they weren’t the one, but someone is
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Why do people fear getting hurt in relationships?
I was afraid of being hurt again. I didn't want to be hurt again. Who wants to be hurt? Maybe some of you like that, but I don't like it. I'm sorry they didn't see your worth. I'm sorry that they were an idiot. I'm sorry that they didn't understand how good they had it and instead they threw it down the drain. I'm sorry that you felt emotions towards this person that you haven't felt towards anybody else. But what they did in return is they said, well, I don't really care. They disrespected you. They made you feel a type of way because, listen, I'm sorry because I've been there. I've been there. I've been on the receiving end of that. I've been the person doing that. And we all have. I remember I used to have a lot of anger, a lot of resentment towards dating, towards people who I thought I was meant to be with. And it was because of a relationship I had in the past that created this resentment, that created this like lens to which I viewed the world. And I kind of want to address it. Because the truth is a lot of us have given up. We've given up on dating.
How does past trauma affect future relationships?
We've given up on trying to find somebody because it feels literally impossible. It feels crazy. People feel crazy. But I think the reason that we feel this way is because we are harboring a lot of emotions from past relationships that in hindsight were bad. And we knew that they were bad. But we did them anyways because why not? Because you got to go. You got to do it. I want you to remember going forward that they were a bad apple. The person who did you dirty, the person who manipulated you, who you can come up with a list of things that they did, they were just bad. Let's admit it. They were not good. And you look back and you're like, how did I even allow this? And you did because we're human.
And I don't want to go on a date with somebody who's giving me attention. That sounds awesome. Even if they're kind of controlling and it's a little bit weird. But hey, I'm going to let that slide. We're having a great time. Woohoo! They were a bad apple. They were a person who was not good. Not good for you. And maybe that person is what's holding you back now. Maybe you've created this illusion. This projector. that because one person treated you this way, your frame of reference is telling you that every person going forward will treat you that way. Maybe you have taken your feelings of resentment and disrespect and anger and you've projected them onto a whole group of people. All girls are the same. rest in peace, juice world.
What does it mean when someone is a 'bad apple'?
But like, maybe you have taken your insecurity of wanting to not be hurt again and to defend yourself. You have started to not trust good things, good people, and you've mixed it up. And I think that this is happening because I went through this. I went through this. I had some really rough relationships and in return, well, because that relationship was with this person, that means these kind of people are all bad. Every single one of them. And I did that because I was trying to protect myself. I was afraid of being hurt again. I didn't want to be hurt again. Who wants to be hurt? Maybe some of you like that. But I don't like it. I would rather spend that time enjoying myself with the other person. Watching Squid Game, season two. You know, but like... Who would want to be hurt? Being hurt sucks. It sucks. Everything about it sucks. The fact that you give them so much of you, you open yourself up, and they just disregard it. And for some of us, we thought we were one of a few, but it turned out we were one of many.
And the way that they treated us, they were just a bad apple. They were a bad apple. And it doesn't mean that everyone is going to do that. But it's hard to believe that because if you've been hurt time and time again, if you feel like, dude, every person I'm with, every hinge date I go on, it's just the same thing. Yeah. Valid. But these experiences that we have with people, they're not a end-all be-all. It is really detrimental to yourself if you label everyone as the same. If you tell yourself that all a potential partner is going to do is they're going to want to screw me over. They're going to want to take everything I have. They're going to want to manipulate me. Just smacked me in the face. They were a bad apple.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
Why do people fear getting hurt in relationships?
0:00–1:36
2
How does past trauma affect future relationships?
1:36–3:36
3
What does it mean when someone is a 'bad apple'?
3:36–6:47
4
How can we identify red flags in relationships?
6:47–8:34
5
What should we learn from our past relationships?
8:34–15:44