Lisa Bilyeu

I'm being told time and time again, oh my God, you're such an amazing wife.

I can't believe

how much you take care of Tom.

I got that from Tom.

I got that from my mom.

And if it doesn't, then A, I go, cool, how do I make sure I now no longer get my validation from this identity that doesn't serve me?

I got that from my dad.

I got it from everybody that every couple that met, they would turn to Tom and be like, oh my God, you're so lucky.

Your wife takes care of everything.

What a great wife.

That becomes a skill set.

What do I need to do?

So I started to identify with being a great wife.

Okay, if I'm feeling great about people saying that I'm a great stay-at-home wife, what can I do that's solely based on me and my own ability to validate myself?

But I didn't want to be a stay-at-home wife.

And so here I am tying my validation to my identity.

all right, well, I really like working out.

And the identity wasn't even something that I wanted.

I really want to do 50 push-ups.

So you can see how your identity can actually trap you.