healing doesn’t mean forgetting them
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Is it okay to miss an ex after a breakup?
It's okay to miss her. It's okay to miss him. It's okay to miss them. It's fine. It's fine. I don't want my ex to know that it bothers me. I don't. I want to be as cool about it as possible. I want to be as nonchalant about it as possible. I don't want them to know that I'm curious. I'm just curious why. Why they decided that it was the guy that they told me not to worry about. Why them?
How do you evict someone from your mind?
I don't want them to know that. And I remember recently I was having a conversation with somebody who asked me if I could give them any kind of advice as to how to basically... Kick somebody out of your mind. Someone that's living rent free. How do you let them go? Evict them for good. Because sometimes people will overstay their welcome in our mind. And we don't want them to be there.
What happens when you don't get closure?
And you just don't want to care about it anymore. But you want to know something? You will care. You will care. You will care a lot. It's hard because everything in you, after you end up parting ways with somebody, makes you want to just boot them out the door. You don't want to look twice. It's hard to get peace after a breakup because sometimes we don't get closure. Sometimes things were said at the end of a relationship that were really hurtful and came out of nowhere, or so it seemed. They were always there. It's just they didn't have a reason to bring it up, you know? And so it's kind of a weird predicament that you find yourself in because you want to act nonchalant and be like, whatever, I don't care about them.
oh my gosh, he, you know, he wasn't even good for me anyways. You want to do that. And that's totally within your right. But the truth of the matter is like, the more I think you give in to this kind of like bashing of a, of a person, it's like, you're just showing that you are, you're letting them be there rent free. You're not really accepting the fact that you had some ties. You a hundred percent had some ties. Like We can't act like these relationships didn't mean anything to us, because they did. Even the ones that we were wronged in, it's like, of course they mattered. They mattered 100%. No matter what you want to think, no matter what you want to say, that relationship mattered. And maybe it doesn't matter in the sense of
Why do past relationships still matter?
You know, the respect that they had for you because let's say they had zero. But maybe it matters because it's going to be one of the dots that you connect looking back at your life. Where you actually learned that that was very important. That was like immensely important to you finding the person that you want to be with. But if you want my take on things, it's like you're going to care. You're going to care when somebody leaves your life. You will. It's inevitable. And you should not feel guilty about it. And you should not feel chained to the fact that, you know, it takes time. And you'll be curious. You naturally will be curious. Now, there's steps you can take to, like, actually give yourself space.
And I think that, you know, saying that you don't care about it and actually giving the other person space for your sake, they're two different things. I think one of them is more performative. When you keep telling everyone, like, yeah, you know, I don't give a frig, I don't give a sigma about that person. It's like, okay, relax. Yeah, you do. If they texted you like that hour, you'd be like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. We're going to go get coffee and catch up. Oh, my God. You know, and I'm saying that because that's me. You know, I would try to. I would try to turn a blind eye to it in hopes that they would want to reach back out and like, you know, rekindle things. It's kind of that thing when you're waiting for something to load on your phone and you think that looking away from your phone is going to make it load quicker. It's not, bro. That's not how it works. Although it low-key does work because sometimes when I look away and I look back, it's like, oh, it's a surprise. It loaded. My 15-minute slime compilation has loaded. That's great.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Is it okay to miss an ex after a breakup?
0:00–0:30
2
How do you evict someone from your mind?
0:30–0:59
3
What happens when you don't get closure?
0:59–2:57
4
Why do past relationships still matter?
2:57–8:27
5
How can you give yourself space after a breakup?
8:27–9:38
6
What role does social media play in moving on?
9:38–11:43
7
How do you cope with feelings of resentment?
11:43–12:31
8
Why is it hard to let go of past relationships?
12:31–23:43