Alain De Botton

I don't really need to see you.

And in fact, this weekend, I'm going to be with my friends and your thighs are looking a bit fat.

In other words, you suddenly turn mean when really what you wanted to say is, I really need you, but I'm scared that you don't need me.

And this can happen in people who've got a mortgage together.

This is not people on a first date.

The heroine of my novel is a classic person who

psychologist called avoidant.

An avoidant person, when emotion gets too difficult, they just go cold.

They go and read a book and they say, I don't need you.

When they need you a lot, they actually paradoxically start saying, I don't need you.

And these people are... Well, it's normally about 50% of the population.

Those people are really hard to read because on the surface, they're telling you something like, I'm a bit busy this weekend.

I don't want to see you.

But the real meaning of that is, I'm worried you don't want me.

And so...

And love needs, in order to succeed, the imagination and tolerance of Tolstoy or Jesus because that's really what it takes to love someone.

You need to go behind the often rather repulsive surface behavior.

You need to go around that to see the kind of frightened, wounded person.

you know but basically often quite nice person that's behind the surface and i think that's what that's what fiction at its best does you know when you go with dostoevsky and he introduces you to a you know a murderer or prostitute or whatever but then says look you know there's more to it than this and goes you goes around the back and you you know you start to feel sympathy that is the work of love you know we're trying to define what love was for me that is what love is love is an attempt

Sorry, I'm going on a million tangents.