Demanding Lobster Linguine, Puppies & Limos
episodePreviously titled “Demanding Prawn Linguine, Puppies & Limo's” — renamed by the publisher on Aug 4, 2026
Transcript
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Just before we start, nothing is on fire. Fire is on things. Wait, nothing is… Ooh. Yeah. That's good. Just a little shower thought for your Wednesday. Nothing is on fire. Fire is on things. Oh, but… Also, just while I'm at it, do you think crabs think that fish can fly? Well… I don't know. That's kind of got me. We'd have to get a crab in here and ask him. That's kind of got me. But then crabs go out of water. And then they see birds and then they're really tweaking out. No, but they can't swim. Yeah. So they think fish can fly. That's pretty cool. That's real cool. It's like maybe... Poor crabs get stitched up. Maybe we think that about birds, but it's just because we can't swim or fly. What? We can swim.
Well, I can. We can swim, yeah, true. Well, you know what I'm saying. I kind of get what you're putting down. We are crabs, eh? We are.
Alrighty, we have Dr. Money, Ari Gold, the guy who prints cash, my manager, Jack Sopono, in the building with us for an update on my gig or this new Falkalicious. Falkalicious Rebirth. DJ Falkalicious is back. He has risen from the dead after... A two to three year, maybe even four year little break. Just like the podcast. Like no one thought we're coming back. No one thought Viaclis was coming back. I thought this definitely wasn't coming back. Me either. But… But just a quick recap. Not long ago, an email came through my side of the fence, basically requesting my artists, one of my artists, presents at an actual real event. They want a DJ Falkalicious there with a performance fee of $10,000. What are we doing?
We're waving that or what? What are we doing with that? Well, essentially... Wave it. What are we doing with it? As the awesome manager that I am, I've been able to negotiate that down to basically zero. So we won't be taking the money. But basically last week, we came up with some requests that we have as a management team and group. Sure, you're taking a little cut. What's your cut? My cut is… What's a management's cut? People probably want to know out there. My personal cut or the typical going rate? Yeah, what's your… Okay, the going rate is probably like 25%. 25%? Far out. I just made that up. I think it's usually about 20%. If he says that, he's taking 50 from you. He's taking me for a ride, eh? The going rate's about 20%.
Let's say 20%. But unfortunately for me, we don't make any money. So I get 20% of nothing, essentially. Still 20%. Still 20%. Still 20% of my… What's in it for me is seeing my friends' dreams come true. And my friends, but also I get… Sure it is.
What are the outrageous demands of DJ Falkalicious for his performance?
As every manager would say, famous last words, before they steal all your money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, anyway. Before we get caught up, I just was like… Last week, we obviously came up with a bunch of requests that we have for this event. If you want to come and perform. And so, I thought that I would today maybe read out the email that I sent back to Jemima as a response to her request for your attendance. Okay. So… Jemima. Jemima. Dear Jemima… Thank you for reaching out through the official management channel. I'll be transparent. This inbox receives a significant volume of booking requests. Demand for DJ Falkalicious has been considerable since the marathon party and to date we have not accepted a single headline offer yet.
The decision to respond to yours was not taken lightly. Oh my god. Something about Odyssey felt right. DJ Falkalicious moves on instinct and the instinct here is good. How good is Chachamite? That's great. I wrote this. As you can imagine, an artist of this caliber performing his first official headline set is a significant moment for the college event and frankly for Australian music in general. And we want to honor that appropriately. I speak highly of you. No, no, no. I'm down for it. I'm down for it. Yeah, yeah. DJ Falkalicious is, first and foremost, a man of the people. We will not be able to accept the $10,000 fee. However, given the caliber of artists you're working with, we do have a number of requests that we would like you to accommodate.
Transportation.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–3:24
2
What are the outrageous demands of DJ Falkalicious for his performance?
3:24–7:08
3
How does the negotiation process unfold for DJ Falkalicious's event?
7:08–13:37
4
What unique requests does DJ Falkalicious make for his limo ride?
13:37–43:47
5
What listener submissions are featured in The Vault segment?
43:47–45:07
6
How do the hosts react to listener grievances shared in The Vault?
45:07–46:06