how to make friends if you feel lonely
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Why do people feel lonely?
I used to complain about being lonely a lot. It was a very comfortable thing to talk about. Because I felt as if nobody wanted to reach out to me. Nobody wanted to put in that effort to get to know me. I found it to be especially challenging when I was in a new university. I had just moved across the country.
What challenges do we face in making new friends?
I knew not a single soul and part of me did that because I wanted a challenge and I didn't want it to be easy. I wanted to test if I knew how to actually make friends that weren't just, you know, gifted to me from birth. I had the same friends for 18 years of my life. I quickly realized that friendship is not a simple thing. And actually it takes a lot of initiation. It takes a lot of vulnerability and it takes a lot of just asking, what's the move? What's the move fam? We all want friends. We all want friends. We all want to feel like we belong to a group of people. We all feel as if we are entitled to having people that understand us, that feel for us, that are just there to support us and have a good time. But a lot of us don't have that.
A lot of us don't have that, especially when we go into adulthood. We start to lose contact with people. You know, you go from talking to your best friend from childhood every single day at school and then outside of school to maybe once a month. It is pretty odd. And distance tests friendships. It does. When I decided to make my move to go to college at UGA... I was shocked at how hard it was to actually build lasting friendships, especially from scratch. How do you do that? There are a few things I've learned. I want to share them with you. The first thing is patience. The amount of patience you have to have towards people is unreal, especially now. And, you know, initiation, asking what's the move, is one thing.
How important is patience in building friendships?
It's cool to be like, yo, we should hang out. What's the move? It's a completely other thing to actually stay patient and wait for somebody to reply to you and to tell you, yo, I'm free. Yo, I'm good. I learned to have a lot of patience and that people were a little bit more closed off than I thought that they were going to be. In general, I learned that you have to be persistent too. You low-key need to be annoying. I'm just being so honest. Some of the best friendships are actually not the ones that you are creating. It's the one that will be the result of the one that you created. Breaking into a new place, into a scene, whatever it be, your job, your university. At first, it's very hard. It's very daunting. But it becomes easier. It does.
And maybe you have to ask yourself, like, what's your move? What's the move for you? Because maybe you actually need to take a step back and readjust where your energy is going. Like, maybe you're trying to make friends with the wrong people and they're just not interested in you. And one thing I've also found is, you know, you can be cordial and kind to a lot of people, but you know what? If somebody does not want to be in your life, you cannot force them being in your life. No matter how cool they are, no matter how many doors they open, if y'all don't vibe, it's just not meant to be. And I hear a lot of stuff about, no, no, you just have to be uber persistent. You have to be uber, you know, I'm going to reach out to them and I'm going to tell them happy birthday all the time.
What should you do if someone doesn't reciprocate friendship?
But if somebody is not willing to reciprocate that energy, I'm sorry, it's doomed from the get go. No Geico get go. It's doomed from the get go. It's just not going to happen. There were a lot of people in my life I wanted to be friends with so badly. They had something I wanted. They were in a position of power. They seemed super, super chill. But they didn't give a sigma about me. They didn't care. They didn't want to have a relationship with me. And I wasted a lot of energy and time trying to get their approval. What's the move? In that instance, it's not trying to gain the approval of these people. It's finding people that are interested in me. That are cool. That want to hang out with me. And being persistent and consistent with hanging out with them.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why do people feel lonely?
0:00–0:20
2
What challenges do we face in making new friends?
0:20–2:21
3
How important is patience in building friendships?
2:21–4:07
4
What should you do if someone doesn't reciprocate friendship?
4:07–9:21
5
How can you attract the right friends?
9:21–13:41
6
What does it mean to be a 'beacon' in friendships?
13:41–19:15
7
How can hobbies help in making friends?
19:15–22:05
8
What are the qualities of genuine friendships?
22:05–26:16