Tanya Coons

speaker

3,654 appearances 23 recordings 1 series first heard Feb 2016 last heard Aug 2022

Tanya Coons’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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The Hook Up · Unblurring the lines: how consent makes sex better · 19 Oct 2020 podcast

I am too.

Wow.

You know, that sort of thing.

Whereas you might've been too afraid to suggest it.

yes, they do.

So often.

So we talked a little bit about, you know, hey, babe, would you like a massage and who is it for?

So, you know, it could be like I'm enthusiastically consenting to a massage.

What do you mean you're touching my butt?

Right, because we haven't worked out what kind of massage.

So it's the details.

But we also have to look at things like trauma.

So if people get triggered, people are quite familiar with fight or flight, but they're less familiar with freeze or fawn.

And these are all decisions made by your autonomic nervous system, which means you are not in control of that.

It's going to choose an option for you to survive.

So freezing means literally you're going to become nonverbal and start to move away from your partner.

So if your partner stops talking, starts flinching, gets clammy, has dilated pupils, starts breathing funny, I'm pretty sure you're out of consent.

If your partner starts to all of a sudden really play up to you, the fawning, it's like this is what people do when they're held captive.

You know, they're really nice to their captor so they don't get killed.

So it's like they're going to pretend that they really like it.

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