The Save The Marriage Podcast

Momentum: The Physics of a Failing Marriage

18 Mar 2026

Contributed by Lukas

My high school science teacher almost helped me make TNT in the chemistry lab! That's how this episode starts. But it's not really about chemistry....

Limiting Beliefs That Limit Your Marriage

11 Mar 2026

Contributed by Lukas

It almost seems redundant, doesn't it? If you have limited beliefs, they could limit something -- say, for example, your marriage. I say IF you hav...

What DOES Pickleball Have To Do With Marriage??

04 Mar 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Probably more than you want to admit. I've been playing pickleball for about four years. Started when my wife and I moved to a new community — we...

Stop Spinning the Wheel

25 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Einstein said we can't solve our problems with the same thinking that created them. And if you've been working on your marriage—trying hard, puttin...

“If It Were Meant To Be”… Is a Load of Crap!

18 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

I hear it a lot. Sometimes from someone in the middle of a marriage crisis, trying to make sense of the pain. Sometimes from someone who hasn't hit cr...

When Pop Psychology Destroys Your Marriage

11 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

"I'm just Type A—that's why we clash." "I'm an Alpha male. This is just who I am." "I'm anxiously attached. I can't help how I react." I hear the...

Belonging Together??

04 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode of the podcast, I explore why marriages feel empty even when couples are still together. The answer isn't about compatibility or wheth...

The Four Failing Fears

28 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

You've decided to save your marriage. You start the process, maybe even make some progress. Then, BAM!  You hit a wall. A wall of fear.  Fears...

The RISE Framework: Moving From Surface Talk to Soul-Level Connection

21 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

When successful men feel powerful at work but powerless at home, something fundamental is missing. In this episode, Mitchell Osmond, leadership consul...

Resetting in 2026

14 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Resetting in 2026 New year. Same marriage problems? Here's the thing: most people approach a new year with good intentions but no actual reset. Th...

“I get knocked down, I get up again…”

07 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

You started working on saving your marriage.  Good for you! And then, you hit a bump.  You get knocked down.  Maybe you discovered an affair, ph...

Special Holiday Edition: The Ghosts of Relationships Past

23 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Do you settle down with a good book you have read over and over this time of year?  I read my kids the exact same Christmas book every single year.  ...

To-Do’s and To-Don’ts of Saving Your Marriage, Pt. 2

17 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

You want to save a marriage... but you may not be sure what to do.  And I guess it is also a question of what not to do. BOTH what TO do and wha...

Quiet Divorce: The Truth

10 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

“Quiet Divorce.”  It seems to be the topic of article after article.  And the articles make it seem like, “No big deal, just happens, oh well....

How You Deal with Negativity

03 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

It happens.  In the middle of a marriage crisis, you can find yourself surrounded by negativity.  A spouse negative about the marriage.  Friends an...

The Pause Problem (and Solution)

19 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

When did it happen?  When did your marriage’s trajectory head in the wrong direction? Probably long before you thought, long before you could se...

To-Do’s and To-Don’ts of Saving Your Marriage, Pt. 1

12 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

You want to save a marriage... but you may not be sure what to do.  And I guess it is also a question of what not to do. BOTH what TO do and wha...

Distraction or Traction?

05 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

What gets in the way of you getting traction in your efforts to save your marriage? These days, there is one very substantial reason... one thing t...

The Zombie Marriage

30 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Is your marriage infected by the "zombie virus?"  Do you find your relationship to be the "walking dead?"  Are emotions lost and connections missing...

How to Save Your Marriage When You Hate Your Spouse

22 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

A listener had a question... and it isn't the first time I've heard it.  How DO you save your marriage when you feel hate for your spouse?  That doe...

Can AI Save Your Marriage… Or End It??

15 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Are you an AI user?  Do you find yourself chatting with AI about things in your life? How about regarding your marriage?? If you are using AI a...

Myths of Saving Your Marriage

08 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Do you ever start on some new habit you heard about, maybe about the best diet or exercise, only to find that it isn’t true later on?  And have you...

Affairs and Their Aftermath

01 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Question:  does an affair cause marital problems or do marital problems cause affairs? Answer:  YES. Longer answer:  for the majority of affa...

Why You’re Fighting… and What to Do

24 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Have you found yourself in the middle of an argument, toe-to-toe with your spouse, with that little part of your brain saying, "why am I even arguing ...

