Logan Urie
speaker
760 appearances
2 recordings
1 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard 16 Feb
Logan Urie’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Feb 2026 with 1.
Appearances
And is that leading to burnout? Or do you consistently feel like you're holding up your phone saying, where's my wife? Where's my husband? Where's my significant other? I don't have enough matches. Got it. And it also is a mindset shift where are you somebody who's constantly finding flaws in other people?
Or are you someone who keeps saying things like, well, they didn't treat me that well, but they pursued me? But most people I work with do tend to be on the too picky side. And for them, I would say if you remove all filters, that's going to be chaotic. But look at your age filters. Can you go up a little bit in the maximum? Can you go down a little bit in the minimum?
Look at your geography filter. Can you make that broader? What are other ways that you're filtering people out? And can you actually focus less on that and focus more on the things that really matter? Yeah.
So one thing that we found in our research at Hinge that I use a lot in my coaching is that when women feel very overwhelmed, it's often because they don't feel like they're in the driver's seat of their dating life. Hmm. And so they say, oh yeah, I don't comment on anyone's photos. I don't send any likes. Why would I? I'm getting so many incoming messages.
And then I say to them, that's like saying, oh, I really want to find my dream job, but I'm only responding to the LinkedIn messages that recruiters are sending me. No one has ever gotten their dream job by waiting for an incoming message from a recruiter. You have to go out and look for it.
And so what we found in our research is that the more that you're in the driver's seat, the more that you feel like you are pursuing people and that you're going after what you want, the less burned out you feel.
So this is something that I started noticing around 10 years ago where people feel like they want to date on their phone. And one of the main reasons is I know who's single. I know who might be interested. And if the person rejects me, it's way easier to just not hear back from someone than to have someone to your face say, I'm not interested. Well, I actually would take this a step deeper.
Yeah. So one thing I do want to say to Hannah is that's absolutely what I'm seeing in general. And I feel that this is something that we've really seen in our hinge research on Gen Z. And so I did a bunch of research with Gen Z. And if you look online, there's a lot of things about how they love dark humor and they're very nihilistic. And so I thought, oh, they're the most pragmatic generation.
They're not going to be that romantic, but that's not what we found. We found that Gen Z was actually 39% more likely than millennials to say that they believe in a soulmate and that there's one person out there for you. So we have this generation that's very idealistic and looking for their own rom-com. Yet at the same time, they're crippled by their fear of rejection.
And this was made even worse by the pandemic. And there's lots of research to support this, that they weren't having in-person conversations. They weren't dealing with conflict face-to-face. And so they want love, but many of them say that they're not willing to put themselves out there because of fear of rejection. Well, how the hell are you going to meet somebody if you won't put yourself out?
Exactly. And it doesn't matter if you first met on an app or if you first met through friends. Once you're on the date, you're on the date. Who cares how you met? And you need to have hard conversations. Who are you? What are you looking for? And so I really feel like something that I'm nervous about for people in the future is if you won't take risks, if you're not
willing to put yourself out there and get rejected? How are you ever going to get what you want? Do you see this with both men and women? Oh, yeah. This research was really across all genders, and we found that a lot of people are holding themselves back. 56% of people are not pursuing a particular romantic interest because of fear of rejection. Wow. even though they want it.
Yes, because do you know Sherry Turkle? She's a Harvard professor and she's been studying online behavior for a long time. And so I spoke to her about 10 years ago and she just talked about the fact that people now don't know how to have these hard conversations. They don't know how to apologize in person. They don't have to face the consequences.
And I think that it's having a lot of impacts, both in terms of things like ghosting, where you can really leave someone hanging and you don't have to deal with their hurt feelings, but then also in not taking a risk.
I haven't specifically heard that, but that is something where I would really... recommend that the person take a look at their own behavior and really do a relationship audit and sit there and say, who are the people I've dated in the past? What were they like? What did I like about that relationship? What did I not like? What side of me did they bring out?
What do I want to take forward into the future and what do I want to do differently? And then really use that to make more informed choices in the future. And of course, sometimes exes get back together, but I feel like reading between the lines of your questions, it's not necessarily that this was such a good match for them. It was more that it's safer and it's something that they already know.
And so for those people, I would say, are you doing the safe thing? And how can you actually use your 20s as a time of experimentation? And that's one of the things I say over and over to people is date like a scientist because A scientist has a hypothesis and then they test it and they're willing to be proven right or wrong.
And I feel like a lot of times people just come to me and they say, Logan, I know exactly what I want. I want a five, six skinny redhead. Help me find her. And I was like, you think you know what you want, but you're wrong. Let's actually experiment. And why don't you date someone totally different and see how that feels? I do that for women who are obsessed with dating tall guys.
I'm like, go on some date with some short guys and see how it feels. And so For your daughter's friends and for anyone listening, what are the assumptions you're making about who you want to be with and how can you actually test that by dating other types of people? And so often with my clients, they'll come to me and they'll say, you know, I went on this date and he's not really my type.
And in my head, I hear ding, ding, ding, because I'm like, yeah, you're tight. hasn't been serving you. Let's see who this person is. And maybe that's who you're going to end up with. And for me, do you think that my type was a five foot eight redheaded vegan engineer?
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