Unblurring the lines: how consent makes sex better
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Why did the “Blurred Lines” controversy spark the modern consent conversation?
Can you believe it's been seven years since Blurred Lines? A song that The Guardian called the most controversial of the decade. A song that sparked in my mind the first really visible backlash to the rape culture that had for so long just been considered weirdly normal. It brought the conversation about consent into the mainstream. There are no blurred lines, we claimed then. No means no. We stood up and said, hey, maybe this is actually not okay. About a year ago today, actually, Pharrell denounced the song he co-wrote, saying, I realised that we live in a chauvinist culture. Four years later, Me Too has taught us that sexual harassment and assault are so ingrained that almost every woman has experienced it in some way.
That blurred lines and the attitude of taking what you wanted was still very common and it needed to stop. Well, it's 2020 and where are we at now when it comes to consent? What does enthusiastic ongoing consent really look like? What are the basics you need to know? And how can we really change the way we view sex itself for everyone's benefit?
Music
Nat
Tanchich
here and over the next two episodes we are unblurring the lines not just to make the sex we're having safe but also really effing great because consent doesn't have to be boring it doesn't have to be awkward it can be hot. In fact, you can't have hot sex without it. Yeah, how do you like that idea? And I mean, if you don't believe me, just watch Normal People. It's also something you got in touch with us about because you're so sick and tired of the narrative around consent. Also, just a warning, if anything in these stories or this episode bring up any heavy feelings for you, we've got some services you can reach out to in our show notes.
Hey, this is Mel from Sydney. I actually struggle with vaginismus, so I'm grappling with how to navigate consent post-diagnosis, as it's not an easy conversation to have. I think so much of us act coy when it comes to dating these days that even the concept of consent falls into that realm of coyness and unbothered attitude. Hi, I'm Courtney from Launceston, Tasmania, and I've had a few things happen where there's been no consent asked, and it puts you in a really awkward position. and sometimes you can just freeze and not know what to do and your body goes into complete shock and I've experienced that and You know, I wish I could like stop like a lot of other people going through that because it's horrible.
Hey, this is Steph from Perth. The experiences I've had talking to my close girlfriends predominantly about the number of times that they might have been sleeping with a guy and they have tried to slip their, the guy has tried to slip their penis into the girl's, arsehole during during sexual penetration yeah i suppose for me it just really brings up uh the issue of ongoing consent um in terms of like obviously the sex has been consented to but they haven't necessarily asked the girl or uh warmed them up or gotten any lube or done anything that suggested that they could move from vaginal penetration to beyond that. So yeah, anyway, ongoing consent is a real issue and I think we need to talk about the fact that you can't just say yes once and it needs to be something that is maintained throughout whatever the sexual activity is that is happening.
It really does. And I think that's where a lot of people get confused. Because they think, oh, we're having sex, so obviously it's a yes. No, it's not. You should always be asking and looking for that enthusiastic yes. And there are some great ways to do it without being awkward, without being that, you know, oh, can we do this now? Can we do that now? Can we do this now? We'll get into that real soon and find out what that hot sex can look like. But first, I want to find out a bit more about where we're at right now with consent and how it's defined. And does anything need to change with the systems that are in place to protect us?
Consent is legally defined as being a free and voluntary agreement to participate in a sexual activity with another person.
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
Why did the “Blurred Lines” controversy spark the modern consent conversation?
0:09–7:29
2
How have legal definitions and Me Too changed what consent looks like today?
7:29–13:45
3
What real‑world stories illustrate the challenges of getting ongoing consent?
13:45–21:51
4
How can you practice enthusiastic, ongoing consent without it feeling awkward?
21:51–30:25