stop trying to save them
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Why did my friend call me out of the blue?
It's early 2020 and I just get a call from one of my best friends from across the country. I look at my phone. Wow, he hasn't called me in a minute. This is a little bit out of his character. I decide to pick up. Yo, bro. What's up, man? Yo, bro. My girlfriend just broke up with me. Oh, hell no. Oh, hell no.
What advice did I give my friend after his breakup?
Let's just say him and his girlfriend were pretty serious. But his girlfriend, I didn't like her. I tried to show him. I told him, dude, this girl, bad business. Red flag on red flag on red flag. He's like, yeah, bro, I know. And I want to change. I want to be a better man. And I was like, all right, bro, you came to the right place. Zerky's going to get you right. First things first, gym arc. Second thing, start listening to Deftones. Come on, it's the male experience. Third ting, creatine, in the veins, get those muscles pumping. He's like, you're right, you're right. And then I said, self-improvement all day. I mean, that's what, you know, 19-year-old Zerky thought was the best advice for bro.
And we get off the phone, I feel really good, I feel like my homie is really gonna figure out who he is, and he's gonna have some time to be alone and really think. But then I realize something very quickly when I get another couple weeks later. And I say, what up man, you been doing the things I've been telling you to do? Um, no man, no. Well what have you been doing? Well, I'm back with my girlfriend.
Did my friend take my advice for self-improvement?
Yeah, you know, I thought about it and I just decided to go, you know, go back with her. Bro, we had just talked about this. You told me that you didn't want to be in this relationship, that it was done, you felt sad, you felt betrayed, and you're back? We're so back? In this context? Are you kidding me? He's like, yeah, it is what it is, yeah, I mean. So I learned a valuable lesson that day. And that lesson is one that I've carried on to every single friendship, every single relationship I've had since. It's a tough one. They don't want to be saved. They don't want to be saved. You will have people in your life that come to you for advice when really all they want is for you to listen to another Yap Sesh, which you already do on The Zerky Show.
Think about that. Which Yap Sesh is better? Maybe theirs, to be fair. Maybe theirs is gonna be way more entertaining. Who knows? But a lot of people that look for advice and a lot of people that look for help, they aren't going to take it. They're not. It's only when they decide that they want to change that they change. They will go around and be like, I don't know. I don't know what to do.
What was the lesson I learned about saving others?
And you'll be like, dude, you just, you got to get out of credit card debt. Like that's probably one of the biggest problems. I know, but then I can't, I can't go to the movies. Okay, well, I don't. but my girlfriend, my girlfriend. Bro, your girlfriend cheated on you four times. I'm sorry, but like maybe it's not the best fit. Maybe y'all are just not meant to be. I love her. Okay, well, this is, it is what it is. And then weeks later, it's the same thing. It's the same conversation. It's the same, oh, well, I don't know. I'm in this relationship I don't wanna be in.
Why do people resist advice even when they ask for it?
Okay, end the relationship. Oh, that's actually, that's not a bad idea. Couple weeks later, same thing, same thing. If you're a real friend, you will recognize when it's time to let someone go. It's the hardest thing because you should want to be there for your friend. You should want to be there for your bro or for your broette. And I'm not telling you not to be there for them. But sometimes... They just got to figure it out on their own. Real talk, they just got to figure it out on their own. The conversations and the endless counseling is good and sometimes people need that. But a lot of people, they just won't change. They'll complain and complain and complain and they won't change. And you being a good person, you want to help them.
But don't get upset at them if they just don't change. Because it's up to them. It's up to you. If you have a problem and you have people telling you, hey, you should think about this or think about that. At the end of the day, it's on you to make the change. You can't change for somebody. I wish you could, but it's not how it works. After that conversation, I realized I had to do the hard thing.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
Why did my friend call me out of the blue?
0:00–0:28
2
What advice did I give my friend after his breakup?
0:28–1:54
3
Did my friend take my advice for self-improvement?
1:54–3:28
4
What was the lesson I learned about saving others?
3:28–4:09
5
Why do people resist advice even when they ask for it?
4:09–9:07