Love behind bars
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What is the reality of love behind bars compared to TV shows?
Even Aren't just a new black fan. Mo, bitch. This is my
wife.
Look, I enjoyed the saucy prison affairs on that show just as much as the next person. But when it comes to the reality of love behind bars, it ain't quite it. I mean, yeah, there might be a few truths like how inmates will try anything just to get a bit of intimacy with each other or their lovers during visits, all while under the watchful eyes of prison guards. But mostly There's a lot of pain, hardship, and emotional intensity that comes with these relationships. It's not easy to be an inmate in this situation at all, obviously. You're trapped in a cold, harsh, and sometimes life-threatening environment with not a heap of emotional support. But what about the partners they leave behind on the outside?
Nat Tenchich here. And in this episode, we're talking prison love. You'll hear stories from people who've had partners incarcerated, and those who've been on the inside and had love to get them through their time. We'll find out what it's like to watch your loved ones go in and what happens to a relationship when they come out. Amy from Newcastle slid into our DMs and she wanted to tell us her story. She felt really alone in her experience and she wanted to see if anyone else was feeling the same way about having a lover incarcerated. She started seeing the sky a few years ago, and they really hit it off. Now she knew he was involved in an illegal activity, which I won't share with you just for privacy reasons, but she didn't realize the extent of his activities until he was arrested.
Then their whole world changed.
I went to watch a band play and um after the band finished up I walked to um another pub and met this guy. Turns out he'd been at the same pub watching the same band and we just clicked from that moment and basically the rest is history I saw him every single day after that for like the next month straight. We just kinda couldn't get enough. We were dating for For a year before he was arrested.
Going through the process of of trials, like what what was that like? Like how were you able to support him through that?
Being patient with his emotions, obviously it's quite upsetting and he he could become quite um, I suppose, impatient and volatile. So just being there and just assuring him all the time that we would get through it together no matter what the outcome and just reminding him to try to stay positive.
Tell me then about the sentencing and when you found out he was gonna be um incarcerated.
That was a really, really tough day. We um had actually been told that they were going to postpone The sentencing date. So we went in there thinking that he'd come home and we'd have more time, potentially even at Christmas together. And then all of a sudden it all just changed and he was going to be sentenced that day. So I felt like I hadn't said goodbye properly to him. It's not like in the movies when they receive their sentence and the family like gives them that last big hug and hurrah. Immediately it's handcuffed and they're taken away.
So post sentencing and he's in he's gone away and you maintain this relationship for A number of years. So tell me about the the challenges of that, um of maintaining a relationship in and out of prison.
The greatest challenges surrounding that is the inability to freely communicate with one another. And then the you know, a huge thing on top of that is there basically being a complete void of physical intimacy. you know, you're not allowed to be physically embracing each other and all of that kind of thing, which is so fundamental to I think, to a relationship and feeling really close to your partner. So That was a huge challenge in within itself to try to compensate. I suppose we grew stronger in in other aspects of our relationships, in that when we did see each other we were able to really build that emotional connection with one another.
Was it a lot of pressure feeling like you were the one one of the few connections he had to the outside? Like was that a lot to bear?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the reality of love behind bars compared to TV shows?
0:00–5:26
2
How did Amy’s relationship change after her partner was arrested?
5:26–11:11
3
What challenges did Amy face while maintaining a long‑distance prison relationship?
11:11–17:25
4
How do prison visits and limited communication affect intimacy?
17:25–22:34
5
What emotional toll does supporting an incarcerated partner have on the outside partner?
22:34–28:27
6
How did Brooke’s relationship evolve after her partner’s release?
28:27–32:19
7
What insights do experts offer on helping families of incarcerated people?
32:19–35:37
8
How can the prison system be improved to reduce strain on relationships?
35:37–40:13