My Wife Left the Church (and Wants Me to Leave Too)
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What should I do if my spouse wants to leave the church?
My wife let me know that she no longer wanted to attend the church that we've been going to. I just feel like she might share those same feelings towards me, right? That she has in this former church of ours that is a negative experience for her.
The words coming out of my mouth are going to be harsh. I want you to know I'm sitting right here with you, okay? Okay. What's up? What's up? What's up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show coming to you live with the world on fire. Trying to be a voice of compassion and reason in a world obsessed with just screaming at everybody. And it feels like all the grownups are sitting in the sandbox, throwing sand at each other and saying, I'm going to take my ball and go home. And the rest of us are trying to figure out how to pay for eggs and try to keep our kids safe and trying to figure out what AI means. Like we're just trying to figure out how to do life, how to be married anymore. And so cutting through all the noise, getting in under the smoke and sitting with you here, just pull up a chair. Trying to figure out what's the next right move for your marriage, your mental and emotional health for 20 plus years. More than two decades now, I've been sitting with hurting people, regardless of what's going on.
I've literally sat in people's front yard and held them while we watched their house burn down. Sometimes I feel like that's what we're doing. That's what I'm going to do on the show. I'm going to sit with you and help you figure out what's the next right move for you, for your family, for your kids, for your friends, wherever you find yourself. If you want to be on the show, I'd love to have you. JohnDeloney.com slash ask. We used to have a toll-free number, and then the Utes were like, what's toll-free mean? And what's a phone? We talk into it. So anyway, just go to the website, JohnDeloney.com slash ask, A-S-K, and you can fill out the form. It goes right to... her Highness Kelly, and she puts together the show.
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Thanks for taking my call. Yeah. So, um, uh, had a real tough year this past year. Um, my wife and I are struggling through, uh, and we're trying to understand what can I do next. So about a year ago, my wife let me know that she no longer wanted to attend the church that we've been going to for the entirety of our marriage. How long is that? 12 years. We've been going to this... Go ahead.
How can I support my spouse's negative feelings about our church?
Oh, yeah. So we've been going to this church, heavily involved. It's been a bedrock of our lives and our marriage and our kids. And then she said that's no longer something she wanted to do. And it took a minute for me to kind of accept that. And really now where I'm struggling is trying to... I'm wrestling with the fact that she has such a negative viewpoint of a former church of ours and is still very much involved in seeking out others who kind of share in that negative viewpoint. And I can't help but think that she might um, some way look down on me because I haven't seen the same viewpoint that she has, or, um, you know, it isn't a, um, I just feel like she might share those same feelings towards me, right. That she has over this former church of ours. That is a negative experience for her.
How is she, um, articulated or what is she articulating specifically about why she She left that church while she wants to disassociate herself from it.
I think a lot of it came from what she viewed as how people were treated. I didn't see the same things that she saw, but there was a very conservative viewpoint. So were these women? Were these gay and lesbian folks? Were these children? Were these... Like, yeah, I think she's had a really hard time with what she perceived, how women were treated. Um, and, uh, you know, I can, I can sympathize with that, but I didn't see the same thing. I'm obviously not a woman, so I didn't see those things. I didn't experience those things, but I didn't, um, you know, I, I didn't see her point of view. Um, and now I, I,
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What should I do if my spouse wants to leave the church?
0:05–2:41
2
How can I support my spouse's negative feelings about our church?
2:41–10:25
3
What does it mean to listen to my spouse's lived experience?
10:25–22:08
4
How do I approach difficult conversations with my spouse?
22:08–35:57
5
What boundaries should I set with my mother-in-law?
35:57–39:35
6
How can I manage my feelings towards my mother's new relationship?
39:35–52:27