Neigh Their Neighm | Napoleon Invades Russia (Part 7/10)
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What is the opening banter and setup for the Napoleonic invasion of Russia?
Thank you. Welcome back to Finn vs. History. Horatio Gould is here.
Hello.
And it's time, folks, to get into... Operation... For fuck's sake. It's time to get into...
We're about to invade Russia, Charlie. We're about to invade Russia. So, by the way, Charlie has got this bad habit that's starting to piss me off because it's so clearly ingenuine. He sends me voice notes after records. Right. He sends this all... Does he do this to you? No. He sends me sincere messages. Actually,
he
started sending
me... Go
on.
By the way, man, I just wanted to say you were fucking electric today. Genuinely. You know, this job's a lot of pressure and easy, but we're working with people like you. It's what kind of gets you through the day. So I just wanted you to know it's a privilege and I'm always here if you want to talk.
most records I was here if you were talking in between records whether the episode was good whether it was bad whether I was good he would say you were fucking electric today mate
do you know
what he sent me what
did you send me yesterday on instagram
you sent me a
you sent me a video of a poet reading out his poetry and how did i reply one word
rapist yeah
so uh we we are in 1807 okay napoleon is at the height
of his powers i can imagine you in napoleon's army being like napoleon mate today you were a fucking electric electric You were awesome. After Auschwitz, mate, you were...
Auschwitz, that was up there, mate. That was fucking amazing. We all saw it. We all saw
it. But you'd also be like that after the Battle of Leipzig or Waterloo. You'd be like, you're
electric. You were brilliant today, mate. And he's on an island in the middle of the sea. You were amazing today. You were electric, mate. So, we're in 1807. Okay. Now, to recap, Napoleon is cooking on gas. He has smoked the Austrian and Russians at Austerlitz. Okay. His sperm is working fine, actually. Thank you, Josephine. It's your womb that's fucked.
You're the
problem. However... He's had to invade Spain with his troops. Portugal have been ignoring his request to not trade with Britain. So
he's being Eiffel Towered, to use the phrase that our researcher won't stop bringing up, by the Peninsular War and by the Russia and...
Austria and Prussia and all
that stuff. But instead, at the moment, he is managing to defend against the Eiffel Tower by wanking them both off simultaneously. Yeah, very French defence. At the moment, it is quite seamless, which is a very hard thing to do. It's basically still maintain, you know, wanking off on both fronts.
Yes, it is very hard. They are skilled women.
At the moment, he's doing a good job.
Now, Sir John Moore has had his chest blown out by a cannonball, but he's actually fine, thank you.
He's fine. I don't
need to bother about
it. Put some more stuff in there.
Just fire another one at me. I reckon I can take it. The British have successfully evacuated Spain. We've left Wellington in Portugal for the night while we go out and dine out on Russian tapas. So, what's been happening in mainland Europe while the Peninsular War is kicking off? Now, in February 1807, we get to the Battle of Ilao. Ilao, brother. Ilao, brother.
Ilao, brother. Ilao, brother.
Ilao, brother. Ilao, brother. The Battle of Elauda. Elauda,
brother. Now,
this is in modern-day Poland in the winter of 1807. This is just before the Peninsular War has kicked off. So it ends in a big standoff with the Russians at Elau. And... snowstorms are blinding artillery. And it means, tragically, the French fire directly into their own troops.
Right. Autoerotic artillery. Artillery.
It's a dangerous game, Matt. And so it's a French victory. It doesn't feel like one because they've literally shot themselves with cannons.
Right,
right. So Napoleon is quite shaken. So he spends hours riding among his own corpses. An officer recalls, he seemed old the next morning. Okay. Which is a bit of an understatement. So he's an empath. 50,000 dead. 25,000 French
a slaughterhouse is this one of the so it's kind of equal casualties but the French have made better goals right
and he's an artillery officer that's what he was originally so I think this is extra painful because
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the opening banter and setup for the Napoleonic invasion of Russia?
0:01–9:17
2
How did Napoleon’s early victories and the Treaty of Tilsit set the stage for the Russian campaign?
9:17–18:12
3
Why did Napoleon decide to invade Russia despite his earlier successes?
18:12–26:55
4
What logistical challenges did the Grande Armée face during the march into Russia?
26:55–34:10
5
How did the Russian scorched‑earth tactics and the burning of Moscow affect the French army?
34:10–42:01
6
What happened at the Battle of Borodino and why is it considered a turning point?
42:01–51:04
7
How did the disastrous retreat across the Berezina River unfold?
51:04–56:08
8
What were the long‑term consequences of the Russian campaign for Napoleon’s empire?
56:08–56:24
Speakers
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