Dr. John Gottman
speaker
531 appearances
7 recordings
7 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard 3 Jul
Dr. John Gottman’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 5 in all, peaking in Jun 2026 with 2.
Appearances
I get out my notebook very slowly so I can delay my reaction.
I get out my pen very slowly.
And I open the book up very slowly.
And then I say, okay, baby, talk to me.
what's on your mind, what's on your heart.
And I write down what she's saying.
And the more defensive I feel, the more I take notes and slower down.
Because I think the one thing we've discovered is that the masters of relationships, the ones who are happy and stay together, really seem to have a model that
When your partner's upset about anything, the world stops and you listen.
And this is my way of listening, taking notes and doing it very slowly so I can calm down and not react quickly by saying something of regret later on.
Yeah, delay is the way of engaging the frontal lobes instead of reacting direct from your amygdala, you know, which is terror, right?
And defensiveness comes out.
So when you engage the brain, the thinking brain, then you can be a little less defensive.
What do you do?
Yeah, so Julie and I, after we first met, you know, we designed this apartment where 130 newlywed couples, just a couple of months after the wedding, would spend 24 hours.
Cameras rolling, no instructions.
You know, they have...
an opportunity to eat together, clean up together, read the newspaper, watch TV, whatever they want to do.
And the cameras are just rolling.
And while they're walking around, we're measuring their heart rate.
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