305 | What Happened When I Stopped Trying to Get New Friends to Like Me
episode
Free & Well: Break Free From Anxiety & Overthinking & Feel More Confident With Mental Health Habits, Nervous System Healing & Christian Based Practices
18 min
1 speaker
3 chapters
transcribed 1 month ago
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Why did I used to focus on “does she like me?” when meeting new friends?
Hey love, what is up? Welcome to the Free Null Podcast. I am so glad you're here. So today we're gonna be talking about why we do not want to be filtering ourselves when we are first getting to know people. And I'm going to specifically be sharing why I don't do this anymore because I actually realized it is such a disservice. Such a disservice. So When I used to make friends, okay, so thinking about Dev, you know, maybe five, ten years ago, when I used to make new friends. I would come in with this very soft, kind, gentle, warm energy, which part of that is genuinely me. Like I genuinely am a lot of those things. And though I would come in with almost this like chameleon ready energy. So I would go along with what the other person was saying if they shared an opinion or a thought on something, a take on something, an interest in something.
I would just kind of chameleon and I would either agree or I would keep it neutral. If I had a thought that was very different, I would not share that. I would keep myself very palatable because I was prioritizing I want them to like me. I want them to like me, which is not bad, right? We're all human. Of course, we want to be liked. We're meant to be in community, to have friends, to live in community, and that is so natural. And that's okay. But that was what I was prioritizing was I want to be liked. I want this person to like me. I want this person to have a positive opinion of me. That was what I was prioritizing and valuing over everything else. So what I learned over time. What this ended up looking like when I was filtering myself in that way, when I was, I'm gonna say chameleoning.
I wish that was an easier word, but I'm gonna roll with it.
How did I realize that “chameleoning” was a disservice to my friendships?
Chameleoning. When I was doing that. What would end up happening weeks later, months later, is I would notice that in these friendships where I started out that way. I then had to ma I'm was maintaining that because I had started out very palatable, very vanilla, not super opinionated.
Hey friend, welcome to the Free Mill Podcast. If you're tired of feeling anxious and all the overthinking, if you're ready to feel more calm and confident to start trying new things and being more of your true authentic self, this is the podcast for you. My name is Devani. I'm an anxiety therapist, confidence coach, and yoga teacher. I'm here to help you use faith, yoga, and mental wellness to create daily healthy habits, start feeling more confident in your own skin, and creating your best life. Grab your iced coffee in your journal. Let's go!
And I then needed to maintain that. Right? And so I felt like, okay, well now I'm in this friendship where I kind of have to maintain these like how I've been showing up this whole time. I'm feeling nervous to actually be my genuine self, to let my genuine self out because I hadn't yet. And I found myself really filtering what I was saying, how I was showing up, who I was being. And if I'm being so real. I ended up realizing like, ugh, I actually am not having a lot of fun. I am not having a lot of fun and finding a lot of value in spending time in this dynamic. Can we be honest? When I was filtering myself and not showing up genuinely and authentically, I would find myself not enjoying spending time in these dynamics.
And I do wanna say it is not even anything negative or bad at all about the other people because it's almost unfair, or I'm actually gonna say it is unfair. Because I wasn't even really giving these people an opportunity to see the genuine me, to see the real weird, quirky, loud, funny, right? All those I wasn't even giving that a chance. So What I started to practice over time is this mindset and this approach when I am making new connections, when I am building relationships when I am making friends. That I I just I don't filter myself from the get-go. I have decided people get the real Devony from day one. You're gonna get the real me from day one. Okay, might I be like of course I still have boundaries, right?
Or I'm not gonna share my entire life story day one. However, what I'm saying is my personality and who I am, I'm going to show up very genuinely.
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Chapters
3 chaptersSpeakers
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