Logan Urie
speaker
760 appearances
2 recordings
1 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard 16 Feb
Logan Urie’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Feb 2026 with 1.
Appearances
The person I like doesn't like me back. I don't know how to tell someone that I like them without fear of rejection. Those are part of dating culture. But right now, dating culture is being equated with dating apps. And so some things that are hard about dating and have always been hard about dating are being blamed on the technology.
Yeah, and so the reason why I've been thinking about this lately is I've been doing, I love Reddit. And so I was reading a lot on Reddit about people going to IRL dating events, right? That's very popular right now. In real life is what that means. In real life dating events. So this person wrote, oh, yeah, I went to that speed dating event, but everyone was just focused on a couple hot people.
It felt like online dating. And that was kind of an aha moment for me because how I would have written that is this reflects how dating is in general, which is a lot of people are all interested in the same attractive person. But for that person who I presume is younger than me, that's They thought this is similar to online dating.
And so it really was that moment for me of, oh, people of this generation, let's talk about Gen Z, are really equating everything that's hard about dating in general with dating apps. And I think that's really interesting because there was an article in The Atlantic by Faith Hill a few months ago called People Are Nostalgic for a Time of Dating That Never Existed. It's true.
So it's like, if there were no apps, things would be so much better or everything was great before we had texts. And it's like, no, dating is always really hard. It's like, this is who I am as a person. You are going to evaluate me and decide if you want to be with me or not. It doesn't matter what technology you're using. It just hurts to be rejected.
And so I definitely think people are having a hard time right now. There's burnout. There's a lot of things that are challenging. But I also want people to know that that is a part of putting yourself out there and risk being rejected. And some of it is the tech, but a lot of it is just human nature. That's true.
Oh, no. People are having a hard time. Absolutely.
So what you said reminded me of this really helpful term, which is that researchers used to refer to relationshiping which is the experience of going from meeting a new person and having that turn into a romantic relationship. And now they refer to relation shopping, which is shopping for a potential partner the way that you would shop for any other product.
And so if you were shopping for Bluetooth headphones, you might say, how much do they weigh? How long is the battery life? How much do they cost? And then you'd look for something online that meets those specs. And people sometimes try to do that with online dating, but... people are not digital goods. People are not things that are just a combination of all of their different traits, right?
That's why matchmaking is so hard. That's why finding your person is so hard because we're so much more than our height, our weight, our religion and things like that. And it's really when I am in front of you on a date, what side of me do you bring out? What's the dynamic between the two of us?
And so really a lot of the work I try to do with my clients is moving people away from relation shopping and have them actually tune into how do I feel when I'm around the person? What side of me do they bring out? And moving from the checklist mindset to really an experiential mindset of how does it feel to be with that person?
So a metaphor that I find helpful here is to think about your dating app and who you see on Hinge as a club, like a nightclub. Okay. And then the way that you set your filters is the bouncer for the club. And so when people go on and they make their profile, they're not thinking that hard about it. They're just like, oh... six feet or taller? Sure, that sounds great.
I'd love to meet a six foot guy. And then they put that as their filter. And then suddenly they're like, why is there no one in my club? Where are all the guys? And it's like, well, you filtered out 86% of men who are under six feet tall. And now you're wondering why I'm having a hard time. And so people are creating really harsh filters and then not seeing a bunch of people.
So it's definitely related to filters because I had a post on Instagram about how women are filtering out short guys. And then the guys complain and they're like, Yes, I'm being filtered out. And then the women's complain and they're like, well, you have really harsh age filters and you're filtering out women under 35 or whatever they say.
And so it's definitely happening across the board because people are really having these bouncers that are not letting anyone into the club. So for the singles party that I had, it was a straight dating event, 27 women, 27 men. And when they came together, 70 dates came out of it because you could match with more than one person. Yep. And then afterwards- Was anyone left with a no? Yes.
Oh, that seems so harsh. I hate that. It was hard. Oh.
So you have this dating event. Yes. 27 people, 70 matches. Oh, yeah. 54 people, 70 matches. And then afterwards, I sent them all a survey and I said, the person who you matched with, would you have said yes to them on a dating app? And many people said no. Oh. Not because I wouldn't have been interested in them, but they wouldn't have shown up on my app in the first place.
they would have been filtered out by age, height, religion, or how far they live from me. And this is such an important point for people to realize is that if you were at a bar and you sat across from a guy and you had an amazing conversation- Or a gal. Or a gal. He had the cutest face. Or they. She had the cutest face. They had the cutest face and you had a great conversation.
And then they stood up and their body type or their height was different from what you expected, you'd likely still want to see them again. Yes. But When you set your filters to really make it so strict and to have this bouncer keep them out of your club, you're not even getting the chance to meet them in the first place.
So my old advice for this used to be to expand your filters and to get less picky. So that's not what we should do? Well, in my dating class, I realized that a percentage of the population is also not picky enough. So for the majority of people... How the hell do I know? It basically is things like, do you feel like you have too many options and that you're getting overwhelmed?
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