Traveling w/ Keanu Reeves & Golfing w/ Tiger Woods

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Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade 58 min 5 speakers 8 chapters transcribed 5 months ago
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

Dana Carvey 0:00
yo this is from dan to me just kick spade's ass at chess he's got quite the eagle ego about chess but he didn't know a rook from his ass i bet sex with my wife and the wife's like this huh and then he says one of our posters i bet fly on the wall be number one in a year
David Spade 0:22
What's our poster up to? Yeah, he bets us. Oh, my God. This is like Barbie versus open.
Dana Carvey 0:29
Why are you going up again?
David Spade 0:31
Lauren documentary versus stupid bus.
Dana Carvey 0:34
No, you just went up against Titanic. But, Lauren, I don't know who is booking this movie.
David Spade 0:40
He's like, quietly make bus boys disappear. Welcome to the greatest show on earth. What if it was?
Dana Carvey 0:52
I know. What if it was, yeah, secretly like talked about centuries from now? It is to some people.

What travel stories does David share with Keanu Reeves?

David Spade 1:00
Mm-hmm. Oh, I do have to say I'm going to. Oh, wait, it's too late. No, it's not. I'm going to Charlotte. What? These are the last couple of gigs for a while.
Dana Carvey 1:10
You say that every week and then I know I really do.
David Spade 1:13
It's such a lie. I go to Charlotte, Nashville and Pittsburgh. I'm going to be in Pittsburgh during the draft. Is it the draft? You think you'll get drafted?
Dana Carvey 1:25
What if I get drafted? I know you shouldn't even be around there.

What is the significance of the new Lorne documentary?

Dana Carvey 1:28
You could be a punter or something. You could hold the... David Spade, 6'1", 180.
David Spade 1:35
They all lie.
Dana Carvey 1:35
They all lie. They're a bunch of liars. Mother effers.
David Spade 1:40
Yeah, I've got... Maybe I'll bring some players down. Come down to the show. I have a couple of chuckles.
Dana Carvey 1:45
Oh, they love that. They love Tommy Boy gets them there. And then Joe Dirt brings them across the finish line. And then Dickie Roberts gets you free drinks. I mean, it's a spade. I've been out in the world with you in Indianapolis.

How does David Spade recount his golf experience with Tiger Woods?

Dana Carvey 2:00
Like I said, it was like walking around with Mickey Mouse.
David Spade 2:02
When I was on the road, I did Stern. I haven't done Stern in a long time. And we gave Dana his kudos and praises.
Dana Carvey 2:11
That's the thing. My strategy is to never go on podcasts and then have people sing my praises on podcasts.
David Spade 2:19
Talk about you. Yes, we did.
Dana Carvey 2:20
Because if I'm there, it never happens.
David Spade 2:22
Right. If you're there, you have to talk about me.
Dana Carvey 2:25
Exactly. So I'm never there. And so you're like, what else do you want to talk about?
David Spade 2:29
And they were like, we should have Dana on.

What are some surprising NASA conspiracies mentioned?

David Spade 2:30
I go, I know, he'd love it.
Dana Carvey 2:32
Dana's elusive and mysterious.
David Spade 2:34
You do have elusivity and mysteriosity going for you.
Dana Carvey 2:38
I'm a mystery to myself.
David Spade 2:42
You're a conundrum wrapped in a mystery.
Dana Carvey 2:45
Yeah, I'm like a Rubik's Cube that you solved when you were five.
David Spade 2:50
You're like a Rubik's Cube where each side is dumber than the other ones. When they all line up, it's the dumbest possible person on earth. Okay, okay.
Dana Carvey 2:58
It's nice chatting with you state champion in chess at age six.
David Spade 3:02
It's like being the Rubik's Cube. No one cares. I told you Dan Bula from SNL was incensed that Heather told him that I was a great chess player. Remember that?
Dana Carvey 3:14
Why was he mad about that?

What unusual fashion statement is discussed involving cockroaches?

David Spade 3:16
Because Sandler brought in a chess board on the road in Las Vegas and it was late after the show. And he goes, come on, let's play. We should all sharpen our skill. I was like, oh, how weird. I haven't played since maybe sixth grade. So we played and we both didn't know what was going on. And I won by miraculously, not even remember, like this is a bishop. Pawns can go two squares. Anyway, that was fun. And then I go, okay. And then Dan Bulley goes,
Keanu Reeves 3:46
I play winner.
David Spade 3:47
I go, no, no, just play Sandler because I don't want to play. God, Dan got mean.
Keanu Reeves 3:51
He goes, sit the fuck down.

What humorous incident involves a parrot in a submarine?

David Spade 3:54
I go, and he goes, Heather was bragging about how great you are. I go, no, no, no. She was probably just saying sixth grade I used to play. Sixth grade, that was 10 years ago.
Dana Carvey 4:05
This was me. When was that? Was it last week or something? When was it?
David Spade 4:09
No, this was a year ago.
Dana Carvey 4:10
A year ago. Hold on a second. Let me get in my... Yo, this is from Dan to me. Just kick Spade's ass at chess. He's got quite the ego about chess, but he didn't know a rook from his ass.

What are the final thoughts shared by the hosts?

Dana Carvey 4:25
I hope you're well, Dan Bula. Well, should we tell people who Dan is in case they forgot?
David Spade 4:32
Big, big writer to us now.
Dana Carvey 4:33
Big writer and a great musician. And he goes on the road, a great performer and also- Musician, piano player, writer of songs.

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