Feeling Stuck?? No Closer??

17 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

What do you do when your spouse has shifted back toward you… some… but is still distant?  More distant than you would like? Do you have to jus...

Getting Better or Getting Bitter

10 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

I often watch people move toward one of two possibilities when a marriage is in trouble:  Getting Better or Getting Bitter.  One letter difference, ...

Getting Your Spouse to Agree?? Dangerous!

03 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

I know. You want to convince your spouse to see things your way.  So, you set out to "get" your spouse to agree with you. ...And you have now begu...

The 3 Layers of Connection

20 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Connection is the lifeblood of marriage.  In fact, we are wired for deep connection.  And while the connection works best within the marriage relati...

How Steep?

13 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

“How hard is it to save my marriage?” the email started.  The writer wanted my opinion on whether my System would work. There was a problem, thou...

Can It Be Saved?? How to know…

06 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Can you save your marriage?? That is, to be honest, probably the biggest "speed bump" for someone who wants to save their marriage. They wonder ...

Having Hope

30 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Your spouse thinks it’s hopeless.  You may even be wondering that, too.  But is it?  Is it hopeless? Or is the problem that your spouse is hop...

5 Reasons Why Your Plan is Stalled

23 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Are your efforts to save your marriage getting stalled?  Maybe we should take a look at your plan. You do have a plan, don't you? Let's talk ab...

Are You Getting Dragged Under??

16 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Every marriage crisis starts as a crisis of an individual.  As it expands into the marriage, the question is whether you, the spouse, will get pulled...

What Makes A Marriage Great?

09 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

What makes a marriage work? What makes a marriage GREAT? Maybe you are trying to save your marriage, and aren't sure if that even matters.  May...

Are You Dragging a Spouse to Therapy??

02 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

The email said, “I talked my spouse into going to therapy.” Another one asked, “How do I drag my spouse to therapy?” Oof. The first person was...

The Clarity of a Crisis

25 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Nothing gets your focus and attention like a crisis.  But sometimes, that Crisis Clarity isn't so helpful. Let's backtrack just a minute.  What i...

Proving Your Viewpoint (Is Dangerous!)

18 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

I can’t count how many times a couple has come to me for “help with our communication skills.”  Funny thing is, they communicate just fine. ...

Wrong Focus: 3 Places People Focus… and Shouldn’t

11 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

At the beginning of a coaching session, my clients often tell me what they have been focused on in their marriage crisis.  Almost always, they are fo...

The NMF Path to Failure

04 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

The email was pages long, all about the problems in her marriage.  Each line was about how her husband had ruined the marriage.  She pointed out act...

Dangerous Approaches to Saving Your Marriage

28 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Have you done an online search for info on how to save your marriage?  Were you overwhelmed with the results?? And the crazy amount of different appr...

Rewiring Your Relationship

14 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Does your brain help or hinder your efforts to save your marriage? If you are like most people, your brain is actually a barrier in your efforts. ...

Stuck in Limbo??

07 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Do you feel like you are stuck in limbo?  That crazy spot where you can’t move forward, but aren’t ending things?  Is it a spouse who has you st...

Should True Love be Effortless??

30 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Maybe you have heard these lines: "Love should just happen." "This is just too much work." "I'm not feeling it, so it must not be true love...

The Problem(s) with Marital Therapy (the Therapist WON’T Tell You)

23 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Let me say it here, in writing:  I am NOT opposed to marital therapy.  I am quite concerned, however, on how marital therapy happens now.  I am con...

Malice vs. Neglect

16 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Many times, I watch couples caught in a spiral of accusations, each convinced of maliciousness on the part of their spouse.  But I don't think that i...

Forgiveness – NOT a Blank Check

09 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Just to be clear, I am ALL FOR forgiveness.  I have talked about on the Save The Marriage Podcast and on my Thriveology Podcast. And in a marriage...

It’s NOT the Event!

02 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

I used to notice how often an engaged couple would become so focused on getting married -- the wedding -- that they had a hard time focusing on what t...

Big Mistake #3 People Make

27 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

There are lots of mistakes people make in their efforts to save their marriage.   This particular mistake is what I consider to be the 3rd biggest.  ...

Facing the FACTs of Your Crisis

19 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Sometimes, just a hint or trick will do it.  Maybe you want a trick or hint for an online game.  Or even a trick for a better pancake.  A hint for ...

