Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.
well hello and welcome to watch what happens i'm ronnie that is ben hello banuni how you doing there hi how are you good everybody welcome to real housewives of rudylandia um if you want this on video or you want bonus episodes this week we'll be top chef or if you want ad free listening or a discord server access
which is a fun place to go talk, or a free weekly newsletter slash blog recap thing, go over to patreon.com slash watch what crappens. And today is Real Housewives of Rhode Island season one, episode three, Saturday Night Fever Dream. Mmm. It is our second Studio 54 party in a week on Bravo. They're really leaning into that Studio 54 time.
What was the other one?
Rachel Zoe's party on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Oh, right.
You're right. You're right. Well, here we are in episode three, and we finally got our taglines. Actually, we had our taglines for Atlanta, it just occurred to me. We forgot to even say what they were. Okay, well, next week on Atlanta, we'll give you guys the taglines. This week, here are the Rhode Island taglines.
We start with Kelsey, who says, "'Who needs a sugar daddy when my life is this sweet?' Like your life is that sweet because of your sugar daddy. I hate to break it to you. So you have a sugar daddy and that is why your life is sweet.
Yes. Yes. And you're also cheating on the sugar daddy blatantly on TV, which is ballsy.
I got to say, I have to say like, I love the ballsiness to basically be hatching a murder plot on TV. Like these guys are going to, plan to commit murder and like get the guy's money. Right.
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Chapter 2: What happens at the Bravo Studio 54 party in Rhode Island?
God, ever since they changed the seating on Southwest Airlines.
Just can't. Well, unfortunately, we can't take our gun through security anymore. So it's been real hard.
So Rula's like, I have a blessed life and I'm a loyal wife. Yeah, but your husband's not loyal. What are you? Do you talk about being a lawyer? You're a sucker. OK, that's what you need to say. But I, I, my lips pucker and I'm a sucker. You know, your husband is cheating on you. He doesn't even deny it right now. Leave that man. What is wrong? What is going on over there?
Do I need to go pick you up? I will.
I Lebanese sister. I will. I know. I was so excited for you that they had that whole scene of Lebanese women getting together, especially that one lady. Oh, I love her. We need to see more of her. Then we have Alicia who says, why? Why settle for just a slice when you can have the whole damn pie?
A pie slice.
Why have a slice of a pie? I was sort of hoping she'd say something about a cracker. Why not get a cracker? Yeah. You know, that's the way the cookie crumbles.
That's why I also have a cracker.
Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I like hers because I feel that way. And that's how I eat pizza. I eat the whole thing. I agree. I just did it the other day. It was painful. I was with you. I shouldn't be able to eat that much pizza because I'm on a GLP-1, but I did.
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Chapter 3: What are the taglines for the Real Housewives of Rhode Island?
I somehow did it. We had a lot of pizza together the other night. Yeah.
it was great oh i did after that as well because i got additional yeah like i'm a food addict so it's like heroin addicts you know like you have a taste and then you're like i'm back i'm back so i had that pizza and it was like ever since then i've been eating pizza and chocolate reasons of all things oh i love a chocolate reason so anyway yeah that's a little personal but that's where i'm at so um alicia yeah okay we did her so ashley's like talk about tmi chocolate reasons whoo
You crossed the line.
Binging. I'm basically binging. I'm going down a dark path is what I'm saying. And Ashley is like, my life is like a rom-com.
When I'm not crying, I'm laughing. Rom-coms are dead.
Rom-coms are dead. Just want to let you know that. Rom-coms are dead, Ashley. And we have Rosie goes, I used to report the news, but now I'm the headline.
Well, this must be a slow news day. Seriously. What news is that? You're not even the headline on this show. Are you talking about the old basketball player?
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Chapter 4: How do the Housewives react to the cheating husband?
What's the headline?
I used to have a local lifestyle show on Saturday afternoons on the Rhode Island television station. But now I'm the headline on said station on Saturday news reports.
I'm going to show well and it's like, I'm not trying to be mean. I just mean what I say. And finally, Liz.
In the ocean state, I dispense the weed and the truth.
All right. My favorite, let's see. I think Ashley's maybe my, not Ashley's, not Ashley's, Alicia's. I think Alicia's my favorite. Why settle for a slice when you can have the whole pie?
yeah that's a good way to live life so rosie and rich are washing the pink jeep outside and uh what what's with people on bravo washing their own cars the past few weeks it's been erica jane joe from southern hospitality uh now this person why am i subjected to people washing their own cars these are supposed to be shows about rich people minus southern hospitality yeah well you know this economy even the rich people have to wash their own cars
I guess. So they're washing it. And then Joe Ellen and Gary are drinking wine by their pool. And she's still pissed that Brian sent an email to her work trying to get her fired from the esthetician machine rental store, whatever she does. Yes. And then they tried to get me to not deliver a laser laser. oh, they've got another thing coming.
And then we see Liz and Jerry, they're biking through Roger Williams Park, and we got GoPros going, and Jerry's like, nice butt, babe. Baby's got a little back there, okay? Too early to go skinny dipping. Come on, Jerry. And then we go back to Ashley and Jared and they go to, they, Ashley is visiting Rosie and Rich. And so they're saying hello and everything. And Rosie's like, my God, our house.
I mean, here was the plan. I was like, I'm selling my condo and I'm going to like sell Mike. And he was like, I'm going to sell one of my condos. And we're like, okay, let's buy a house. And then so Rich finds like a one bed, one bath over a three car garage. And he's like, I'm good. By the way, why do you know? Why do you have a three-car garage with one bed, one bath above it?
