Dr. Caroline Fleck
speaker
364 appearances
2 recordings
2 series
first heard May 2025
last heard May 2025
Dr. Caroline Fleck’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
Trend
recordings per month · last 12 monthsNo recordings in the last 12 months.Older appearances are listed below; set an alert to hear about the next one.
Appearances
Proposing is when, you know, I was playing that little game in my head earlier where I'm trying to figure out like, you know, what are you thinking? Why does this matter to you? I don't actually communicate any of that. This is all just in my head to keep me engaged. But if I come up with some stuff, I can throw it out there and see what sticks. I can propose something you haven't said. All right.
It's also known as like mind reading.
You know, a great example was actually an interview with Oprah and Meghan Markle. And Meghan Markle is describing this life of being in front of the paparazzi and feeling like she couldn't be her true self. And then she's obviously kind of pained and shamed about having not stood up for herself. And she looks at Oprah and she says, I just, I was silent throughout this experience.
I just, I was just silent. And then Oprah being Oprah says, were you silent or were you silenced? Oprah effect. Right? That's proposing. That's articulating something the person hasn't said. And if you're really good, if you really nail it, perhaps you facilitate an insight that they didn't even have.
So this is such a critical point. I'm glad you dialed in on that because I can't emphasize enough. These are skills. All right. And to develop any skill, you've got to strike out. Right. Usually you if it's a skill for like a sport or something, you're getting coaching on the side. As therapists, I'm getting a lot of coaching on the side.
And you're just taking that feedback in to sharpen those skills. But with this stuff, we tend to really internalize the feedback. And get shut down or feel rejected or like, oh God, I'm just going to make things worse. And that is a mistake. You have to look at these things as skills that you develop. And you're right. You strike out, you get some feedback.
Oprah strikes out all the freaking time. It's amazing. Like go watch these and she's throw things out. And it's just like, no, I wasn't scared. I was humiliated, you know? And she's like humiliated. She goes back down the ladder, copying humiliated. Hmm. What was humiliating about it? Attending. She gets more information. She gets more than she tries again. It doesn't stick.
She drops down that ladder, starts back with just being mindful and then tries again.
You're trying to show that you understand. That's right.
Yeah. Great example.
Now, here's the thing, though. In a perfect example, what most people do in that first scenario, when they said, oh, you must have been so excited, and the person goes, actually, no. I struggled with postpartum depression. They go... Really? Oh, next topic.
And they don't, they might, they just don't ever try again to show understanding. They've like, they're like, okay, I don't get it. I don't want to make things worse. And that is the biggest mistake. You've got to stay in the game. Just take it as feedback. Clearly you weren't paying close enough attention. So go back to those two skills, keep working them.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
And so this is like, you know, I talk about each of these skills individually, but the real skill is being able to kind of like move between these things.
And know when to, how to correct, course correct.
Right. Or at the worst, we're invalidating them.
Right.
So at the top, you've got these empathy skills and they communicate mindfulness, understanding and empathy in one fell swoop. This is powerful stuff. It's also at like the top of this, if you visualize a ladder. So you can imagine when you fall down from a high position, it hurts. Yes. So if you strike out with these, it can be a little ugly. All right.
And, you know, there's, they're not all super intense. Some of the most basic ones are just like emoting, like expressing your genuine emotion. Okay. But I'm trying to think of, I almost need to like show you what it looks like.
Showing 81–100 of 364 · page 5 of 19
← Previous
Next →