why losing control scares you so much
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Why is losing control so scary?
You can't control everything in your life, and I don't think you should. I don't think you should. I have had the most peace in my life when I have let go of everything that I cannot control, and I have allowed myself to do these two things. Just be. What? Just be? How can you just be? There are a lot of things in this life to do. There are credit cards to apply for. There are crushes to get ghosted by. There are accolades, things that we look for. We want to get recognized for the hard work we do. We want to feel like our life has some kind of importance to it. But oftentimes we let go of the most simple thing existing. Because we want control. We want control. That's really what it is. For me, a big thing was I wanted to control the perception of others.
I wanted to seem like I had everything figured out. I wanted to seem like I was perfect. And I am not. I am not perfect. I am flawed. I get angry. I recently had a crash out where I dropped a pan on the floor in my house and I kicked the pan into the oven and I shattered the pan and I felt embarrassed and I felt like a loser and I felt like I was a man child. But I also recognize that that was a moment and that moment doesn't really define me as a human being for the rest of my life. I'm just going to be. I'm just going to exist. And I'm going to take that moment with a grain of salt. Now, was I pissed off, you know, having to buy a new pan at the grocery store and like awkwardly telling my roommates what happened to the old pan because they liked the old pan? Yes. Yes, it was really embarrassing. But that in itself taught me a lesson that maybe visibly showing my anger and transferring my anger from the foot of mine to the pan was not a constructive way of using my anger.
What does it mean to just be?
Maybe it could have been better to actually take that moment and be like, why was I really mad? I was really mad because I was cleaning the house and people weren't helping me clean the house and I should have asked for help and I didn't. I did not. So did I even have the right to be mad? I mean, you know, it was cool to be mad, but honestly, it was pretty, it was pretty avoidable. I've learned that there is something special about existing and obviously we cannot just exist all of the time, right? What I mean by that is like you cannot just be present all the time. No, there are seasons of your life where you are going to need to focus. There are seasons of your life where you are going to need to lock in. and study for something, try to obtain a financial goal.
How can we manage our anger constructively?
Maybe you're stressing about money this month and you have to sign up for DoorDash or something to make some extra bread. Yes, these are things you will deal with. But I think that we do not give ourselves the break and the grace to just be, bro. To just be. To just kick it with ourselves. To take a break. To relax. I was in the Uber today talking to a guy who designed clothes for a living. It was super cool, super insightful. And one thing he mentioned was that he was reading the artist's way. I haven't read this book, but there's something about doing a artist date in the artist's way, which is like you take yourself out on a date. You go to some kind of museum, you go see a movie, you go listen to an album while you bike around your neighborhood, something like that.
And it's it's funny because I can't tell you the last time I really took like an artist's date for myself. I really enjoy films. I really enjoy movies. Actually, OK, I did take a break recently and I was about to rot at night after having like a long day of work. And I decided, you know what, I'm going to watch a movie that I've wanted to watch forever. Akira. Which is insane. Okay? I don't know if you've seen Akira, but you think that movie is about bikes? Spoiler, the bikes are in the first half an hour to an hour of the movie. The rest of the movie is just... I'm not even going to spoil it. You should watch Akira. It's crazy. And I've heard that's like the tip of the iceberg when it comes to anime movies or just anime in general. Like, what is going on, dude?
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
Why is losing control so scary?
0:00–2:28
2
What does it mean to just be?
2:28–3:20
3
How can we manage our anger constructively?
3:20–8:39
4
What role does culture play in our perceptions of work and existence?
8:39–20:18
5
How can we process trauma and its effects on our lives?
20:18–24:34
6
What is the importance of seeking help?
24:34–31:57