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Chapter 1: What are the different perspectives on PDA in public?
Middle of the day, bright sun, humping, tongue down throat, going at it.
In the library, in a public space, it's just, to me, it's a little embarrassing.
I am definitely not a very physical, touchy person. So if someone's like fast tracking that level of physical intimacy with me, like I'm probably going to freak out and get the ick.
My ex-husband was always massively performative when it came to PDA.
My ex used to be all over the place. was her and I or when we were out with my friends. And then it got to the point where we actually had a conversation about it and I asked her to dial it back a bit.
Hi, I'm Dee Selman and I noticed something recently. What did you notice? Well, I was in Sydney on my book tour and I walked past a couple in a park on a bench, like making out, but like fully going at it.
Like tongue in throat?
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Chapter 2: How do personal experiences shape views on PDA?
Like, humping, like, full on. And I was just like, oh, oh, in the middle of the day. I was, like, running from one interview to another. And I was so startled by it. Like, I was so shocked that it made me realize, like, we actually, like, I don't see PDA anymore. Like, we don't make out in public. The fact that it's so, it was so shocking because it was something that I hadn't seen in so long.
Yeah. Like, I tried to remember the last time I saw that and I couldn't.
Yeah, I completely agree. And I couldn't believe, I was like, wow. It's a lost art. We've lost PDA. We've lost PDA. I do think that we have maybe lost it. When was the last time you saw PDA? Honestly, last incident of witnessing PDA,
maybe like months ago like it's really rare I think I think personally but that being said hi I'm Pip Rasmussen and I'm trying to bring back GDA baby you would I am trying to bring it back you would I may have been that person I wasn't in Sydney I'm surprised it wasn't you I wasn't in Sydney at the time but um you know I am trying to bring it back I think it's nice to see people do that and maybe people go oh they see like someone tonguing somebody or canoodling or
groping but i'm like hello entertaining fun and love is love you know you're like i'm glad you're getting some exactly well this was why peep and i wanted to do a whole episode on pda because we realized it's a lost art but we also wanted to figure out how you felt about it like i think you either love it or you hate it like people are either all for it but when people hate it like they fucking hate it yeah you know what i mean people get the ick
And we wanted, Pip and I wanted to explore, like, if you're a couple or people, group of people doing some PDA, is that performative? Like, is that for show? Like, what are you trying to prove? Or is it a sign of a healthy and secure relationship? Like, you're just like, I don't care who sees this. I'm so happy and in love.
Yeah. We also wanted to find out as well if it was something for queer people where they felt like they couldn't actually PDA even if they wanted to, whether it was like a safety issue or on the flip side, if they were like, I actually find it's really important to show people and to be like, normalize this, like normalize these kind of relationships.
We also wanted to find out your opinion because obviously we're saying we think it's lost. But what do you think? So we put it to you and we're going to find out if you think PDA is lost and if you think we should find it again. Okay, let's talk about witnessing PDA before we get into how you feel about giving or receiving PDA in your own relationships.
But, you know, as you were witnessing the park bench couple.
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Chapter 3: Is PDA a sign of a healthy relationship or just performative?
Exactly. So we wanted to know how you felt about seeing this in public. On our Instagram, at Triple J The Hookup, is where we asked, how do you feel about seeing couples do PDA in public? 21% of you said it was cringe. 30% of you said it's cute. Okay. And 49% said it was neutral. You said that it was all or nothing with people. Yeah, wow. Apparently you're wrong.
Okay. 50%, nearly 50% of people were just like, I don't really care.
I don't care.
I thought it was one of those things that people were like.
Polarized. Polarized.
Yeah, yeah. Maybe, yeah. I'm like, how do you see something like what I witnessed and not feel a type of way?
That's true. How do you walk past that goal and just go, yeah, whatever? Yeah, because there's kind of like a yardstick measure of like how vulgar the PDA gets.
Like you either go, good for you, or you go like, oh, fucking get a room.
Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Well, I think there's different levels. So like if we're talking about PDA, maybe we should quickly define it. There's like base level, hand-holding. Public displays of affection. I guess it could mean anything. Like little pecks on the cheek. It could mean, like, a really, like, tender hug or, like, a caress. But then there's, like, people tonguing each other.
