Reclaiming your sexuality after a life-changing accident
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How did Emma’s sky‑diving accident change her life and sexuality?
Back then I I guess I would have had the memory of what it used to feel like and after like five seconds I was just like get off me and then ran to the bathroom and just cried. I was really devastated because I knew what it was meant to feel like and I knew that it didn't feel like that anymore.
Warning adult content. The hookup, love and on Triple J. Hey, I'm Nat Tencich. Now you probably don't often think that the run you're going for today could be your last one, for that to just be taken away from you in an instant. But that's exactly what happened to Emma Carey, who at 20 years old became a paraplegic. Now she's since been lucky enough to walk again, but a lot of things are a bit different, and she shares a lot of that journey on social media. One thing that's completely changed for Emma is her sex life. The hookup producer Sophie Volker caught up with Emma to hear more about it.
Hi, my name's Emma Carey and I'm talking to the hookup because I am for the past six years have been living with a disability and you know navigating sex and relationships has been a big change for me since my accident. So basically six years ago I was in a skydiving accident. and I became a paraplegic. I've been super lucky in the respect that I've learnt to walk again, very, very lucky, but I still have all the other ongoing problems that come along with being a paraplegic. So I don't have feeling from the waist down and I don't have any bladder and bow control. My legs are still a little bit weaker so I walk with a limp and it's just been a massive life change. I was twenty at the time and I'd had a boyfriend since I was seventeen.
So we were very young, but yeah, we'd been together for quite a while. A few maybe weeks, a month, I don't really remember, after my accident, he decided to end it. And, you know, at the time that was incredibly hard for me because it was already, you know, the worst. time in my life and I had so many other things to kind of focus on, but that, you know, when you're twenty or when you're that young, your relationship is your entire life and you know, you it's everything to you. And so I was really devastated, but now, you know, six years later and being a lot older and more mature, I can definitely see how young we were and how much pressure it was on him at the time and, you know, just how how serious it all was.
Like it's a lot at that age, if that makes sense.
Yeah. I imagine that would have been really, really difficult to try and comprehend at the time.
Yeah, it was because that was my first, um, I guess, encounter with, you know, our relationship and having this disability. So it kind of made me think, like, oh, am I hard to love? Like, will no one be able to love me when I'm living with this? Like, is is this it for me?
Why did Emma’s first boyfriend end the relationship after the accident?
It kind of uh 'cause I didn't have anything else to compare it to, it kind of for a long time made me think that I was unlovable in a way. In hindsight, and I've even said this to him, like I am really grateful that I Did kind of get to do that all on my own. Like obviously I had my friends and my family with me, but I felt like I did a lot of it and went through a lot on my own and I know that I became so much stronger because of that.
Fast forwarding a little bit to when you sort of started dating again, what was it like to get back into that dating world with a body that worked so differently?
Well, as I said, it took me a while to kind of accept that, you know, I wasn't damaged and I was still worthy of love and, you know, there were gonna be people that I would meet that would be totally fine with my injury and would be really understanding and accepting. But in the early days I kind of just avoided it because I was so scared of being hurt again. But to be honest, it hasn't been that different. Like the guys that I've met have been super understanding and I think it does help that I've always been from like day one incredibly open with my injury and what it means in terms of like bladder and bowel and loss of feeling. Like I've it's never been a secret.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
How did Emma’s sky‑diving accident change her life and sexuality?
0:02–2:52
2
Why did Emma’s first boyfriend end the relationship after the accident?
2:52–5:10
3
How did Emma learn to accept herself and start dating again?
5:10–7:52
4
What was Emma’s experience having sex for the first time after becoming paraplegic?
7:52–11:04
5
How did Emma shift her focus from genital pleasure to intimacy and new erogenous zones?
11:04–14:19
6
What strategies does therapist Tanya recommend for couples navigating disability‑related changes?
14:19–16:59
7
Which alternative techniques (breath work, body mapping, adaptive toys) can enhance pleasure without feeling?
16:59–20:19
8
What final advice does Emma give for maintaining an open mind and reclaiming sexual empowerment?
20:19–20:57