The ace spectrum (aka when asexuality isn't black or white)
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What does it mean to be asexual and how is the ace spectrum defined?
Well And
it's one of those things, like I do generally enjoy sex. I just don't have that drive for it. It's not something that I really need. If you told me I was gonna go the rest of my life without having sex, I'd be perfectly okay with that. That's fine.
Warning, adult content. The hookup. Love and on Triple J. Being asexual means you don't really experience sexual desire or attraction. But for a lot of people on the ace spectrum, it's not such an either-or scenario. Hey, I'm Nat Tancic. And if you're ace, you might feel sexual attraction from time to time. You might feel romantic attraction, or never feel that at all. For some, it can be, well, grey. Take Kobe, for example. She explained her experience of grey asexuality to the hookup.
So my name's Kobe, I uh living in South Yarra at the moment, but I'm originally from Country Victoria. I'm talking to Hook Up today because we're talking about the Ace Spectrum and that is something that I am on. I guess probably it was happening around like my teenage years and stuff. I realized that a lot of my friends and whatever talking about sex and this kind of like this drive they had and it was just something that I felt like that I was missing out on. Like I just didn't quite get it. I don't think I have at least a strong as sexual drive as most other people and I myself identify as gray sexual. Um so it's kind of this little bit in between where like I occasionally feel it and like it's this constant kind of thing in my head where it's like, am I actually feeling it like other people or not?
But I guess it's just, you know, make it what it what I can. Because it is such an internal thing and it's kind of like You know, you might feel things and you're like, oh maybe that was it and then I I think deep down, like I know it's probably not. I feel like it's probably more like a physical sensual attraction that I feel majorly. I don't think I completely lack sexual attraction, but I yeah, I really don't think it's as strong or really there with as much as other people. When I first found out about um asexual as a thing, I yeah, fully identified with it. I was like flat asexual, just I think this is a hundred percent me. Not really kind of delving into um the whole community any further than that.
And then I guess over the years I've become like a bit more comfortable with my body, a bit more able to explore it a bit, and I've kind of moved a little bit away from that kind of hardline like asexual and kind of I moved more into the great sexual space, researched all the different kind of things underneath and I think that's a part that I fit into the most at the moment. I w want to have that sexual drive. Like I really want to have it, but I just don't think I do. And it's one of those things, like I do generally enjoy sex. I just don't have that drive for it. It's not something that I really need 'cause I don't masturbate or anything like that either.
How does Kobe describe her experience of grey‑ace sexuality?
It's just not something that's like really needed in my life. Like I if you told me I was gonna go the rest of my life without having sex, I'd be perfectly o okay with that. That's fine. asexual people still have sex and stuff. I think it's just more the lack of the sex drives that, you know, is um driving that identity. I guess to me it's kind of like I Still enjoy having sex and I guess sometimes my physical and sensual attraction is kind of driving me into having sex and whatnot. So I guess that puts me on the gray sexual spectrum, just in my kind of terms. I think like occasionally I'll feel sexual attraction on like very rare occasions, but it's um yeah, it's quite rare and doesn't happen very often.
Yeah, I don't even really know how to explain it, but I guess that kind of drive thing comes into it like a little bit more and it's like I s I sense it there and I'm like, Oh wow, okay, you're back, great. On the far end of the romantic spectrum I really like have a lot of romantic attraction and sensual physical attraction for other people. With dating it is quite difficult because I guess it's probably like a lot higher on other people's priority lists than for me.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What does it mean to be asexual and how is the ace spectrum defined?
0:00–2:52
2
How does Kobe describe her experience of grey‑ace sexuality?
2:52–6:41
3
How can grey‑ace individuals navigate dating and communicate their needs?
6:41–9:45
4
What metaphors do experts use to illustrate the asexual spectrum?
9:45–13:47
5
Why is visibility and labeling important for grey‑ace people?
13:47–17:55
6
How do medical professionals mistakenly pathologize asexuality and how can this be addressed?
17:55–21:11
7
What can allosexual partners do to be supportive allies to grey‑ace individuals?
21:11–24:50
8
What key takeaways empower listeners to understand and accept the ace spectrum?
24:50–27:46