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Chapter 4: How do societal norms influence public displays of affection?
Well, okay, when we're thinking about this spectrum, though, people said to us in the DMs that they were like, if you're going over the top, I don't want a bar of it. Like, I'm not interested. Yeah. Julia says, hugging, holding hands, kissing is okay, but no tongue, please. No one needs to see that. Bren agrees. Please do not stick your tongue down each other's throats.
And Hannah's saying, be affectionate, but don't be debaucherous. I personally disagree with you, Hannah. I love the debauchery.
So you want to see tongues touching, sucking, grabbing in the middle of the day.
Dinner and a show, babe. Like, I'm literally, like, this is just what society is and we are so taboo about sex. You know, seeing, like, a little thing like that in the middle of your day, it's almost kind of funny because then you remember it and then you're like, lol, I saw this thing. Like, I saw this couple on the train, like, straddling each other. Like, that's funny.
And I'm like, it's not really harming anyone. Like, maybe people are like, oh, my gosh. Like, you know, it's a bit prudish or whatever. But I'm like, I mean, as long as they're not being, like, publicly indecent. I don't think I want to see, like, genitals.
I just am like... I think I am absolutely not a prude at all, but I do think I'm way less there than you are.
Like I think I'm like, I don't know. That's because you don't spend as much time out in public compared to me.
Yeah, you're like always on trams and trains.
I'm on public transport. I am walking around. I am in the metropolitan. I'm a city gal.
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Chapter 5: What are the reactions to witnessing PDA in public?
Yeah, probably would be a bit like, stop.
Like, I'm trying to watch the game.
Yeah. I mean, if it goes on for more than five minutes, I'm filming you. Sorry. And I'm really against filming people in public, but that does feel like a disturbance of the general vibe of the footy. You're not there to suck face. Another person here saying, saw a guy getting a handy in the casino restaurant. That is depressing as fuck. I wouldn't want to see that. That's indecent. Okay.
That's maybe not even PDA. That's illegal. That's illegal. This person is saying at the drive-in movies after the movie, they were going at it while we all drove past them to leave.
I mean, there's something that I feel is a bit more acceptable if you're at a drive-in movie. It's kind of romantic. You've got the mattress on the back of the ute. You've got the blanket. Like, I don't know. You've set the scene. Someone else sent us a DM saying, I saw someone grinding and making out in the gym pool. Then he suspiciously changed into new swimmers. Now that's disgusting.
Health hazard.
Why are you changing your swimmers? No, I don't want to think about it. We got this one, Pip, though, which I think is the worst one. I don't know why, but they said they were at a concert and they saw a girl put her hands down her boyfriend's back of his pants, not off to the side grabbing his ass, which would have been fine. She was digging inside his crack. What?
Like, have fun, but hit the bathroom before the bar and the food stand, please.
Oh, my good God. I just... Jesus Christ. That's the worst PDA I've heard.
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Chapter 6: How does culture affect attitudes towards PDA?
Grab some snacks. Like, that's the worst I've heard.
I'm calling the cops.
I would genuinely would rather see someone having sex than see that.
Oh, no, 100%. That's actually really gross. I would rather see, yeah, public nudity or something else than that. That's really foul. Anyway, these were some of the worst ones. And some of them I don't even think they were PDA. That was actually going above and beyond. Illegal. But let's bring it back to some people who messaged us and they sent voice memos, right?
So Lucas messaged us and he was like, I'm not really a fan of PDA. I do feel like it crosses a line at some points. And he told us this story about one of his best mates.
Maybe it's just the way I was raised, and we were a little conservative growing up, so maybe that's it. But just, I've got this mate, and we studied together at uni, and he was a girlfriend as well.
And I've known him forever, but he insists on doing this thing where he'll, like, go up to her and sort of, like, put his hand underneath her chin, like, raise her head up, and then pass, just have a little bit too long in front of me. We're in the library in a public space. It's just... To me, it's a little embarrassing. It's not my favourite thing to be around. Like, do it with yourselves.
