Patreon Episode: Spelling Bee - Are You Garbage (FULL)

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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast 1h 3m 9 speakers 8 chapters transcribed
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Who are the hosts of Are You Garbage?

Kevin Ryan 0:00
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Judge 0:20
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that it would be good to be classy.
Audience Member 0:29
I've been liking you the whole time.
Judge 0:31
They're just a big old piece of trash. Trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tootie's in the new edition. They got the goddamn radiators on. Sure.
Audience Member 0:40
I got the open mouth shit with the fucking CPAP. Now I'm all jammed up. Mm-hmm. Goddamn fucking Sudafed straightened me out. Uh-huh. Can't take the hard stuff anymore. Sure. Clean out the pipes. My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
Judge 0:56
Not a big fan of mine at this moment, but it's fine because we're in competition right now. He's the CEO of RU Garbage, which means Chief Executive Officer.
Audience Member 1:07
Kevin Ryan.
Well, it's a nice day for a lot wedding.
Audience Member 1:13
What up, gang? Shout out to the motherfucking homies. Me and the big man are bumping heads. I'm not bumping heads with anybody. I'm taking heat, which I take heat a lot. Which, okay, what's up? First of all, shout out to the motherfucking homies. Shout out to them. The goddamn, let's call them the jury of this. The jury of... This competition? The jury of our world is being honest. Judge, jury, and executioner. Every time we get in an argument, the homies and bozos settle.

What is the spelling bee challenge about?

Mainly the homies. What are we talking about here?
Audience Member 1:41
They're going to see this in reverse because they'll see the hard feelings first. Sure. It's like a Tarantino film. It's black and white. I'm doing H. Shout out to the motherfucking homies, baby. We love you. Thank you so much for all the frigging support. Yes. Shout out to you. We love you. And gang, put your thinking caps on because today we're doing a little AYG.
Judge 2:02
My first spelling. Spelling bee. Sure. Spell spelling. S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G.
Audience Member 2:10
Yeah. Pussy. Take that. Spell traitor. Spell turncoat. Spell bad friend. That's not nice. You're telling me. What are you talking about, traitor? All you got. Well, let's just, we'll do a brief discussion of it while you just drop it on us fucking two seconds ago. I didn't drop anything on anybody. Did you know that? We were talking about what to wear for the wedding. Luke's reaction kind of jarred me a little bit more. Maybe I did know this and I don't remember. What am I, fucking Amish? I'm not going to have a best man? Am I cruising up there?
Judge 2:43
Listen, the way I did it, the way I did it, alleviates anybody's feelings. First of all, I didn't invite any of my boys from home. Not mine or Luke's. You don't have any boys from home. It shouldn't.
Audience Member 2:56
It's all family. It's family. I'm not family. When you're here, you're family. The 15th of the month. You're my dada. Daddy Warbler. Mama and dada. I just didn't know. Hold on, hold on. We were talking about what we're going to wear for the wedding, and Foley, you know, I've poked some fun. Where do I fit into this ceremony?
Judge 3:21
You don't let it go, which leads me to believe that there's a little bit of serious doing, and it makes me feel bad. Listen, I would love for you to be in it.
Well, you didn't ask me. That's a funny way.
Audience Member 3:32
That's a funny way. It just doesn't work out in the program. You know what I mean? I'm just saying, we're sitting here talking about what we're going to wear, and Foley pulls up a picture and goes, this is what the groomsmen are wearing. And Luke went, what the fuck? I didn't know there was groomsmen set up. To me, this was always spun as a low-key kind of way. Like, oh, we're just going up there.

How do the hosts feel about spelling?

Audience Member 3:55
What do you think, I got a fucking Elvis impersonator up there? Hey, Hank. Anybody got anything to say? Okay. I just, I was a little taken aback.
H. Foley 4:05
I didn't know there was cool gear I could buy that could separate me from everyone else.
Audience Member 4:09
Yes, you know I like to be VIP. They got me sitting in coach with the fucking mouth breathers. How about I'll get you guys all shirts?

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