307 | 5 things I don't do in my friendships anymore as a recovering people pleaser
episodePreviously titled “307 | 5 Things I Don't Do In My Friendships Anymore” — renamed by the publisher on Aug 2, 2026
Free & Well: Break Free From Anxiety & Overthinking & Feel More Confident With Mental Health Habits, Nervous System Healing & Christian Based Practices
12 min
1 speaker
6 chapters
transcribed 1 month ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What non‑negotiable boundaries does the host set for texting friends?
Hey, hey friend, welcome to the podcast. I am so glad you're here. Today I'm gonna be sharing with you a few things that I used to do Often that I used to do that I absolutely do not tolerate anymore. Things that I don't waste my time and energy on that I used to really really struggle with. So I am super excited to share these with you. It's a little fiery. It's a little fiery, but I'm excited. I'm excited. So first one. is going to be that I used to spend hours rereading texts. So imagine that someone texted me, a friend, a family member texted me, and I obviously needed to respond with something. And I would spend hours. Either prepping the text or after I sent it, then worrying about how they were gonna feel, how they might respond.
Okay, here's what I do now instead. Here is the transition that happened. Is I always lead with two things when I'm talking with anyone about Oh my gosh, I'm really worried about what someone else is gonna think about this, and I don't want to hurt their feelings. And I think the heart of that is so good, right? You wanna be kind, you wanna be respectful, and that's what I what I always lead with and what I encourage other people in is we have control. What we have control over is am I being respectful? Am I being honest? Am I being loving? Hey friend, welcome to the Free Mill Podcast. If you're tired of feeling anxious and all the overthinking, if you're ready to feel more calm and confident to start trying new things and being more of your true authentic self, this is the podcast for you.
My name is Devani. I'm an anxiety therapist, confidence coach, and yoga teacher. I'm here to help you use faith, yoga, and mental wellness to create daily healthy habits, start feeling more confident in your own skin, and creating your best life. Grab your iced coffee in your journal, let's go!
Right. So that's all I can sit with on my side of the street.
How does the host handle hurt feelings and encourage open communication?
Is is my response honest, loving, respectful? And then once I put that out into the world, that is not my responsibility of how that other person receives it, as long as I'm being loving, honest, respectful. That response, how they react to that is on them. Енсо, дас the transiн. That I've made and it has been wildly liberating because what happens is there's a couple different things. Now, if someone says something to me and I need to respond, I take a minute, or if I'm being super honest, I can take days to respond to people. I'm not a great texter, but once I sit down with the intention to respond, I will sit down, I will breathe with it for a minute, and then I will respond, right? However, a caveat I will say is that if it's anything serious, I call.
I do not have serious conversations over text. That's not for me. I feel like it gets misconstrued. People get hurt feelings. People it's just I don't do it. But literally making that shift instead of oh my gosh, I need to craft this perfect text to I'm just actually gonna respond in the most loving, respectful, honest way. And just put that out into the world, right? That is huge. Huge, huge, huge. Okay, here's number two. And it's totally a branch off of that first one, is that I have set this expectation in my relationships that if someone has hurt feelings or something that they need to share with me, they will bring it up to me. And vice versa. So if I have hurt feelings, I will bring it up to someone.
And here's why this is so powerful is because say that I send a text and it hurts someone's feelings. Instead of me constantly wondering if someone is upset with me. I just deeply trust that the people that are close to me, if they have a hurt feeling that they know, that I would want to know that. They know that I'm gonna hear that and be a safe space and want to know how they're feeling and if I hurt them and right. Trusting in that and also trusting that I can do that with them. So it creates this beautiful space of Wha I used to really like if someone didn't respond to me within a certain amount of time or if someone acted a little funky to me one day, I used to totally personalize it and wonder, Oh my gosh, are they upset with me?
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What non‑negotiable boundaries does the host set for texting friends?
0:00–2:27
2
How does the host handle hurt feelings and encourage open communication?
2:27–5:09
3
Why does the host no longer spend time with people out of obligation?
5:09–7:32
4
How does the host decide which friends to spend free time with?
7:32–10:00
5
What new approach does the host use when planning weekend activities?
10:00–11:51
6
How does the host shift from people‑pleasing to choosing fun experiences?
11:51–12:15
Speakers
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315 | 6 daily habits I'm trying rn for less overthinking & more peace
313 | we've lost the plot - the 2 things that I believe healing & personal growth is actually about
312 | ready for more confidence?! start with these 2 mindset shifts