Lisa Bilyeu
speaker
1,143 appearances
6 recordings
5 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard 20 Dec
Lisa Bilyeu’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 2 in all, peaking in Dec 2025 with 1.
Appearances
YouTube it right now.
Oh my God.
Or now it's related to how much the man earns.
The other day I said something to Tom about menopause and I was like, I just need this because I'm perimenopause, babe. And he turns around to me and he's like, I will absolutely support you. But he's like, look, you have a group of girlfriends that are going through the same thing.
He's like, so no matter how much I try to see you, he's like, I just I cannot see it through your eyes because I'm not a woman. I don't know what it's like to be going through this at your age. So he's like, I'm doing the research, I'm reading the books, but... If there is something that I just cannot grasp, by all means, turn to your friends for it.
Now, the thing also, though, is that a lot of women do is almost the opposite. So this is what my partner wants. This is what they love. So let me sacrifice. In the small things, it isn't a big deal. So it's like, all right, fine. I'll go watch soccer with him, even if I don't like soccer. That's one thing.
But the big ones that actually end up wrecking a lot of women is they've sacrificed their entire lives. They've sacrificed the career for the family, whether it's kids or the husband. And as we get older, we start to realize, hang on a minute, what about me? And that maybe compromise that we felt good with now actually we realize was a sacrifice that will never get back.
How do you differentiate compromise and sacrifice? And where's that fine line between one's actually really healthy and one's like the thing that will break your relationship?
And they're responsive, I never asked you to. You can kind of understand why they would say that as a protective mechanism, because it feels right now, oh my God, is it all my fault that your life hasn't been what you hoped it would be? Well, that's a big burden for a partner to take on. So to protect yourself, you make it was, that was your decision, which actually is true.
Yes, because you've encouraged them. You've applauded them every time they've made you, and look, I'm speaking for myself with me and Tom, right? It was like every time I would cook dinner and clean his clothes, he was always like, you're the best Greek wife ever. And then eventually after eight years, I'm like, I don't want to cook and clean for you anymore.
But he actually never asked me to in the first place.
Yes.
Yeah, I made sure that I didn't blame Tom and I needed to make sure it was true before I said it. But the truth was he didn't force me. The truth is I never said I was unhappy. Like all of these things I had to be very honest about of where my actions actually contributed to where I was. I actually interviewed recently a guy called Jefferson Fisher and he- Oh yeah, I like Jefferson.
Okay, so he even said, when you're having a tough conversation, instead of saying, I want to talk to you, right, that makes it very personal, you say the room. So you're saying, I want this room to be a safe space where I can be transparent and honest. Are you comfortable with that? And so you're saying it's the room instead of them. You're then getting their buy-in to say yes.
And you're then saying, I don't need you to fix it. I need this to be a place where you can listen. And so you're telling them what to expect. So learning the language to communicate with your partners so you don't trigger them so that you both can have an emotionally sober conversation, I think ends up being the most fruitful thing that we can do.
That's so good. That's so simple and so good. And one other thing that you just mentioned that was almost subtlety, it takes out the absolutes of like, you never do this for me. Because I think that when you're trying to make an effort and then someone says you don't ever, it's kind of like, well, why am I even bothering? And so if you say we, there was no absolutes in the we.
Yeah. So you mentioned earlier about how sometimes we can misunderstand or miscommunicate and we think one thing is one thing, but actually it's the other. So the compromise versus the sacrifice in your words.
Yeah. Amazing. I actually have a few more because I was like, OK, what are the things that get us trapped in a relationship? Going back to like the settling thing and why we either choose the wrong person or we end up staying in a relationship that isn't right. And there were a few things that I think that we get confused.
So I've written a few down that I'd love to talk about. So actually, let's start with love and lust. So how would you look at the difference between love and lust and how if someone's listening right now, can they decipher which one they're in?
That's so good. What's interesting, I've been with someone for 25 years, we've never once had makeup sex. I'm just thinking about that.
Showing 881–900 of 1,143 · page 45 of 58
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