What is demisexuality?
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What does demisexuality actually mean and how is it defined?
You may
see
someone down the street and understand them to be conventionally attractive but don't actually experience that attraction until you've perhaps gotten to know them or been through some kind of situation with them where you grow closer together as friends or as people.
We're in the middle of a real moment for casual sex. But maybe you don't really get hot for people you swipe right on or see at the club. At least, not until you talk to them. Demisexuality means only being able to feel sexually attracted to someone once you've made an emotional connection of some kind. Hey, Nat Tanchich with you. And more and more people are identifying with this idea. So it's kind of worth looking at what it's all about and what it's like to be demisexual. I sat down with a couple of demisexual people to hear what it means to them in their own words.
Hi, my name's Chloe and I identify as being sexual. I guess it was when I saw the definition and I was like, oh my God, there's a name for it. Like that's a real thing. I definitely like engaged in a lot of kind of like slutty sexual behavior, which I have absolutely no problem with. I love sluts, you know, I support sluts. it wasn't healthy for me i was doing it in a way that was really um really self-destructive and almost like using sex as self-harm and i don't know i guess it just i'm not so sure about like pressure but yeah definitely that it was that it was normal and I was definitely seeking a lot of validation through sex, kind of. I never really enjoyed it. I never really enjoyed it. But then, you know, but I am still a sexual person.
But, you know, I would never, I would never have orgasms. I would never be comfortable. And it was this just massive performance kind of thing. Yeah, when I kind of like understood I was demisexual, like then it put it in perspective for me. I was like, oh, yeah, like I didn't even realize before that like it's, When I have a connection with someone, that's when I enjoy it. Like, you know, I thought that was just, oh, you have better sex when you're in a relationship.
Hey, I'm T and I'm demisexual. I suppose my first thoughts were, yeah, okay, I can see how that would fit with some people. And then I was like, oh, hang on. Actually, no, that fits with me as well. That makes perfect sense. Well, it helps me with my understanding of myself and how I interact with the world. So when you find these labels that apply to you, you suddenly understand yourself better and the way you're behaving better. I mean, I can understand when someone says, damn, that person's hot. I can look at it and understand it. I can be like, yeah, I understand in the world. I see that body. And yeah, I completely get that that's a kind of body that... people find sexy. That is what is conventionally attractive.
I completely understand that in the same way that, you know, a car person might look at some big fancy Ferrari and go, wow, look at this amazing car. And I can look at it and go, yep, that is absolutely a really great car that makes, it's really pretty and looks really great. But I just don't care that much about it, to be honest. But if I had, you know, got in that car and driven around in it, I'd be like, actually, yeah, I do want to buy this car. This is a really amazing car. I've developed this emotional connection with it in the same way with people. You may see someone down the street and understand them to be conventionally attractive, but don't actually experience that attraction until you've perhaps gotten to know them or been through some kind of situation with them where you grow closer together as friends or as people.
Why are more people identifying as demisexual in today’s hookup culture?
I mean, I really think it's just something that comes naturally. I'm a pretty open person. And so just finding someone that you just connect with, you know, those people that you suddenly You meet and you just, you talk for like one instance I'm thinking of is I went on like a Tinder date at like 2pm, you know, just coffee or whatever. And then we ended up talking for like 10 hours straight. And then we ended up, and I was like, no, no, no, I don't want to have sex tonight, you know?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What does demisexuality actually mean and how is it defined?
0:00–3:35
2
Why are more people identifying as demisexual in today’s hookup culture?
3:35–6:51
3
How do personal stories illustrate the experience of being demisexual?
6:51–11:39
4
Can demisexuality coexist with other sexual orientations like gay, straight, or bisexual?
11:39–15:21
5
What are the common misconceptions and pressures demisexual people face?
15:21–20:19
6
How can labels like ‘demisexual’ help or hinder personal understanding and relationships?
20:19–24:32
7
What advice do experts give for navigating relationships as a demisexual?
24:32–27:34
8
How can society become more accepting and supportive of demisexual individuals?
27:34–30:26