Stephen Andrew

speaker

600 appearances 6 recordings 1 series first heard Jan 2017 last heard Aug 2019

Stephen Andrew’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

Trend

recordings per month · last 12 months

No recordings in the last 12 months.Older appearances are listed below; set an alert to hear about the next one.

Appearances

newest first · ▶ plays the moment

The Hook Up · Why we date people who are bad for us (and how to break the pattern) · 26 Aug 2019 podcast

I can't change you, not in any real way and not in any positive way.

I can provide a space and a relationship where you might be able to grow and conversely I can provide that same relationship space that stifles your growth, if that's what my thing is.

So I want to shift that emphasis back into no, stop trying to change other people.

and focus in on changing yourself and leave them to change themselves if they want to and support them by all means.

But there's a line there, isn't there, between saying I support you in your efforts to change and to do great things in the world

And that line, when crossed, sounds like, I need you to change.

You must change.

I'm going to force you to change.

And all sorts of coercive and ultimately perhaps violent and abusive aspects of relationships can seep in at that point.

A short answer to Alex's first part of that question is that attachment theory has a lot of support for it, scientific, empirical and anecdotal support.

It tends to fit and tends to work.

Second part of the question, how do you go about after reflecting and recognising what you need to do?

It is to actively seek out relationships of all sorts, sexual, intimate, platonic and others, that are respectful, that are non-judgmental, that are honest, that are warm, that have this sense of nourishment, experiential nourishment to them when you're in them.

And if you've gone through a whole series of these poor relationships,

it can be really hard to kind of even imagine this, but they're out there and it's possible to find them.

And again, you can do it if you look for those qualities.

If you start, I guess a great place to start is with yourself and being respectful towards yourself and being honest with yourself and being loving towards yourself.

That tends to be a bit of a ceiling on receiving love from outside.

So it's developing those skills quite consciously.

How can I be

Showing 121–140 of 600 · page 7 of 30