Tanya Coons

speaker

3,654 appearances 23 recordings 1 series first heard Feb 2016 last heard Aug 2022

Tanya Coons’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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The Hook Up · Unblurring the lines: how consent makes sex better · 19 Oct 2020 podcast

I always like to tell people that consent is an inside job.

It starts first and foremost with yourself and what you want.

And interestingly, from talking to many, many people about what they like, what they would like to try, what they're into, most people don't know, right?

Moment to moment, people are really not that connected in with their bodies and they're not exactly sure what they want.

So in a lot of the consent training that I did, we learned via our bodies where we had to ask people to touch us in certain ways, but we had to take 20 seconds to feel into our body and what it was that we might be wanting.

So I think often we can get into a sexy situation.

We think, okay, sex, it's like this.

We do a bit of kissing, a bit of touching, lick this, touch that, and then boom, we're off to doing penetration or something else.

And it's kind of formulaic, but we're not really checking in with our body and thinking, well, how might I like to be touched today?

Because today might be different to tomorrow or yesterday.

So the ongoing and enthusiastic part is checking in with yourself.

What do I want?

Is this going well?

Like, am I being kissed in a way that I enjoy?

Am I being touched in a way that I enjoy?

Am I feeling enthusiastic about this?

Like, do I want it to continue or am I kind of putting up with it and hoping it'll be over soon?

right so we're sort of we want to really keep checking in with ourselves and going what's going on here for me am i okay with it and then how am i going to be able to let my partner know this stuff right because a lot of the time people can go into they can go into a fight flight freeze or fawn response they can just be like oh my god i really want to impress this person i i'm just going to do it because i think i should or we've been married for a long time or

They're new and hot.

So many reasons that we can talk ourselves out of it.

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