you need to stop hating yourself
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Is being hard on yourself a good thing?
isn't being hard on yourself a good thing isn't that what we've been taught to think is what builds champions and people who do incredible things it seems like everyone all the time is telling you you're not good enough you need to do more you look at somebody online they're doing way more than you are but i'm tired bro i'm tired All the time. This standard. I'm not good enough.
Are you being fair to yourself?
I'm not doing enough. I need to be this kind of man. I need to be this kind of provider. This kind of individual. I need to be the kid that is doing better than his peers. Why? Why? Are you being fair? Are you being fair to yourself? Because I'm not. I'm not. I'm very hard on myself. Honestly, it's very hard for me to find things that I like about myself. And that is after years of acknowledging that, yes, I am hard on myself and figuring out that, you know what, I need to take a step back and really realize that I'm doing enough. I'm doing enough. And honestly, I am not going to be perfect. And honestly, I am going to have days where I think I am a bad friend. I'm a bad collaborator. I'm behind schedule.
I will have days where I know that I could have done better, but I chose not to. I will have days that I'm not good. But that is because I'm human. And it's a weird pill to swallow, especially when, you know, we've grown up with this standard of perfection and that's what's infected all of our minds. We can't even exist normally because somebody out there is doing better than you. But that's not being fair. Because we all start at a different point in our lives. We all start with different resources. We all start with a different idea of what life should look like. And for us to compare ourselves to each other, it's kind of foolish. Now, don't get me wrong. You know, there's also a mentality that people have, which is like, you shouldn't have any expectations.
How can we define standards without being harsh?
You shouldn't have any kind of standard. And hold on, like, it's good to have standards, right? It's good to have a certain idea of the person that you want to be. But it's bad to just put it in this chokehold that that is the only thing. That is the only thing. I cannot accept that I've had a good day unless I've hit every single part of my routine. And guess what? When I put that standard on myself, I hit none of it. I do none of it. I'm not being fair. And that expectation trickles onto other people. You start to put this kind of pressure on other people and you think that that's okay. And it's not. It's not because it's not fair. We've done that now with dating.
Why do we compare ourselves to others?
A lot of us have super high standards and it's like half the things we don't even do ourselves. We just demand it from other people because we think we can demand it from other people when in reality, when you point your finger, you got three pointing right back at you. Shout out Terry. Terry taught me that one. A homie from the gym. It's not fair. It's not fair.
What does it mean to be human in our struggles?
And I think in times where I'm the most frustrated, that's when I'm honestly the least fair to myself. And I don't like it. I don't like it. And recently I had something happen in my life where I got... really upset with myself because I wasn't thinking 20 steps ahead you know I felt like I was like I was really letting myself down and I was doing something reckless you know there's also times where you know I feel like I'm resting too much and I should be working harder but it's like dude that's not fair It's not fair. I know, I know. It seems super cool to be on the grind 24-7. And there is a certain image that comes with that, that you're hardworking. But you aren't. For a lot of us, that's not really being hardworking. We're working a lot, but that doesn't mean that we're working hard or that we're being efficient with our time. Because those are not the same thing. You can work a lot and do nothing. A lot of people do that. Or you can be selective about how you work.
My problem is that I am not fair to myself and I feel like I need to keep up a certain image to other people when in reality I can make mistakes and I can be human and I can do something that's questionable. Sometimes you're going to do that.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
Is being hard on yourself a good thing?
0:00–0:25
2
Are you being fair to yourself?
0:25–2:20
3
How can we define standards without being harsh?
2:20–3:03
4
Why do we compare ourselves to others?
3:03–3:35
5
What does it mean to be human in our struggles?
3:35–13:13
6
How do we communicate our feelings effectively?
13:13–19:24
7
Why is trust important in relationships?
19:24–27:57