E931 Ask Nick - Should I Take Him Back?
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How long should I hold on to a relationship?
Hi, my name is Paige. I'm 30 years old, and I'm just wondering how long I should hold on to my relationship with my boyfriend who says he doesn't have enough patience to give me.
Okay, well, that's not a good to hear. Why do you think he feels the way he does?
I think part of it is his past relationship. He was together with his ex for like five years. And they ended up having a pretty toxic relationship. Towards the end of it, they were both cheating on each other. Definitely didn't have any trust. And I met him maybe like a couple months after some crazy stuff went down with him and his ex-girlfriend. And then we kind of started dating. And... Since then, when we've come up with issues, he has told me multiple times before, I'll be like, I feel like you don't have any grace to give me. And he's like, I don't.
Give me an example of a time where you were hoping for some grace.
I'm like, there's been a couple times, actually, the most recent one. This is like one problem that we've been having recently is me wanting to go to Europe. I booked a ticket. This is something that I've been planning for like a really long time, something that I really wanted to do for like my 30th birthday. And so we had talked about it. He said he was uncomfortable with me going alone because I was like, if I can't find anyone, I'm going to go alone.
Did you invite him?
I did.
Okay.
I was like, I was like, if you want to go, but like, I know it's hard for you. I was just like, I'm very like casual about things.
So like, and I think, so this is not like, I would love for you, you know, I'd love for you to go and enjoy my 30th birthday in Europe with you. You didn't say that.
I didn't say that.
No, I'm just, I'm just, I'm, I'm collecting information right now. I'm not judging.
Can I give a little more context?
Yeah, please.
He has a 10 year old son.
Okay.
So, um, and I know, which means what? can't really go to Europe for a month or even for a little bit.
How long do you want to go to Europe for?
I wanted to go for a month.
Are you able to work or this is like a eat, pray, love sabbatical?
It's PTO. I have a bunch of PTO. So I have the ability to take the month off and do that if I wanted to.
Yeah. What else? Let's table that for a second. Okay. What's another example of a time that you wanted grace that he wasn't able to give you?
Oh, my gosh. And this is going to sound so silly. I guess there's he's coaches basketball and they had their championship game coming up and it asked me if I wanted to go. And I was like, oh, I worked that day. And he was just like, oh, OK. And like, that was it. and I didn't hear much about it until I could like tell on the phone like a couple days later that like he was irritated and like finally he opened up and he was like yeah well like this is really important to me and like you're not here for me over this like I don't know to me it was a little silly because I'm like you didn't communicate like I know basketball is important to you but you didn't communicate how important it was for me to be there at your guys's championship game he's not playing it's like a
He's just coaching the game. So like, I mean, I worked, so I didn't really feel like I didn't know it was that important to him.
But it was like that important to the point where he- Just out of curiosity, would you like, whoever your man is, your life partner, if it's him, I don't know if someone else, whoever this person ends up being, are you comfortable being the one who has to articulate specifically all the things that are important to you? Or are you hoping that he, you know-
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