and I can't afford a trip to Florida. But what I do have is this killer strobe light from high school. I feel great. A cheap way to get good meds is to write a threatening letter to the president. It's like sending away for free psychiatric treatment. Should be any second now. You'll be held for a cheerful observation period and pumped full of complimentary medication.
Try electroshock therapy, which you probably thought you couldn't afford. Fortunately, with a little creativity, there's a cheaper and more convenient alternative.
Hit it!
The cheapest treatment of all is good old-fashioned exercise. It doesn't cost a thing to do the one exercise that makes everyone happy. Skipping. None of this working, Christmas still getting you down, there's one last resort. Be a Jew, or at least act like one. The Jews are a traditionally mopey people, and their expectations around the holidays are low. You'll never be disappointed being a Jew.
You know, I didn't really, I didn't take Graham seriously. You know that the world's about to blow up. You know how excitable Southerners can get. Till I saw this. The metropolitan Atlanta area largely paralyzed. Pregnant women and children trapped on the roads. Children left to spend the night in their schools. An abandoned car purgatory. Like the zombie apocalypse. The walking dead.
Lord have mercy, Linda Graham was right. He was right. Oh, I've always depended on the kindness of strangers to give me a ride. The Ice Age zombie doomsday apocalypse has come to Atlanta. Damn you, gay marriage! Why didn't we listen? I can't... I can't even imagine. I can't even imagine how much snow it must take to bring about the zombie apocalypse. Three feet? Ten feet?
Two inches of snow hit the area. Really? Two inches of snow? I mean, is that what happens when the South is confronted by something not specifically mentioned in Revelations? Is that? Oh, so we're ready for the horsemen of the apocalypse and rivers of blood, but Jesus didn't say nothing here about snow tires. And that is not to diminish the real trouble the storm has caused.
I would not want to be in Atlanta's snowshoes right now. Jennifer Wilkins has been in her car for more than 20 hours. My brother-in-law spent the night in a Home Depot. A woman who has been sitting in a Walgreens for 19 hours. They had to sleep in their car. They had a friend come and deliver food to them. A friend didn't have any extra space in their car.
Maybe giving them a ride home so they wouldn't have to sleep on the front. Hey man, I heard about your trouble. Here's some Coca-Cola and Slim Jims, gotta go. You know, they could have shared the, it's okay for two people to share a car, right? I mean, I know the last time anyone in Atlanta carpooled was this, but still, you know, this is an emergency. How was Georgia so ill-prepared, governor?
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Chapter 3: What unique perspective does Stacey Grenrock-Woods provide on Yellowstone's snowmobiles?
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