How to talk about masturbating - and why we should
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Why do many people feel guilt and shame after masturbating?
For me, the good feeling of an orgasm is completely cancelled out by a feeling of immense guilt immediately afterwards. It's almost like I feel like I've done something dirty and
bad. Love and yourself, in every sense of the word, is super important. But there's still a big taboo around masturbation. It's crazy, because we know it's a healthy thing to do and it's one of the best ways to find out what you actually like and what feels good. And come on, admit it, everybody does it. So why can't we talk about it? I'm Nat Tencic, and for a lot of people, the stigma around mazzing means they feel guilty every time they do it. That's what it's like for Charlotte from Melbourne, who got in touch to tell her story.
Hey, I'm Charlotte from Melbourne. So I got in touch with The Hookup because after having conversations with my friends about masturbating, I had a realisation that lots of my female friends had similar feelings to me of guilt after masturbating. I have always been a super sexually open person. I was never taught in my family that there was anything wrong with sex, always taught to have really open conversations about it, and I don't feel guilty at all after sex. But for some reason, when I'm doing it alone, I do. So it just, like, for me, the good feeling of an orgasm is completely cancelled out by a feeling of immense guilt immediately afterwards. It's almost like I feel like I've done something dirty and bad.
Yeah, it doesn't make any sense because I can have an orgasm during sex and I don't feel that at all. I would say I probably do it alone a lot less than I actually would if I didn't get those feelings. I definitely have a super high sex drive. Yeah, I don't know, maybe like a couple of times a week. When I've tried to think back, the only time that I can like think that this like masturbation guilt would have been birthed was like my first interactions with sex education. You know, while the boys were being taught that they might start getting these feelings about women or whatever. We were being taught that like we're going to get our periods and this is like we're going to ovulate and stuff. But I don't remember ever being taught about masturbation.
I also remember all through high school that like all of my female friends pretended they didn't masturbate and it was like a gross thing to do if you were a girl. But then all of the teenage boys would talk about doing it and it wasn't an issue. It's interesting because when I moved to Melbourne, I made friends with a group of people that were quite a bit older than me. And before that, I hadn't had these conversations at all. Like I was 20 or something and none of my friends from school had ever talked about masturbating or admitted to the fact, admitted, see, that's a bad thing to say, but, you know, had even ever talked about the fact that it was a thing that they do. And so, yeah, I think it was this older group of friends that I made that were able to talk about this stuff really openly and then...
allowed me to start having this conversation with myself, I think, and also other women, like talking to my high school friends about it. I have gone back and kind of like talked to them about it and asked what they think about it. And it's very similar sort of stuff. So yeah, I think the thing that would help is some sort of like conversation about this because it is a thing that I have thought about a lot and no one that I've really talked to about it has been able to be like oh yeah that's like this because of this and this is a solution to that problem like I don't feel like it's Something that's going to go away for me. I feel like if it was, it would have by now. But, like, maybe with a greater conversation and understanding of the reason that that happens, I might be able to pleasure myself and not feel guilty.
Charlotte
from Melbourne there talking about... how she deals with guilt around masturbation. And we're going to go deeper into this idea and why it is such a dirty, kind of very open secret, to be perfectly honest.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why do many people feel guilt and shame after masturbating?
0:00–4:27
2
How does Charlotte’s personal story illustrate the stigma around female masturbation?
4:27–7:53
3
What historical and cultural factors keep masturbation taboo today?
7:53–11:37
4
How has pornography and media shaped our attitudes toward solo sex?
11:37–15:33
5
Why do men and women experience different pressures around masturbating?
15:33–19:15
6
How can couples talk openly about masturbation without feeling jealous or betrayed?
19:15–24:05
7
Can treating masturbation as a hobby reduce shame and improve self‑care?
24:05–26:44
8
What practical steps help people stop feeling guilty and enjoy healthy solo pleasure?
26:44–30:58