Best of DLS: Pete Carroll Runs a Play for Roy

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The Dan Le Batard Show 41 min 5 speakers 8 chapters transcribed
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What challenges does Mike Ryan face during the show?

Unknown 0:00
Chris Cody, I really need you to be a strong leader today because I've got two things happening that feel cruddy, okay? And I need you to lead us here on this. One is I've got Lewis roaming around here saying how badly he needs this Chiefs money on Sunday, okay? I've got on the television, I can't believe what I'm seeing on the television, it says Chiefs must win game and I'm like... It is this week. The Chiefs have a must-win game. But for Lewis, it's a must-win game. For all of us, it's a must-win game, Dan. But Lewis has like 17 kids. Yes. Lewis is the only one in the office muttering, I really need that money, while walking past me as if he doesn't think I can hear him. I can feel that off him at all times, but it usually doesn't come out of his mouth.
Unknown 0:47
So the Chiefs game is a big game. But the other problem I have is, and I've been in negotiations with Udonis Haslam, and he's expensive, and Mike's not helping. He's not helping things because I need someone to oversee the punishments in this league. And I don't know what Mike was doing today, but he's just wearing a... a raiders sweatshirt and saying his p he's pete carroll and that no one has honored the punishments more than mike ryan has uh okay i have honored every single punishment no matter how difficult and today is probably the most challenging thing i've ever had to do since freedom get the hell out of here I have to chew gum during the show.
Stugatz 1:30
The show just started. Shouldn't you be?
Unknown 1:32
Do you know how much gum I usually chew during the show? Zero. Zero. There might be times during today's show where I have one, maybe two pieces of gum in my mouth while I'm talking.
Mike Ryan 1:42
A lot of squatting, too.
Unknown 1:43
That is a choking hazard. It also represents a 200% increase in chewing gum that's in my mouth during these shows.
Mike Ryan 1:50
Well, no, it's more than 200%. You went from zero to whatever it is. That's an infinite.
Unknown 1:54
700%. More.
Mike Ryan 1:56
You're the president of the United States now, playing with percentages. Hey, Dan, are you excited for 50-year mortgages? That's how we're going to solve all this. A 50-year mortgage. I mean, if you think about it.
Unknown 2:10
Yeah, I just did. It's as good an idea as Zaz's let's rest players in the first half and make them play the second half.
Chris Cody 2:19
I'm dying on that hill.
Unknown 2:21
Quite literally. You just sounded like you were dying on a Civil War hill. Bayonet in your chest. What happened to you? I don't know. No, but you and Ethan, look, you and Ethan, the amount of cream cheese that you're costing Metal Ark is why I can't pay you Donna's Haslam to govern this punishment list.
Mike Ryan 2:40
Couple of lucky J's.

What is the significance of the Chiefs game mentioned?

Unknown 2:44
This is the Don Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast. Tony's taunting me during the break, saying Udonis Haslam has become Diana Rossini's Grandpa Santa on the phone. That it's an empty threat that doesn't mean anything to anyone around here on the punishments. And Mike Ryan is actively, and this is disrespectful, and it's an act of resentment, honestly, that shouldn't express itself this way. I think he's Pete Carroll today. This doesn't feel like a real punishment, but the only one who gets punished is me is because every time I'm talking, Mike is whispering into his headset, 57's the Mike, 57's the Mike, while covering his mouth with his play sheet. And he's trying to distract me from doing the show while also doing Pete Carroll, not like Daniel Day-Lewis as Pete Carroll.
Unknown 3:35
He's not leaving character. Let's settle down.

How do the hosts react to the concept of punishments in sports?

Unknown 3:37
Take the air out of the ball. HB dive. Big gap. That's what he's been doing every time I'm talking. He's doing it when I'm trying to give points and while I'm talking and trying to organize the show. So the team is actively playing defense against me today on a legitimately good content day because 24 hours later, how silly does this show sound? Laughing at the Warriors and celebrating the Miami Heat. 24 hours later, I don't know that I've heard someone do what Norman Powell did yesterday where he's like, just put my name on the quote, that's a bad loss. Where, that's something fans say? I rarely hear players say of losing to other professional players, man, that's a bad loss.

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