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Chapter 5: How does Liz handle rumors about her friendship?
It's too late. Seriously. He's Captain Ahab out there. He's like, I will find that whale. I will find that whale. Like, you know, we've been through the shit, but I love Dino. You know, he's been on our lives for 20 years. When Jerry was going to be gone, it wasn't uncommon for him to actually call Dino and say, look after our vagina.
So, you know, we would be out three or four times a week sometimes. I'm sure people spotted us at clubs. You know, sometimes just the two of us.
Ah! I mean, I know it looks cool, sexy story and everything, but look at me and look at Dino. You say sexy, sexy, sexy, right? But really, at the end of the day, you get spray tans for spray tans, okay? So let's move on from it. There's so many other amazing things happening and coming up in our lives. I mean, the Studio 54 party, Jerry.
He's like, yeah. Jerry's turning 54.
He loves music. He loves to dress up. He loves to dance. 54 at Studio 54.
So we see a flashback and Liz invites everyone.
Gotta come to the Studio 54 party, girls.
So now we're back to this pond and he's like, you're beautiful, babe. I'll give you that. I am one lucky man. It's like, yeah, thank you. Probably should have worn a bra today, huh?
So now we go back to Rosie's and they're talking about their outfits.
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Chapter 6: What drama unfolds when the Housewives gather at the party?
For inquiries.
He must have. He must have. Because those emails are going to go to the marketing team, right? Contact at penisbotox.com, whatever it is.
Yeah, like hello at scrotox.com.
Hello at crowsfootbegone.com.
Yeah. So the email said, I would like to file a complaint about me. And then he reached out to another colleague at my company who then reached out to HR who got back to me through my boss because HR can't tell me.
What?
Wait, he then reached out to HR. First of all, what a rat. Who the fuck is this guy? And when are you going to roast his balls? And then HR got back to her through her boss because HR can't tell me. So HR called her boss and then her boss told her? What do you mean HR can't tell you? Yeah.
What? Did they run out of their resources?
What is going on in Rhode Island? Here's something I have to say about this show. I think this show's... funny and unique in a way, but I don't know what the fuck anybody's talking about on this show. Like, I don't understand the logistics of it. I don't understand like how you have a boyfriend that your husband hangs out with, but you're not really dating. We are clearly fucking that guy.
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Chapter 7: What are the implications of Joellen's accusations?
And I was like, that's exactly right.
That is how it feels. It feels like they're just made up kind of characters that the plots are just so bizarre. Like I can't really relate to anything. I guess it's okay. I'm still entertained. But what the fuck is she talking about? She went to a colleague at the company, reached out to HR, but HR couldn't get back to her. So they reached the boss, but the boss could.
Maybe HR is just, maybe it's not human resources. That's just what they call some of the company whose name is Harriet Rinaldi. I told Harriet Rinaldi, you know, HR. But she couldn't tell me anything about it because she's in accounting. She's not allowed to talk to me. I mean, it doesn't make nothing, truly nothing.
Also, this is, I think, the first time HR has ever been referenced on Real Housewives in terms of people having jobs. Like, has anyone ever had a job on the show that actually required, that had an issue with HR? Like, you know, you've got Sonya Morgan selling toasters. She's not dealing with HR. Countess Luanne has nothing even close to an HR doing whatever things she's doing.
You know, like, I'm sure that Heather Gay does not have HR at Beauty Lab and Laser. So it's just funny, even the idea of HR broaching the Real Housewives.
Yeah. Weird, weird show. So she's like, I don't appreciate her or her husband trying to fuck with my family. And we have three kids. So that is so below the belt. I know, but you sitting here talking about the husband fucking other people isn't great for their family either.
Yeah, that's true too. Even if it is true what you're saying, you're saying it over and over and over again. Maybe I'll beat him up. Maybe I'll throw him off the dock. Do it, babe. I'll be so excited if you do that. I'll fuck you for this. I'll fucking throw him off the dock.
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Chapter 8: How does Rula cope with the tension at the party?
One man off the dock, one woman on your dick. That's what I say.
So now we go to Kelsey, who is at a coffee shop that's not... What's the other coffee shop name? Audrey's. It's not Audrey's. This is Bomb Cafe. Biddy biddy bomb bomb.
Somehow I feel like Jared is still there.
It's like, Juliana Oatmeal Coffee for Red is Red and Juliana. Nope. Okay.
He just interrupts. He's like, I have to always be preparing coffee.
Always. So she's meeting her boyfriend, Bill. And yeah, last week she was like, well, I mean, I'm just so lonely in this big house all alone. And now we find out that she's got a boyfriend named Bill. So he comes in. He's kind of cute. Yeah, he's cute. And that, you know, kind of like construction worker. Yeah, just like boring straight guy kind of a way. It's kind of hot. He was like a stripper.
Yeah. Oh, especially later at the Studio 54 party, which rawr. So she's like, ladies and gents, this is Bill with my boyfriend. Like, we've always had this don't ask, don't tell relationship. But, like, I know that he's not being loyal to me. So if you can do it, why can't I do it? I'll tell you why you can't. Because he is paying for your lifestyle. So it's not that it's not fair.
Of course, if he's fucking other people, you should be able to fuck other people, too. Bringing them on national TV, I don't know, is the wisest move. It's like rubbing it in his face when he's paying for you to live in a 60,000 square foot house. It's just not the same. Like, you're hired. You know what I mean? It's like the cleaning lady coming in and being like, I'm cleaning all day.
Why aren't you cleaning? You're literally hired to clean.
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