316 | how anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing are all connected (and a nervous system based approach to heal) w/ grace secker
episode
Free & Well: Break Free From Anxiety & Overthinking & Feel More Confident With Mental Health Habits, Nervous System Healing & Christian Based Practices
42 min
2 speakers
8 chapters
transcribed 1 month ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Why do anxiety, perfectionism, and people‑pleasing often appear together?
Hello and good morning, friends. So excited that you're here. I'm here with Grace Secker, and I'm so excited for our conversation today. Welcome, Grace.
Thank you for having me. I'm really excited to be here.
Absolutely. Okay, so let's go ahead and just let our listeners learn a little bit about you. So let's just start with your go-to coffee tea beverage lately.
Ooh, I alternate between a, it's like a protein latte. I kind of make my own in the morning slash matcha latte. The other one kind of depends on how I'm feeling.
I love it. I love it.
Hey friend, welcome to the Primo podcast. Are you ready to feel more peace and more confidence? Are you ready to stop second guessing and overthinking so you can be more outgoing, say yes to the adventures and put yourself out there more? Well, you are in the right place. My name is Devani. I'm a therapist, a faith-based yoga teacher, and a dog mom. And I remember being right where you are. Everything changed for me when I started blending mental health faith, and the nervous system. In every episode, I'm going to share with you nuggets from my experiences in the mental health field and my own raw and perfect real-life lessons to help you feel more calm, rewire your brain, and own who you are so that you can start being who God created you to be unapologetically.
Grab yours coffee.
Let's dive in.
Okay. Amazing. And then tell us one of your favorite quote and nugget of some kind that's related to what we're going to be talking about today.
One of the best things that I've heard along my journey is that you cannot come home to yourself if you continue to fight your own self.
Right.
And it might sound really simple because it kind of is. It's like, well, yeah, duh. But so that happens underneath the surface all the time, every day. Like, I mean, so much of us have this self-critical part that runs the show, whether we're consciously aware of it or not. And I've seen that throughout many threads and phases of my journey. So fighting myself has been something I've learned to release in many ways.
So you cannot come home to yourself if you are fighting yourself. So good. I love that. Okay. Amazing. So what we're going to just, we'll just kind of dive into it. Tell me a little bit about, so kind of what we're going to be exploring is like anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, that connection there. Yeah. wherever you feel your heart is leading you of like why this feels important, why this is something that you love talking about, sharing about, why this matters to you.
So, I mean, my quote really fits along with this because I'm only 35, and I feel like I'm that person that's lived a million lives. I was hearing a mentor speak on this. She was sharing an older story and talking about someone who's lived a lot of lives, and I just felt that so deeply. I've just had so many different phases throughout my life and so many different learning journeys to the point where my partner now, I'll tell him about my past and my early 20s, and he's like, He's like, that's so interesting. I just I want to know more about her. I don't even know. Like, who is that? Right. And so anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing has definitely been along my journey in every phase. And it shows up differently in each phase.
And I think that's important because not everyone connects with it. Like when I first was gently nudged about perfectionism by a therapist in my early 20s. She's like, I think you're kind of a perfectionist. It didn't click for me. I kind of put up a defense. I was like, no, that's not really me. And then it was like a light bulb moment over my head. I was like, oh, okay. So my point being is that there's just, we don't always recognize these things about ourself and it looks differently from different places. Yeah.
Yeah, I love that so much. And it is so interesting how it can look so different in different seasons, right? But we can see the thread as we look back, right? Like, oh, I see this theme, I see this thread, but then it looks different and manifests differently in different seasons.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why do anxiety, perfectionism, and people‑pleasing often appear together?
0:00–5:37
2
What does the sentence “You cannot come home to yourself if you continue fighting yourself” really mean?
5:37–10:34
3
Why isn’t the inner critic actually our enemy?
10:34–16:21
4
How can we recognize protective parts instead of judging ourselves?
16:21–21:49
5
Why are our emotions not the same as our identity?
21:49–26:31
6
How does the nervous system drive perfectionism and anxiety?
26:31–32:07
7
What practical steps move us from self‑criticism to self‑compassion?
32:07–37:49
8
Which simple practices can start healing our relationship with ourselves right now?
37:49–42:47
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Free & Well: Break Free From Anxiety & Overthinking & Feel More Confident With Mental Health Habits, Nervous System Healing & Christian Based Practices
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311 | my journey with anxiety & a nervous system aha that changed my whole approach (as a christian therapist & recovering people pleaser)