Cam Fraser

speaker

418 appearances 8 recordings 1 series first heard Jun 2021 last heard Aug 2022

Cam Fraser’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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The Hook Up · Am I good in bed? · 27 Sep 2021 podcast

And so they bring that mentality into the bedroom as well. matched

And so if matched

sex is in you know to be successful it's got to have an ejaculation or it's got to have an orgasm or it's got to have penetration it's going to have all these things uh and if they don't have those then they feel like they've uh they feel like it's been unsuccessful or it's been a failure or they feel like they've wasted time and we can't waste any time because time is money so uh there's this uh really you know strong performance mindset that i think is playing into this as well matched

and then when it gets to um you know the sexual experience itself you've you know the key to it the key to a good jam session is you've got to know your own instrument you've kind of got to know what it is that you're playing and um and it kind of helps to have a little bit of a understanding of your partner's instrument as well but if you don't if matched

you if you're not practicing right and i think someone else said this before practice makes perfect if you're not practicing your own instrument if you're not learning about all the different ways to play it then um you're not gonna be able to bring that to a jam session with your partner or a sexual experience with your partner and vice versa you hope they're doing the same thing as well so having this kind of robust understanding of your own body and your own instrument so to speak uh is like for me at least one way of understanding then okay this is probably going to be a pretty good experience um because i'm getting this vibe this person knows what they're talking about knows what they're doing as well matched

this happens in in all kind of areas of our life I suppose maybe we get along well with someone in a certain context but then if we're in a different context with that person things kind of don't really mesh so I don't think it's unique to to sexuality and to eroticism but it can be can be things like you know we've just got different preferences in the bedroom or we've got you know things that just are off the table for us that our partner really wants to do and and so we we got to matched

have some, I guess, like leeway in terms of, OK, maybe this partner is meeting my needs in these other regards, but just doesn't meet my needs sexually. matched

And what can we do to navigate that space with one another? matched

One of the things that I encourage people to do is have conversations about sex in non-sexual situations. matched

So if you're able to like normalize having a conversation about what it is that turns you on and what your fantasies and desires are, as well as what your boundaries are and what your limitations might be, matched

in kind of like low stakes situations, like when you're going for a walk or having a cup of tea or just eating lunch together, then you're kind of fostering this atmosphere or environment or container for you and your partner to be open and communicative and curious about sex and pleasure and desires and boundaries and matched

And so that can lend itself really nicely to when things are kind of hot and heavy. matched

And then when you are in the moment, keeping things as positively and pleasurably minded as possible. matched

And a simple kind of strategy for this is like instead of saying, oh, this is really terrible. matched

I don't like this. matched

Can you stop doing that? matched

which can often be quite hard to hear for someone. matched

If you can, again, you know, being mindful of language, try and reframe that to say, hey, actually, can we try this actually really like this? matched

This is what I find really pleasurable. matched

Can we do this instead? matched

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