Phil Barden
speaker
85 appearances
2 recordings
2 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard 26 May
Phil Barden’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in May 2026 with 1.
Appearances
You could ask for whatever it is you want in life if you do it in a nice way. And the truth of the matter is people don't balk at that. People balk when you're rude and dismissive and disrespectful. And so I think there's a lot of distinction and ways that you could be bold in a very positive, kind, nice way. And so I talk about self-agency, right?
Like if you believe you can, you can, and you will. If you believe you can't, you won't, and therefore you will not. So it's literally about, number one... changing these negative ideologies in our heads and reframing the way we see things. It's about thinking what is the worst that can happen?
Like even just that one sentence or that one reframe of, well, I'm not gonna be any worse off today than I was yesterday if it doesn't go my way. So what's the worst that can happen? And if you have that type of affirmation, right? Then you act in such, right?
Boldness is a muscle, right? Like if you want to be strong, you don't go to the gym once and think you're going to be strong and fit, right? You have to go consistently over and over and over again. And then eventually you get to be stronger and stronger. And then you need to maintain that strength. It's the same thing with being bold. You don't just act one time and think, okay, now I'm bold.
You have to be consistent with the skill and practice of it by doing these little things over and over again to strengthen your boldness muscle and to be intelligent. and to become something. You've got to change the neuroplasticity of how you see yourself. And the only way to do that is to act and to do and to practice consistently. I'm somebody that... I wasn't born this way, but I did notice...
when things were working out for myself and when I actually got certain wins, it was because I had the courage to ask for something and go after something and create these opportunities. And it wasn't because I was the smartest or the prettiest or the most athletic. It was because I actually just asked the question. And I think we get in our own way the most, right? We are our own worst enemies.
And we don't even allow ourselves to, like I said, self-actualize to where we want to be and can be. And the truth of the matter is what's worse, rejection or regret? To me... Regret is way worse than rejection. You get over rejection, right? Like it may hurt and you may have to lick your wounds for a few hours or a day or two. But the what ifs are much, much worse.
And those live with you over and over and over again in your mind.
Forever. Exactly. And it's happened to me. Even me being bold now, I mean, I've had a lot of things happen where I thought, yeah, now I practice. I'm bold. I wrote a book on bold. And I still sometimes have self-doubt and don't do something that I think and know I should because I get scared. of the same thing that I'm saying. But because of that not doing, that regret, I remember that feeling.
And so when you remember that feeling of regret or what if, that's a great motivator to not do it another time.
I agree with you. They're all basically sisters and brothers to each other, right? And confidence is the best way to gain confidence is through recognizing your other accomplishments that you've had and really, really kind of recognizing them and celebrating them, right? The best way...
In my opinion, people ask me all the time about confidence, like, well, how do you even get the confidence to do this? Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, right? And there has to have been some small wins in your life at some point, no matter how small they were, but recognizing those and holding on to those. And the other thing is you can count yourself. You have to count yourself.
Even if you kind of take a breath and say, OK, three, two, one, let's go. You know, even if it's being brave for 20 seconds, we can all do something for 20 seconds. You can do all these little things to kind of give you that like burst of confidence just to kind of get get through the door. Right. And over time, like I said, you're you're. your neuroplasticity starts to change.
And the reality is being courageous, being confident, the way people get that is by acting. is by doing and then seeing yourself doing those things and noticing these little wins and recognizing these little wins and doing these little brain tricks, like saying, okay, I'm not confident, but you know what? I can do this for 20 seconds. I can make this call or I can say this one thing.
And it's going to be 20 seconds. What's the worst that can happen in those 20 seconds? I don't get it? Okay. And there's ways to psych yourself up into that until that actually becomes your new normal.
1,000%. 1,000%. We all have those people in our lives. We all have those people in the life. On my podcast, Habits and Hustle, all I do all day is talk to the most extraordinarily successful people on the planet, the biggest disruptors in the world. And the one thing, the one through line with all of these people that I've interviewed is boldness. It's not that they were the smartest.
They weren't the smartest. In fact, a lot of them flunked out of college and some of them out of high school. They weren't exceptional in anything. But what they had was perseverance, persistence, tenacity, and boldness. And that is why this is not just me like riffing off, you know, or talking from a white to ivory tower. This is honestly not just this is experience people I've seen.
This is backed research. It is all of those things. And I got a job with the Toronto Raptors, which is the Toronto NBA team, when I was 20 years old. I was in a sales position where I had no prior sales experience. It was right after college. It was the most coveted job. Everyone wanted it. Everybody there were sports fanatics, sports fans, big basketball fans.
And I got the job because I was successful. I was so persistent and I asked for it over and over again that eventually they're like, you know what? This girl, let's give her a shot. I ended up being a really good salesperson, you know, shockingly enough. But the point is, it's like that is what happens. And by the way, just to kind of close the loop on that story, my boss was a total nitwit.
He didn't belong in that position, but he was so bold that he got the job. And he, by the way, he kept it. Because sometimes that is what it is. And I feel that if people really, really took that to heart, it would really propel them to at least give themselves a shot. The hardest part, the stop is in the start a lot of times. So you just have to act.
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