Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Just before we start, nothing is on fire. Fire is on things. Wait, nothing is… Ooh. Yeah. That's good. Just a little shower thought for your Wednesday. Nothing is on fire. Fire is on things. Oh, but… Also, just while I'm at it, do you think crabs think that fish can fly? Well… I don't know. That's kind of got me. We'd have to get a crab in here and ask him. That's kind of got me.
But then crabs go out of water. And then they see birds and then they're really tweaking out. No, but they can't swim. Yeah. So they think fish can fly. That's pretty cool. That's real cool. It's like maybe... Poor crabs get stitched up. Maybe we think that about birds, but it's just because we can't swim or fly. What? We can swim. Well, I can. We can swim, yeah, true.
Well, you know what I'm saying. I kind of get what you're putting down. We are crabs, eh? We are. Alrighty, we have Dr. Money, Ari Gold, the guy who prints cash, my manager, Jack Sopono, in the building with us for an update on my gig or this new Falkalicious. Falkalicious Rebirth. DJ Falkalicious is back. He has risen from the dead after...
A two to three year, maybe even four year little break. Just like the podcast. Like no one thought we're coming back. No one thought Viaclis was coming back. I thought this definitely wasn't coming back. Me either. But… But just a quick recap. Not long ago, an email came through my side of the fence, basically requesting my artists, one of my artists, presents at an actual real event.
They want a DJ Falkalicious there with a performance fee of $10,000. What are we doing? We're waving that or what? What are we doing with that? Well, essentially... Wave it. What are we doing with it? As the awesome manager that I am, I've been able to negotiate that down to basically zero. So we won't be taking the money.
But basically last week, we came up with some requests that we have as a management team and group. Sure, you're taking a little cut. What's your cut? My cut is… What's a management's cut? People probably want to know out there. My personal cut or the typical going rate? Yeah, what's your… Okay, the going rate is probably like 25%. 25%? Far out. I just made that up.
I think it's usually about 20%. If he says that, he's taking 50 from you. He's taking me for a ride, eh? The going rate's about 20%. Let's say 20%. But unfortunately for me, we don't make any money. So I get 20% of nothing, essentially. Still 20%. Still 20%. Still 20% of my… What's in it for me is seeing my friends' dreams come true. And my friends, but also I get… Sure it is.
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Chapter 2: What are the outrageous demands of DJ Falkalicious for his performance?
As every manager would say, famous last words, before they steal all your money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, anyway. Before we get caught up, I just was like… Last week, we obviously came up with a bunch of requests that we have for this event. If you want to come and perform.
And so, I thought that I would today maybe read out the email that I sent back to Jemima as a response to her request for your attendance. Okay. So… Jemima. Jemima. Dear Jemima… Thank you for reaching out through the official management channel. I'll be transparent. This inbox receives a significant volume of booking requests.
Demand for DJ Falkalicious has been considerable since the marathon party and to date we have not accepted a single headline offer yet. The decision to respond to yours was not taken lightly. Oh my god. Something about Odyssey felt right. DJ Falkalicious moves on instinct and the instinct here is good. How good is Chachamite? That's great. I wrote this.
As you can imagine, an artist of this caliber performing his first official headline set is a significant moment for the college event and frankly for Australian music in general. And we want to honor that appropriately. I speak highly of you. No, no, no. I'm down for it. I'm down for it. Yeah, yeah. DJ Falkalicious is, first and foremost, a man of the people.
We will not be able to accept the $10,000 fee. However, given the caliber of artists you're working with, we do have a number of requests that we would like you to accommodate. Transportation. Limousine pickup and drop-off for the artist and his posse. Stocked with ice-cold Guinness and Guinness branded glasses.
The artist has also requested two to three golden retrievers in the vehicle along with his dog, Macy. A green room for the artist and his posse. Jack requested freshly shucked oysters. What about a lobster pasta? I, well, I... What happened there? A lobster pasta with the cherry tomatoes? To be linguine. Oysters and halfies. Oysters, halfies, and I love like a prawn linguine.
Whose show is it, hey? Can I get an email first? I didn't put that in the email. Okay. I thought you were asking. I'm looking after you, bro.
I need to be a good hype man. I need to have energy, right?
Hang on, hang on. If we want to make some deals after this, we can... We'll come back to that.
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Chapter 3: How does the negotiation process unfold for DJ Falkalicious's event?
But it's definitely… It looks like a wanted poster.
