What Happens After Your Kids leave home?: Begin Again Moments
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How do parenting dynamics change as children grow into adults?
This episode is brought to you by Airbnb. Now, I don't know if you remember, but I told you about my friend Kat who was heading off to Thailand with her partner to celebrate their 10-year anniversary. And she just got back last week. They spent a day exploring the markets. They went to Bangkok. And the real highlight for Kat, she said, was when they visited this ethical animal sanctuary in Chiang Mai. I mean, can I just tell you something? I've actually never been to Thailand. I'm so jealous. But the reason I'm telling you all of this is before Kat went away, she found a local co-host through Airbnb's co-host network, and they helped her host her home and manage all the kind of admin-y bits like, welcoming guests and responding to messages.
And for Kat, that meant that she could just switch off and really just enjoy being on holiday, all the while her home was bringing in a bit of extra money on the side. It just makes so much sense, right? If you're heading away anytime soon and could do with a bit of help, why don't you find yourself a co-host at airbnb.co.uk slash host. going to explain here. Oh yes. You are the mother of Paul Mescal. Yes I am. But you have three children. I do have three children. All equally important.
Yes. You've got Donika. So Paul is 30 just recently. Donika is going to be 27 in July and Nell is 23 in April. My baby. Amazing. I know I can't believe I have a 30 year old. Yeah it's so weird isn't it? That is like. How did that even happen?
I
I just, I have no idea. I find that, and that's the most interesting part of mothering, I think as well, that you have to mother, like they don't need mothering now. So where do you sit? They do. But they do. Exactly. But they don't. And so therefore you don't want to be on top of them, but you want to be near them. You want to let them know that we're in the wings, always here. But yeah, he's, yeah, very lucky the three of them are happy and wealthy.
Please will you just describe how you see what happens to two people when they have children? Where they kind of become an entity of parenting.
When you're parenting, when you're in a couple, before you have children, It's about your dreams and my dreams and we're all going to be wonderful. It's all going to be fine. We're going to be able to sail off there and we're going to be able to do that. And if you're blessed and you get a baby, suddenly nothing else matters. Yeah. Nothing else matters. It's only their dreams. What do you mean you have a dream? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No dreams for you. We've got this person here. He's got to have the dreams. She's got to have the dreams. Oh, and we're saying yes and there's no shoulda, coulda, wouldas. We've got to do it. And I was that parent. Oh my goodness, no shoulda, woulda, coulda. Paul would be sitting there going... Can I say something?
You are the first other person that I've heard that says shoulda, woulda, coulda. I say that. Yeah. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. Like rubbish.
What challenges do parents face when supporting adult children?
Rubbish. Don't do that. Did or did not. And I didn't want any of my children to turn to me at 30 and say, I coulda, I shoulda, if you had. Do you know? And one of the things I said to my friend was that when she was coming in her front door and all the shoes were in the front door and she had to kick them out of the way because she's tired and she's just come in with all her own. And then she goes over to the washing machine and all the stuff is outside the washing machine. So we were having, like, you can imagine this. This was a manic conversation of, yes, that happens all the time. And there is no fairy in the laundry. Like, it's just, who is it? Me. And I said to her, do you know what we have to do?
We have to realise that we're not always going to be kicking the shoes. Eventually, it'll just be two sets of shoes. So let's enjoy all the shoes. You know, and it's really important because it's fleeting. And when you're in the chaos and when it's hard, you don't realize it's fleeting. You think this is it. This is, oh my God, my children are never going to learn.
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
How do parenting dynamics change as children grow into adults?
0:00–3:07
2
What challenges do parents face when supporting adult children?
3:07–6:25
3
How can parents maintain communication with their adult children?
6:25–9:18
4
What boundaries should parents set with their adult children?
9:18–12:22
Speakers
3 identifiedMore from Begin Again with Davina McCall
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Begin Again Moments: Hitting Rock Bottom And What Comes Next
Caitlin Moran: “I Thought My Brain Had Broken” Becoming Hopeful After A Life Of Anxiety