1388: Family Court | Skeptical Sunday
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What are the common myths about family court bias against fathers?
Welcome to Skeptical Sunday. I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger. Today I'm here with Skeptical Sunday co-host, writer and researcher, Nick Pell. On the Jordan Harbinger Show, we decode the stories, secrets, and skills of the world's most fascinating people and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you. Thank you so much for having me. Internet porn, hypnosis, homeopathy, the death industry, weddings. If you're new to the show or you want to tell your friends about the show, I suggest our episode starter packs. These are collections of our favorite episodes on persuasion and negotiation, psychology, disinformation, junk science, crime and cults, and more.
That'll help new listeners get a taste of everything we do here on the show. Just visit jordanharbinger.com slash start or search for us in your Spotify app to get started. Today on the show, if you ask the average guy what family court is like for men, he's going to tell you it's a grim, shadowy kangaroo court run by man-hating judges seeking the destruction of the nuclear family and his home especially. It's a persistent idea that the mom always wins and walks away with half of what the man owns in custody of the kids. If he's lucky, he's going to get every other weekend and a couple of weeks during the summer for a trip to Disneyland. But how true is this? In 2026, is this a caricature based on the truth or an outdated stereotype that bears no resemblance to reality today?
And if gender bias is gone from our nation's family courts, why are some activists seemingly intent on bringing it back? Here today to help us take custody of the truth is writer, researcher, and family court veteran, Nick Pell. Nick, you spent, well, a lot of time in family court. I'll just leave it there.
Yeah, it was about two years just on my divorce. And then my ex-wife came back. Three months later, I'm only legally allowed to talk so much about my specific case. Obviously, my sole experience isn't what we're here to talk about today, but I think my experience is fairly typical. OK, how so? I know everyone probably expects me to be like, oh, man, family court sucks. They just soak these poor guys dry and then take their kids away. That was not my experience at all. Part of this is a function of living in Arizona. But my experience, as we'll learn, is going to be much more typical than the horror stories you might have heard.
So just to highlight this, Nick, you got divorced in Arizona. So this is the state that you have direct experience with. But you've also researched other states. And, you know, the usual disclaimer applies here. None of this is legal advice. You got to talk to a lawyer for your state, for your situation, etc.,
Yeah, anytime some guy has a horror story, I'm just like, dude, who was your lawyer? I mean, one of the lawyers I spoke to but didn't hire, she got 50-50 custody for a Coke dealer.
You've told me this before, and that's kind of crazy to me because, of course, I'm thinking about the stereotypes as well, like, oh, the mom usually gets custody, and it's like, nope, this was a dad, he was a Coke dealer, and he got 50-50 custody. How does that happen?
The courts decided that for whatever reason... him being a coke dealer wasn't compelling evidence that he was an unfit father i'm guessing like he was selling eight balls at the bar or something you know like maybe
i
don't think i don't think this guy was
scarface yeah he's not a cartel sicario that happens to sell coke on the side right okay no
uh but you generally have to prove in family court that somebody is an unfit parent That's the standard if you want to deprive them of their parental rights. Now, what constitutes unfit, that varies from state to state. And there are still some pockets where, yeah, it's possible maybe men are getting a raw deal. But for the most part, no, this is just not the case.
So we'll get down into the nitty gritty here, because I know that this is a persistent claim, especially online. I see it all the time.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What are the common myths about family court bias against fathers?
0:03–11:22
2
How have custody laws changed since the 1980s to become gender‑neutral?
11:22–20:35
3
What does “best interests of the child” actually mean for legal and physical custody?
20:35–28:25
4
How can a parent document evidence and communicate effectively (BIFF) during a divorce?
28:25–35:35
5
Why do many dads lose custody before the trial even starts, and how can they avoid it?
35:35–44:49
6
How is child support calculated today and why might a dad end up paying it?
44:49–52:21
7
What are the pitfalls of custody evaluations and how can you choose a fair evaluator?
52:21–1:01:41
8
What role do activist movements and “family court reform” play, and why might they be problematic?
1:01:41–1:11:39
Speakers
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