5 Things You Must STOP Doing

12 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

I know it hurts.  And I know that the pain, the anger, and the frustration can get you to act in ways that are not helpful. Lots of people are not...

Dealing with Apathy

05 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

So, what DO you do when apathy strikes?  It might be YOUR apathy.  But more likely, it will be your spouse's apathy. (And it might be both of you!) ...

Choosing Your Response

26 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever been sucked into a situation or argument, then realized your actions were not what you wanted? There is that split second, that pause...

You Have A Choice

19 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

“It’s your choice,” I reassured her.  It was a call I picked up between sessions.  The person told me she had been following my System, but wa...

Don’t Fall for Bad Advice

12 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

I wish this only happened every now and then. Imagine, for a second, that someone is working on saving their marriage.  In this case, they have ch...

On The Team??

05 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

One more argument.  One more struggle.  They sat on my couch, facing each other down as opponents in some contest to... win... well, to be honest, I...

2 Big Fears and Insecurities

29 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Fears. They can certainly derail us humans! But what about relationship fears?  Just those basic fears and insecurities that we all carry with us ...

Games Couples Play

22 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Games should be fun.  But the games we are talking about today are NOT fun. These are patterns of interaction and communication. The design is ...

Hot or Cold??

15 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Is your marriage crisis marked by heated arguments or cold distance?  Hot or cold? Are they really that different?  Or is it all a part of the sa...

Blame… who’s the problem??

08 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Maybe your spouse has been saying, "This is ALL YOUR FAULT!"  Or maybe it is just you... wondering... torturing yourself... about whether this marria...

Hopeful or Hopeless??

18 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Miranda asked me, “What do I do?  My spouse is hopeless that we can save our marriage. I’m losing hope, too." A while back, I did a training f...

When the Holidays Get Heavy: Marriage Crisis

11 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

When life is hard, Holidays can feel heavy.  When there is a marriage crisis, it can be tough to muster the energy to even move forward — especiall...

Did Your Therapist Go Straight To Divorce??

04 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

"In our very first session, our therapist told me that we were divorcing and I need to accept it," Claire wrote. I invited people to submit questio...

Don’t tell. Here’s why…

20 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I know.  It's tempting.  Your marriage is having troubles and you want to talk about it.  Maybe your friends would be good to tell.  Or maybe your...

3 Ways You May Fail (in saving your marriage)

13 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

You want to save your marriage. Right? That is why you are here, right?  So, what might get in your way?  How might you fail in your efforts? ...

Therapy? Coaching? Alone?? Together??

06 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I had nearly back-to-back discussions with people about coaching and therapy. One wanted to know if I could see them and their spouse. The other wante...

Zombie-Infected Marriage?

30 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Is your marriage infected by the "zombie virus?"  Do you find your relationship to be the "walking dead?"  Are emotions lost and connections missing...

5 Steps to Managing Your Emotions

16 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It can be an emotional storm in the middle of a marriage crisis.  Sometimes, it seems that every little thing blows up into big things... almost with...

The Safety Zone??

09 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

She started the conversation by telling how she was confused… her spouse had confused her.  He said he didn’t feel safe enough to share his emoti...

Why You Are Derailed (And What to Do About It)

02 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

When a marriage crisis hits, people kick into gear!  They dig in and work on their relationship. Many times, they start to see results.  Things are ...

Change: Can You? Can Your Marriage??

25 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Is it actually possible for people to change?? For you to change?? For your marriage to change? That question has been asked for millenia.  It is ...

Starting Point: Me or WE??

18 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

What do you do if your spouse decides they need to work on themselves... and then they may (or may not) be willing to work on the marriage?  What do ...

Principle: Connect, Don’t Crowd

11 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Connection is so important for a marriage.  When connection is cut off, the relationship falters.  When a marriage is disconnected, the marriage is ...

3 Turning Points To Act On

04 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Many times, people contact me to tell me that their marriage is... well... continuing to spiral down, in spite of their efforts. Over the years, I ...

Get Knocked Down, Get Back Up

28 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

You started working on saving your marriage.  Good for you! And then, you hit a bump.  You get knocked down.  Maybe you discovered an affair, ph...

Is Your Spouse Stuck in the Negative?

14 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Several listeners asked why a spouse only remembers the negative, or only dwells on the negative.  Why don't they remember the good times or see the ...

