are my standards too high? advice session [video]
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What are Goldilocks standards and why are they important?
Our standards are complicated, right? Because they're constantly fluctuating. Sometimes our standards are too high. Sometimes they're too low. And when we're lucky, sometimes they fall somewhere in between. Not too high, not too low, just right. Goldilocks standards. But as much as we all strive to have Goldilocks standards, which is, I think, a term I just came up with. Did I just come up with that? Goldilocks standards? Has anyone ever said that? OK, nominate me for a Nobel Peace Prize. That's actually incredible. That's beautiful. Wow. Very excited and inspired. Thank you. Moving on. It's very challenging to maintain balance. with our standards to find that state of Goldilocks standards, because there are a bunch of variables in our lives that directly impact our standards. And those variables are constantly changing, evolving, fluctuating. And as a result, our standards are all over the place. You know, I know for me, I constantly have to keep my standards in check.
I constantly have to check up on them because they do have a tendency to go awry. And for me, when my standards become imbalanced, it tends to look a little something like this, okay? My standards for myself, way too high. impossible to achieve. And I'm left feeling disappointed and bad about myself because I could literally win a Nobel Peace Prize and that would still not be enough for me.
How do imbalanced standards affect self-esteem and relationships?
When my standards for myself are too high, I'm destined for failure. On the other hand, my standards for other people are on the floor. OK, people can walk all over me. They can say mean shit all they want. I don't care because my self-esteem is so low from having unrealistically high standards for myself that I don't care how people treat me because I don't feel like I deserve to be treated well because I ultimately hate myself. So that's what tends to happen to me when my standards are imbalanced. But everybody's different. You know, you might have a similar situation. Your standards for yourself and others might be too high. Your standards for yourself and others might be too low. Your standards for yourself might be low, but for others are high. Everyone's different, right? But we all have in common the struggle to find the balance. And so that's what we're going to be discussing today. And that's what I'm going to be giving you advice on.
Even though, as I just said, I do not have it all figured out. OK, I find myself in a period where my standards are imbalanced every few years. I will say, though, right now I'm in a pretty good place. I would say my standards are pretty balanced. Like, I definitely expect a lot of myself, maybe a little bit too much. But it's not to a point that I can't like, I don't know, find some sort of feeling of achievement. Like I'm putting pressure on myself, but I'm actually able to achieve everything that I'm expecting of myself. So that's good. And when it comes to other people, I would say my standards are pretty balanced right now. I don't think I'm expecting too much, but I'm definitely not allowing myself
Bad behavior. Bad behavior is is not allowed right now. My standards are too high and good for me because it is much better to have people in your life who respect you. Anywho, my cat is like meowing in the kitchen and it's just it's unbelievable because I fed them 15 minutes ago. I just don't know what the cat could be wanting. And I don't know which of my cats it is. I have one girl and one boy.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What are Goldilocks standards and why are they important?
0:55–2:29
2
How do imbalanced standards affect self-esteem and relationships?
2:29–4:39
3
Are my standards too high for my loved ones?
4:39–8:56
4
How can I effectively communicate my standards?
8:56–13:39
5
How can self-esteem influence romantic standards?
13:39–16:59
6
What strategies can help improve romantic standards?
16:59–43:53