No.
Yeah, literally. Crime stoppers, you see this guy? Do not approach. That's what it looks like. Anyway, we can talk specifics later. I just wanted to bring everyone up to speed on where we were at with your basically debut performance. Yeah, and you know what? You go with a lot and they can only come back. They can only crush you back. Has Jemima came back? Yes. Has she?
And I was going to, I've got her phone number. So I thought we could give her a call. Holy shit. And maybe we can even do some live negotiations, you know, like part of the deal kind of stuff here.
Okay.
I can't wait to hear the fucking manager at work here. I want to see you in action here. This is where you should really step up. And I want to see how good of a manager you are. If you need advice, you know, the business mentors every season next year, I can tag team in. Okay. But like on mute. I would love to see you really like push for some things. Try and get some extras in there.
I'm not going to lie. I've never made a deal ever. That email is very precisely written with fucking credentials. I didn't like that email. They sounded like you've been around town for a while. He's catfishing her as a manager. You know when someone talks big game? Yeah. And they grow up and they're all real nervous and shy.
They're trying to sex them on one. Say yes to anything.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, let's call her. Let's call her.
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Chapter 4: What unique requests does DJ Falkalicious make for his limo ride?
All I would like to say is just for safety, have like the fire brigade on standby because things are going to get steamy. It's going to be some fire in the booth. So just have them on standby. That's all I will ask. That's all my only request. The rest is from my management and team. But my only request is have a fire brigade on standby. He talks a big game and I love it. I love it.
I think he's probably one of the biggest names we've had. So that's super exciting. I just had a quick question about the post-show advertising.
Yes, yes, yes.
With just the full-size bus wrap which you requested, I thought it was, yeah, awesome. Really great photo. And I think, yeah, just really great stuff.
That's all we like to hear.
She hates it. Yeah, we were super keen to make it work. So we are, though, looking for the full bus wrap at a minimum of $11,000. Okay, okay. $11,000. So I just thought I'd throw, like we've just looked at maybe some other sizing options. So we've got the Super King. Okay.
That is 11. Super King, that sounds good. That sounds awesome.
Fit for a king. So that's 11 feet wide, three feet tall on the side of the bus. That's at a lot more doable price for a month.
Any other ideas?
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Chapter 5: What listener submissions are featured in The Vault segment?
I'll never tell anyone just because it's just, I don't know. I don't want to talk about it.
I don't want to talk about it. It's not even good.
Give me some inspiration then. Okay, time for inspiration. A favorite time of the episode. Dams is quite close as well, but end on a good note. So everyone, relax. Take a big, deep breath in. Hold for four and then out for four while I spit some wisdom. Your death will come on an ordinary day in the middle of unfinished plans and the world will continue without you. So live a little. Depressing.
You think it's depressing, but it's not. It's telling you to go out there and live and cherish your life and make the most of every moment. In a really depressing way. No. That's how you look at it. That's how you're looking at the world right now.
Just because it has the word death in it, everyone thinks you're going to... No, but like... I'm going to be dying on some heroic... Yeah, you mightn't be an ordinary day. I'll be... But you don't know and that's the thing like obviously we're all going to pass by in this life which is completely heavy. That's just the one thing that we all can't escape. Can't escape.
And I'm just going to say this is an uplifting thing. It means you got to live your life in the best way possible how you want to live. Yeah, and you're just going to die on an ordinary day. Yeah, your death will come on an ordinary day, right?
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Chapter 6: How do the hosts react to listener grievances shared in The Vault?
You're not going to die on an ordinary day. But the ordinary day just means whenever. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's like don't be care… I feel like I interpret this as be free from judgment. You know? We're scared to do things because we think the world's like just like watching us. But no one even cares about us.
Yeah.
Everyone's worried about themselves and doing their own thing. Oh, mate. I've been watching these history documentaries and I'm just thinking about people before Christ and in the year 1300 and whatever. They lived a whole life. You're just here and gone. Life is fast. You need to live the way you want to live and live it right and stop wasting time. Fuck, I'm getting real excited.
I'm scared of death. Now I'm thinking about it. Same. I'm shitting myself right now. I'm actually freaking out. That's the way you're going to live. I don't want to die. No, no. You've got too much to do in this world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll go get it. You've got a purpose. So does everyone listening. I love you all.
Let's have a good one. Love you guys. Thanks for listening.
See you on the footpath. Yeah, yeah.
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