Great Expectations
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Why do our expectations about sex often lead to disappointment?
Triple J's the hookup podcast. With Hannah Reilly.
Have you ever thought about the idea that the root cause of some of our sexual problems and heartbreak are our own expectations? I'd like you to think back to the last sex scene that you saw on film or television or maybe porn. Now Think about the last time that you had sex. Remember all the noises? Maybe your teeth hit together, or your hair got stuck under your back, ladies, you know what I'm talking about. Or maybe someone had to stop halfway through and take off their socks. Every day we are told so many sex lies that raise our expectations everywhere from rom coms to porn. Ideas like there's a one that's out there for you, or that your vagina needs to look like this teeny tiny little sideways wink this.
Or that shower sex is amazing. Anyone who's actually tried to have sex in the shower knows that it is a goddamn disaster. You're in this tiny little hot cubicle and you've got to cling to each other like an old couple on the deck of the Titanic so you don't slip and break your neck. Sex is clumsy and it's awkward and very imperfect. The closest thing to real sex that I've s ever seen on TV is on Big Brother or the Geordie Shaw. Where people are giving each other aggressive hand jobs under dunas. So how can we fight against all of these constant messages, this sex hype and pressure that we put ourselves under, that can sometimes lead to stuff like performance anxiety? The aim of tonight's show is to uh greatly lower our expectations, just below the bar.
Which brings me to one of the biggest perpetrators of sex hype, women and men's magazine sex tips. I'm absolutely convinced that the way that they're written is just one person standing at a computer typing and everyone they've got like a crowd of people yelling suggestions out in the office and everyone's laughing, like, Oh my god, tell 'em to do this, tell him to stick his dick in peanut butter or no, I don't know, tell him to use a shamwow on his butthole. I compiled a real bunch of magazine sex tips and made up a few of my own and I tried to see who here in the triple J office could guess the difference. I'm gonna read you out uh a sex tip and then tell me whether you think this is an actual piece of advice from a magazine or not.
Make two fists around his shaft and twist them in opposite directions as fast as you can. Kinda like using a pepper grinder or starting a fire.
I really hope you made that up because that sounds like terrible advice.
It's just the sort of thing that they would uh tell you to do.
It might be real, but it's not very good. It sounds really painful. I'd say it's not not a real sex tip.
A hundred sex tips from guys. September two thousand and four Cosmopolitan magazine. Oh wow. Make a bedroom burrito. While rolling around in bed, wrap her up in the sheet so she can't do anything with her arms.
They wouldn't they would encourage people to do that, would they?
I
think that's got Hannah written all over it. It's
probably your work. I'm gonna say That was real?
It's true. It's true, really.
That was an actual piece of advice from a men's magazine. I don't know if that's surprising or not.
A guy wrote
that down. Okay.
Oh, tuck those arms in. No, and then getting involved.
While doing it from behind, start plaiting her hair into a French braid. The tingly sensations will drive her wild. It's
definitely a great idea.
Braiding my hair for having sex. You kidding me?
I think it's real. I think it's great advice. You made you made that up.
I did.
Flicking through a little book of sentences. Remember when the bars are all the left street.
Sprinkle a little pepper under his nose just before he climaxes. Sneezing can feel similar to an orgasm and amplify the feel-good effects. I'm gonna say that's real.
I want it to be real. That sounds real.
You're right, it's a hundred percent real. It's from the same issue of Cosmo. It's an actual sex tip. Don't wanna be right though. Where are you supposed to have hidden the pepper?
Movle Cup on Triple J.
Haley says, read in a magazine that a good hand job technique was to grab a guy's dick with both hands and then twist in opposite directions, essentially gave my BF my BF's dick a Chinese burn.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
Why do our expectations about sex often lead to disappointment?
0:00–6:19
2
How do magazine sex tips create unrealistic sexual expectations?
6:19–13:49
3
What are some of the worst magazine‑derived sex tips Ryan Good uncovered?
13:49–36:02
4
How does porn performer Lucie Bee describe the reality behind porn sets?
36:02–43:47
5
What does Rachel Hill’s book ‘The Sex Myth’ reveal about modern sexual lies?
43:47–53:32
6
Why does performance anxiety affect so many people in the bedroom?
53:32–56:09