Ripping Beers & Running 5K's w/ Jason Kelce, N.O.R.E, and Beau Allen | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer 1h 8m 5 speakers 4 chapters transcribed
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Who are the hosts and special guests on this episode of 2 Bears 1 Cave?

Tom Segura 0:05
Welcome to another episode of Two Bears, One Cave. I'm Tom and this is Bert, everybody. Say hello.
Bert Kreischer 0:15
What? I'm hammered.
Tom Segura 0:18
Yeah, that is not weird. This is incredible. Thank you guys so much for coming out. If you're listening, we are at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida. And there's a 5K, which was, I think it was your goddamn idea.
Bert Kreischer 0:37
This idea is almost dumber than Two Bears Sports Management.
Tom Segura 0:41
Yeah, that really didn't pan out.
Bert Kreischer 0:42
Two Bears Racing, Two Bears AI Porn. Yeah. We've had a lot of dumb ideas, Tom.
Tom Segura 0:49
Quite a few. And I put this near the top, but it fucking panned out.
Bert Kreischer 0:56
We were so hungover this morning. I was like, there's no way I'm running this fucking race.
Tom Segura 1:02
I was tapping out. I smoked DMT yesterday, and I had like 20 shots at Bar Howard, was it? Bar Howard. Yes.
Bert Kreischer 1:10
Let's just break down the bartenders at Bar Howard. Holy cheat on my wife. Those fucking women.
Tom Segura 1:19
I will hit subscribe on that OnlyFans. If those girls want to get it going, I will fund that.
Bert Kreischer 1:24
Hey, can I get an IV? Oh, my God. Look at how fucking quick she comes. Holy shit. Holy shit. Hey, can I get a blowjob? Why don't we... Oh, no, no. Just the IV from you, please. Or both if you're into it. Just IVs. Be cool. Okay.
Tom Segura 1:41
I mean, if you're doing... There's two of us. All right. So... This is a crazy thing that actually worked out, that so many people wanted to participate in exercise, which is... We did this because we started realizing our fans...
Bert Kreischer 2:01
Are a lot like us.
Tom Segura 2:03
Fat. It's crazy how anytime I'm in public and I see a guy that looks like he doesn't take care of himself, I'm like, this guy's a fan. And then as soon as I see a guy... There's Mel.
Bert Kreischer 2:15
Big fan. Big fan. Dark side of the grill. Check him out. He's a great chef.
Tom Segura 2:20
Yeah, anybody that's like, this guy's falling apart, he's always like, what's up, bro? So, yeah, two middle-aged guys who, you know.
Bert Kreischer 2:29
And we got to keep it going. I mean, look, this was a pipe dream that we started in Austin because we were looking to fill content. And we were like, yo, it's going to be January 1st when this drops. What's our New Year's resolution? And then we just jokingly said 5K by May. And then we called all our friends that had been canceled. And they all said no. This one?

What inspired the 2 Bears 5K and how did it come together?

Bert Kreischer 2:50
And then we did it in Los Angeles, and now we're here in Raymond James, and we've got over 7,500 people here. And it's just amazing. And I've got to keep it going for all the bucks that showed up. The bucks came out. But let's break down that, do not take my fucking blood pressure. Just give me a goddamn IV. I do not want that, or just give me the IV. Or don't, or don't, but do not take my blood pressure. How bad would your blood pressure be? I do not take my blood pressure. Is that a good sign? No, I get the white coat syndrome, and I don't want to, listen, I normally get two bags. I'll be fine with one bag. Just do not take my blood pressure. What's his blood pressure right now? It's still thinking? Well, does it register he's dead inside?
Bert Kreischer 3:39
What are you talking about? You're so frustrating. Your blood pressure is always perfect. Well, it might not be.
Tom Segura 3:46
I don't know. 140 over 70?
Bert Kreischer 3:48
Yeah. It's not great. It's not terrible, she just said. I personally would rather lower on the top number. If you're going to take my blood pressure, I don't need an IV. Stop. No, I'm not getting one. Why? There's 7,000 people here. I'm not getting my blood pressure taken. And guess what? All 7,000 want you to get your blood pressure. Nope, nope, nope. Stop. Game's over. I'm not playing. Stop. Game's over. Nope. It's my arm, and I hold him tight. Nori, get up here. Nori, come here. Nori's a black man. You don't go to the doctor. No way. Nori, come here, please. Over here. Sit right here on the stairs.
Tom Segura 4:27
Nori, will you let them take your blood pressure? That's all I got.
Bert Kreischer 4:29
There you go. That's my man. Here, we got a mic for you, Nori. And Jason Kelsey's Garage Beers are up here. Have you had one yet? Here, sit down. I never met Tom, but I feel like I know you.
Tom Segura 4:40
What's up, bro? How you doing, man? It's a pleasure to meet you.

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