I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her
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Why is this husband struggling with attraction to his wife?
What's going on? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, talking about your mental and emotional health and your relationships, kids and your spouse, whatever you got going on. I'm here to sit with you and figure out what's the next right move. I'd love to have you on the show. It's real people going through real hard stuff. Go to johndeloney.com, that's D-E-L-O-N-Y, johndeloney.com slash ask, A-S-K, or give me a buzz at 1-844-693-3291, and you can leave a message, and Kelly may holler back girl at you, even though she ain't no holler back girl. And I want everyone to know, right before the show started, we were all talking, and I said, and I quote, This particular woman who walked through is over like two-fourths of the company. To which Kelly felt it really important to say, actually, you can reduce that fraction. It's one-half of the company.
I didn't say it quite that way, but overall.
That's how I heard it in my heart.
I just said, you mean one-half?
You know that friend that just corrects?
Oh, that friend that's right? Woo!
No, every friend has a math nerd friend. That's you.
Actually, I'm not a math nerd. Overall, numbers are not my thing.
You're four-eighths a math nerd. You're eight-sixteenths of math nerd and the other eight-sixteenths.
Yes, go ahead.
Let's go to Des Moines, Iowa and talk to Tyler. What's up, Tyler?
So my question is, my wife and I, we've been married for 18 years. We've got four amazing kiddos. And I love her very much. I want to take good care of her and want the best for her. But in the past seven years, I really lost that loving feeling to the point where I don't really enjoy spending time with her. I don't... I'm not comfortable in a room with her, especially alone. In big groups, it's not such a big deal. And it's gotten kind of to the point where kind of my knee-jerk reflex, even if there's like, oh, I could tell my wife's been in this room. I'm just like, ugh, my wife's been here. And I hate that about myself. Why don't you like her? My question is... Why don't you like her?
It's not the love and feeling. You don't like her. Why don't you like her? Why aren't y'all friends?
How can a couple rebuild their friendship after years of challenges?
Um... I'm...
I, I, I'm always, I'm always thinking. You just gotta be honest. You gotta be honest. You're already in it now. You gotta be honest. Why aren't you friends?
Yeah. Um, I don't like the way she treats me. I don't like. Tell me about that. Um, she's, she's gotten a lot better.
Stop, stop, stop hedging. Stop hedging. Just tell me the truth.
Um, she's not nice to me. She calls me names. Uh, she is full of insults. Um, And I think it betrays how she really feels about me. Like... So just in the course of conversation, a couple years ago, I was like, hey, I'm self-employed. I think it's time to hire somebody. I think I need to hire somebody. And her response isn't, oh, is the business growing? No, it's, oh, you're so lazy. Is this work beneath you? You just can't do it yourself? I'm like, no, I think this is... But it just cuts me really deeply into... that that's how she sees me. And if I were really, if I, if I really felt like I was a lazy person, I'd be like, Oh, that's a fair assessment. But I just feel like my wife should be able to tell me that in a way that's loving and encouraging and not skating like that.
The thing that is the defining characteristics of marriages that make it are at the end of the day, they're friends. And what I would tell you is right now, um, Can I just have your permission just to be pretty blunt? Is that cool? I mean, if you must. Okay. Your wife's, like, not a good friend. How long has this been going on?
Oh, we have a long history. I mean, there's a good deal of trauma in there, too. What does that mean? So we met in college through the college Christian group. I was pretty immature and uncertain about my theology. We were trying to stay like... When we became romantically involved, we were trying to stay pure before marriage and all that. And she literally...
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
Why is this husband struggling with attraction to his wife?
0:29–3:05
2
How can a couple rebuild their friendship after years of challenges?
3:05–10:09
3
What steps can someone take after major weight loss?
10:09–12:20
4
How do past traumas affect current relationships?
12:20–17:56
5
What is the importance of self-acceptance after transformation?
17:56–20:48
6
How to navigate emotional struggles in relationships?
20:48–22:15
7
What does it mean to create a healthy relationship dynamic?
22:15–53:48