And if they want to do it by themselves in public, that's all good. Just can I not be there?
I have a few things to say here first. Okay. First thing, doing it in front of your friends like that, to me, feels so cringe and icky and embarrassing. Like, again, I'm just always feeling the room and I just can't imagine in front of, like, my friends just grabbing my partner in front of their faces and just, like, purposely holding their face and making out.
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Chapter 7: What challenges do queer individuals face regarding PDA?
But like with a real life person, I'm like, a bit cringe.
Yeah.
That's a bit cringe to me. Anyway.
I don't know. I do want to hear, though, how people feel about PDA in their own relationships or the people that they're dating or hooking up with or seeing or whatever. Talia says, I love, in brackets, reasonable PDA when I'm in a relationship, but it's a strong no when I'm dating.
Yeah. See, I'm curious to know how you feel about where you draw the line when you're dating. And I'm talking like first date, second, third, very casually seeing somebody like wouldn't introduce you to your friends kind of like vibe, right?
Maybe it's something that would be confusing if someone was PDAing with me really early on and I would feel maybe like they were love bombing me slightly because I personally love physical touch and physical affection. Yeah. And I think if someone was to be very quick into like kissing and making out with me in front of people, I'd be like, oh, hold on.
I totally know what you mean. I think for me it would be the context, right? Like I've definitely PDA'd if I'm hooking up with someone on a night out. Oh, yes. Like that's – if it's like a one-night stand or it's like someone you're casually seeing, then I would probably definitely PDA and I'd just be like at a gig or like wherever I was. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But, yeah, if I was like intentionally dating someone, like we're going for a dinner – And then we're like date two and you're like, hold, like, I don't know. I do think for me, if it's like long-term partner dating for that, I like for it to build. And I do think there's a level of like your fast tracking intimacy with physical touch. Like I am definitely not a very physical touchy person.
So if someone's like fast tracking that level of physical intimacy with me, like I'm probably going to freak out and get the ick, especially if it's like in public and And I wonder if there's like a level of – like what does that mean to that person, right? Like if I – this is a pessimism in me.
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Chapter 8: Is there a generational shift in the acceptance of PDA?
Well, yeah, let's chat about relationships. Say you're in a relationship with someone. We wanted to know on our Instagram at Triple J The Hookup, how do you feel about doing PDA in your relationship? And 42% of you said you like it. Only 12% of you said that you don't. I thought it would be higher, to be honest. And 46% of you said you like to do it sometimes. Like it's a sometimes thing. Okay.
I think I'm in that camp.
Yeah. I'm definitely in the 42%. I'm like the yes camp for sure. And a lot of people agreed. Ali saying, if a relationship doesn't have PDA, then I don't want it. Sarah Kate saying, I love PDA. My boyfriend is such a sweetheart. He's always hugging and kissing me. It makes me feel so loved. Jess sent us a voice memo as well, talking about how she loves to feel connected to her partner.
My husband and I need to always be connected so we hold hands while we eat dinner. We hold hands while we're full asleep. If we're in a group of people having a conversation, sometimes I'll send him a text to tell him I love him if it's not appropriate to say it out loud.
And any time we get a chance to have a little kiss or a cuddle or just, you know, check in, we will do that regardless of who's looking. We're never over the top. We're never going to make anyone uncomfortable. But it's something that we have to do because I need to be connected to him like that.
Can I just say, I feel like someone's going to be listening to this and thinking that is my worst nightmare. Like the 12% people being like, I do not PDA. Jess is like almost maybe the most extreme PDA that I have ever heard. Like texting somebody to say I love you while you're in a group because you didn't want to say it out loud. I think the thing that threw me was the eating dinner.
Oh, the holding hands? Yeah, because I'm like, how are you? So what am I meant to do? Like, are we not knifing and forking? Are we eating soup only? Like, I'm like, it's a little bit codependent. I'm like, babe. Maybe it's a little codependent. How are we eating our dinner? Yeah. I get you. I love that they're so in love, though, and that they need to feel connected.
Yeah.
But I'm just like, 24-7 hand-holding.
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