Rejection: dishing it and dealing with it
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Why does rejection feel so painful and why is it such a common fear in dating?
Well. We might try and kinda neutralise that or diffuse that, deny it, argue back, try and force something that's out of our control. We might try and criticize the other person and bring them down so that it's almost like we're rejecting them back so that it's less painful. Or another really common thing is that we criticize ourselves more as well, that we take it as kind of confirming these beliefs about ourselves and that maybe we're a bit unlovable or unwanted, that we're not quite good enough.
Warning adult content. The hookup. Love and on Triple J. Getting rejected absolutely sucks. It's one of our greatest fears when it comes to dating, but it's also inevitable. So how do we take it on the chin and get back out there? I'm Nat Tencich and if you're dealing with rejection right now or trying to work out how to turn someone down gently, then stick around, because we're getting into that really soon. But first, I wanted to hear a bit about how you've dealt with it so far. And Caitlin from Albany and WA's called in. Now you went on a Tinder date and your date rejected you in a pretty brutal way.
Yeah, hi. Um, he ghosted me in real life, if you could believe that's a thing. So he didn't even
stand you up, he sort of like sat down then stood you up? What what wa what happened?
So we were meeting in a on a public street. Um I was walking to meet him and I think we actually bumped into each other before we got to the meeting spot. So I was like, Oh hey and he was like, Hey, how are you? Um we like had a little bit of small talk. And then he's like, Hey, I just have to make a quick call. And I was like, Okay, yeah, yeah, no worries. Um and I guess he just like went around the corner like there was just an alleyway near where we were standing.
Mm-hmm.
Um And I was like, that's fine. And then and then randomly I actually bumped into another friend and so I started chatting to him for a few minutes. And then by the time that friend walked away Like turned back to look for my date and he was nowhere to be seen.
What? That's so rude. Did he did he message you did he message you later and tell you why he did
that? Mm mm, no, nothing. So that's how I know it was a ghost thing. Absolutely. That is So I think I wasn't a ghost message saying, Nice move asshole with the up down upside down smiley face.
That is what the upside down smiley face is reserved for. Good.
But I don't think he ever responded to that. So
Yeah, wow. And so how did that how did that make you feel? 'Cause that's like that's a brutal rejection. That's that's really unkind. I guess it was just like, Wow,
what what did he say? What was so wrong with me?
Mm. And so that left you kind of wondering and and really like looping through your head. Did did it
Wow, am I that ugly or like? Am I too tall? Like He was shorter than me, I noticed that, but um maybe he was just like, Whoa, no. can't do someone's me and bailed.
Yeah. Yeah, that's I mean a pr mm, maybe. Did did that sort of change the way you thought about going on another date later? Did that kind of psych you out a bit?
Um, well actually I was pretty ballsy that day. I had two dates planned.
How did Caitlin’s “ghosting” experience illustrate common reactions to being rejected?
Here was the lunch here was the lunch date. Um And I was like, you know what? He saved me twenty bucks, I didn't have to buy a meal. Um he obviously was an asshole, so Saved me a bit of time actually, if you look at it that way.
Yeah. Well that's uh one way to take rejection is to put the positive spin on it.
True character within like two minutes. So Look, appreciate that he I didn't have to waste my time. Um Yeah. I don't know. I w I was like reeling like, wow, what what just happened. That's insane.
Yeah, but you dodged you totally dodged a bullet.
I dodged a bullet and I went on to have a second well, a another date later that day, which turned out to be quite well. Um although that guy did ultimately go through uh the traditional non responsive text message.
Oh that's gonna uh that sucks. I'm sorry to hear that. Best of luck going forward though, and it's really good to see it's not like um entirely getting you down.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why does rejection feel so painful and why is it such a common fear in dating?
0:01–3:18
2
How did Caitlin’s “ghosting” experience illustrate common reactions to being rejected?
3:18–7:32
3
What can we learn from Steph’s honest rejection text about handling rejection gracefully?
7:32–11:40
4
Why is being direct and honest the best way to turn someone down gently?
11:40–17:26
5
How does the “rejection game” help desensitise us to fear of being turned down?
17:26–23:04
6
What psychological insights do Stephen and Krista give about why rejection hurts and how to cope?
23:04–27:45
7
How can we rebuild confidence after a friend suddenly ends the friendship?
27:45–31:04
8
What practical steps can listeners take to move forward and stay resilient after any kind of rejection?
31:04–31:21