Sapiosexual - aka when smart is sexy

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The Hook Up 32 min 3 speakers 8 chapters transcribed 1 day ago

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What is sapiosexuality and why is it considered sexy?

Tanya Coons 0:00

Sometimes if I'm in a lecture or there's something that's really like floating my boat, you know, I will turn to a friend who knows how excited I get about these things and say, I think I can feel my underwear falling off. It's just giving me all the thrills and the chills and I can feel arousal in my whole body. Have

Nat Tanchich 0:27

you heard of the term sapiosexual? It's become a bit of a thing in recent years with OkCupid, Field and plenty of other apps adding it to their list of orientations. Heck, there's even an app called Sapio for the express purpose of finding someone like-minded. That is, similarly intellectual people. See, Sapio has a few different definitions. Some say it's when you find intelligence the most attractive thing about someone. Others say it's when intelligence elicits arousal. And others say they just want to date someone smart. But is it so unique to say we're hot for brainy people? Intelligence is kind of absolutely attractive. Hey, I'm Nat Tenchich, and this week I put it to you. Is smart sexy? Do you think smart is sexy?

Tanya Coons 1:18

Yes.

Nat Tanchich 1:19

Do you rate intelligence really highly when you're looking for a partner?

Olivia Maher 1:22

No.

Nat Tanchich 1:23

just if the conversation can flow and like if you're talking about a subject that you're interested in and they can also engage in that subject, then yeah.

Unknown 1:32

Definitely.

Nat Tanchich 1:33

Is it your number one thing you're looking for?

Unknown 1:35

It's high up there. I think if you can't have an intelligent conversation with someone, then you're not very compatible. I don't know, sometimes people who are really intelligent are super arrogant and then that is not sexy. So yeah, depends on whether they are really arrogant about it, I guess. Is smart sexy? Yes, definitely. If you're not smart, then there's basically nothing else about you that's relevant. That has to be the first thing and then the rest of it is a bonus. In my opinion.

Nat Tanchich 2:04

Would you say intelligence is the main thing you look for in a partner?

Unknown 2:08

So there's a little bit of wiggle room there. So if you're really smart but a complete asshole, then that also cancels out your smart points. Do you look for intelligence when you're dating? Most definitely, yes. And how do you gauge it? Just by how upfront they are, if they don't know something or, you know, if I talk about something that they don't know or, you know...

Nat Tanchich 2:30

If you talk about something and they don't know, is that a turn off or if they ask, is that a good thing?

Unknown 2:36

No, it's a good thing. It's always a good thing to be curious and curiosity is a sign of intelligence. I don't think it's necessarily intelligence, but when someone has a skill or a talent, inherently that makes them more attractive, especially if they kind of own that talent and use it to benefit them or someone else or their family. I find that attractive. Especially like if you go see an orchestra or something. There's something about someone who just has a talent that I find sexy. And it takes an intelligence to play an instrument. So maybe. I don't know. This is a really deep question.

How is sapiosexuality defined and what does it mean to be attracted to intelligence?

Unknown 3:08

We only ask the deep questions.

Nat Tanchich 3:11

Have you heard of the term sapiosexual? No. It's basically like an orientation where you're attracted to smartness. What do you think about that?

Unknown 3:21

You know, if you hear that term and you feel seen, then that's great for you. It's not something probably that I would define as, because like I said, you have to be smart and then these other things. But yeah, if it makes people happy, like, sure, that's a good thing.

Olivia Maher 3:39

The

Nat Tanchich 3:45

Hookup on Triple J. On the text line, kindness outweighs external expressions of intelligence. Raw IQ is important, but so is humility. But Bradley from Kellyville says, I wouldn't go as far as identifying as sapiosexual, but I can't get intimate with someone who isn't overly intelligent or just isn't on the same level as me. Well, is it kind of a legit sexual orientation or is it elitist or is it just natural to be into intelligence to help us answer some of those questions? Right now, I'm joined by sex therapist Tanya Coons and Dr. Peter Jonasson, who's a sociopersonality psychologist and lecturer in psychology at the University of Western Sydney.