How To Know If It’s Too Late To Save Your Marriage

07 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

How do you know if it is too late to save your marriage?? That happens to be one of the most common questions I get from people... sometimes even a...

The Path is to WE

31 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

My approach is the 3C approach to saving your marriage.  The 3C's are C-onnect, C-hange, and C-reate.  Connect with your spouse.  Change yourself. ...

“Space” vs. Connection

17 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It is such a common demand from a spouse during a marital crisis:  “I need space!  You just need to give me space!” Yet here I am, telling yo...

4 Stages of Crisis Awareness

10 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In my Save The Marriage System Quick-Start Guide, I show the 8 distinct stages of a marriage crisis. But those are the stages of the crisis.  There a...

Who’s The Bigger Victim?

03 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Most people don’t come right out and say it, but they have a sneaking suspicion that they are the victim in their marital situation.  They believe ...

“What About ME??” – When YOU Feel Unloved

26 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Let me be the first to say, saving your marriage can be hard on you emotionally! Well, I don't really need to tell you, do I?  YOU are living it! ...

What Makes Marital Therapy Succeed or Fail?? The Factors

19 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

For many couples in a troubled marriage, their first stop is marital therapy. In fact, for many, it is almost an instinctive reaction.  Marriage prob...

Force Connection??

12 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Surely you can convince your spouse to work on your marriage… right?  Yes, your marriage is in crisis.  But if you say the right thing… or say i...

“I Can’t”… are you sure??

05 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

On a regular basis (meaning, several times each week), I have a discussion with a client that ends in the client saying, "I can't...."  Yes, they fin...

What can you do alone?

29 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Can one person save a marriage, even if your spouse doesn’t want it? I do say that my Save The Marriage System can save your marriage, even if on...

CAUTION: Open Season on Your Marriage

24 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This is a SPECIAL EDITION of the Save The Marriage Podcast! Why?  Because we are on the cusp of an elevated threat to marriages... and it might incl...

Waking Up To The Crisis

23 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In my Save The Marriage System Quick-Start Guide, I show the 8 distinct stages of a marriage crisis. But those are the stages of the crisis.  There a...

Don’t Be a Chaser or a Spacer! (Do This Instead)

15 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

There is a better than 80% chance that, at this moment, you are a Chaser.  In doing a little informal research, I noticed that about 90% of the peopl...

The Path to Intimacy

08 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Many people tell me of their desperation to find intimacy -- and their sadness over not having it in their marriage. But is it possible to find tha...

From Pause Button to Panic Button

02 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

You hit the Pause Button on your marriage.  I get it.  You didn't realize you were doing it, and didn't know it was a problem.  You just thought yo...

No, this will NOT fix your marriage! (but it’s the #1 request in therapy)

24 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Yes, this is the #1 thing people request in therapy. And no, fixing it will not fix your marriage. This is part rant, part warning, and part explan...

Dealing With an Indifferent Spouse

03 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

For awhile, I have been answering listener-submitted questions, and continue to do so in this episode (if YOU want to ask a question, send it to podca...

3 Failpoints You Face

27 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Where could your efforts fail? Those are the failpoints. They can trip you up and make you think nothing will work in your efforts. But let me b...

Milestones and Markers — 500 Episodes!

21 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

When I started this podcast over 10 years ago, I wondered how far we would go. Well, here we are on episode 500, with over 5.25 million downloads to f...

The Trick to Saving Your Marriage

13 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Let's just say that the bumper sticker, "I used to be cool," has nothing to do with me. I was not cool. I was more the nerdy kid. And to be honest, I'...

Facing FACTs

07 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Sometimes, just a hint or trick will do it.  Maybe you want a trick or hint for an online game.  Or even a trick for a better pancake.  A hint for ...

How to Get Help for Your Marriage… and Mistakes To Avoid

28 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Your marriage is in trouble, and you know you need help. But what type of help?  And how do you know if it is the right help for your marriage?  Tou...

The Connection Trap

21 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I know. I say it all the time. Connection is crucial -- even critical -- for the health and survival of your marriage. But what if there is a trap....

The Pause Problem

14 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The Pause Button.  You didn't know you hit it.  But you probably did. "We'll get back to each other after the kids/ promotion/ travels/ hobbies/ ...

7 Complicators to Your Efforts to Save Your Marriage

24 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Saving your marriage is important. But not always easy. Isn't that a truth in life, though? What is easy is rarely important. And what is important is...