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Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, gay triots, they triots, black triots, brown triots, and any other triots that we're missing out, just know that we're here for you. We love you. And every single triple Trumper, we've obviously spoken about the administration. I just want to go at everyday Trumpers. Just the everyday Americans that vote for Trump and still defend him can do what, Pumps?
Fuck off! Pumps, what have you had it with?
Okay, what I've had it with, and I mean, I was so incensed, there was smoke coming out of my ears. What I've had it with is when people bring their toddler to a primarily adult event and and expect other people in the stadium to babysit their child while they're drinking and having a ball.
Their kid is running around and everybody else in the section is responsible for this child because the parents... Okay, so what happened? Game seven of the Thunder game.
We lost. Western Conference Finals.
Western Conference Finals, big game. These people sit down Within the first quarter, this little girl spilled three drinks. And I just want to say this little girl is adorable. So we had to bring everybody down to clean it up three times, which means you can't see. But that's fine. It's fine to bring it up. How old? What age are we talking about here? Two. She had a pacifier. So two-ish.
A pacifier at game seven. Okay.
Okay.
Then she started getting antsy. They load her up with cotton candy. And then they just set her loose.
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Chapter 2: What frustrations arise from bringing children to adult events?
And she's walking up and down the stairs. She's hanging on the things that you hold, like the rail that you hold. You know the little flashers they have attached to the hole? She's licking it. Perfect. The girl in front of me, she must have played peekaboo with her for two quarters. Enabler. Enabler. the NBA people, they were from the NBA because they had on their NBA gear.
They walked down, they pulled the usher up and they said, this, we can't have this. This is unacceptable. This is unacceptable. Before they had even touched the court, the kid was back out there doing it. It got so bad at one point, somebody from like eight rows up who I guess knows the family came and got the little girl and And then she screamed and bawled the entire fourth quarter.
And here's the deal. This little girl could have burst into flames. And the only people in the stadium that wouldn't have noticed would have been the row of her family. And I just thought, how fucking entitled are you that you bring your child to an event? You ignore the child the entire time so that everybody else can babysit it. I have had it. I have had it with that whole thing.
Other adults do not want to babysit your child at an adult event, whether it be a moving, a sporting event, a restaurant. Unless you bring a babysitter, do not bring your child. Get a babysitter at home. It was the most egregious lack of parental supervision that I've ever seen in my entire life.
Well, I was at that game as well, and you were sitting across the court from me. I did not see the toddler terrorist in what you're speaking about, but it would infuriate me. I, myself, was screaming and bawling through the fourth quarter.
Yeah.
Um, but obviously there's a larger issue here and it is this, uh, there's this new trend with young moms and dads where they want to take their kid to everything. Yeah. And there's certain things your kids shouldn't go to like game seven of the NBA Western conference finals. If your child has a pacifier and wears a diaper, it's utterly insane. And the way these parents, and I've seen this happen.
they think their kid is so cute. So special. Everybody does. Everybody does. They project that onto everybody else, which makes me hate a toddler, which is not a good position for the parents to put people in. And I hold the parents accountable. I think her days of terrorizing are only going to get worse with parents that are not reining this in.
And if you can afford, you were in the lower bowl, you had great seats pumped. So if they're sitting by you, these were pricey tickets. If you can afford to go to game seven of the NBA Western Conference Finals and watch Wimby, an extraterrestrial, kick the Thunder's ass, you can afford a fucking babysitter, not to mention the time. This game starts at night. These kids need to be in bed.
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Chapter 3: What is 'catching print' and how is it explained?
I do everything because I've been that young mother before. But I've never been the young mother that took a snotty-nosed toddler terrorist to an NBA basketball game. I would never fucking do that.
Ever.
Never, never. And I will just tell people at home, surprise of all surprises, Jennifer Welch is a baby whisperer. I mean, legit baby whisperer.
The kids like me.
They do.
The kids like me. You don't get to pick who loves you. And the kids love me. They do. You're just love. They really do. The kids see something in me that pumps doesn't. Let's move on from these terrorists. I've had it with men getting rid of all their body hair. And let me give you an example. I was recently with my husband for game seven.
And he likes to parade around the house with his low body fat topless. And he shaved his fucking armpits. Really? I just think it's a bridge too far. I mean, he's a Gen Xer. He's heterosexual. There's just certain areas that men just need to have hair, in my opinion. And I just, I just, I think you got to have your armpit hair.
He claims that there was some deodorant debris with the hair, like deodorant debris caught in the hair. So he just eliminated the arm hair. But what's so hilarious about it is we're sitting at the kitchen island eating and Roman My youngest son is the one that noticed. And he's like, Dad, did you shave your armpits? Which is perfect, right? It's just getting trolled by your youngest son.
So anyway, I just think the hair removal has gone a little bit overboard. We have hair. It's just a part of it. I think that everybody's going a little bit too hardcore on the hair removal, particularly men.
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Chapter 4: How do different types of penis sizes impact perceptions?
We do. This one is Pump Up the Gen, five stars from Adrena. And she says, I have a 16-month-old in the midst of kid jail and listen all the time. My husband picked up talking points to bring to his Trumplican coworkers. I wanted a political podcast that was about that fight, fight, fight.
But for real, I want to join these ladies on the patio chairs, put gloves on and smoke a cig while calling out people in power and holding them accountable. Jennifer has the ability to predict the future and surprisingly not gloat about it. I don't know if that's true. I don't know if that's true.
I think she's being facetious. I think she's totally being facetious there. I think that's deadpan humor via a review.
I would never get over the fact that I predicted an attempted assassination in response to bad polling. So glad I found my community of consensual ball grabbers and look forward to these ladies leading the charge and smacking these politicians around when the time comes for government to correct, prosecute, and guardrails to be rebuilt.
The rapid fire questions to politicians, Jen's efficiency at the finest. Jen, Pumps and Crew, love you all.
I'll tell you what, when I saw that ball grabber, y'all know what I thought about. Let's say it all together. Matt Schlapp. Matt Schlapp, the conservative Christian and his wife Mercedes Schlapp that gets all liquored up and sexually assaults conservative men. We will never quit talking about it, Matt Schlapp. Sometimes I just want you to call me and just say Schlapp the way you say it.
Matt Schlapp. Schlapp.
Yeah, Matt Schlapp and Mercedes are praying through all of his sexual assault allegations. It's interesting. It's just interesting that he's always grabbing penises for an alleged heterosexual when he gets liquored up. It is interesting. Interesting.
Some might say he's in the closet.
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Chapter 5: What are the societal implications of penis size discussions?
Right. And so now everybody's learning that not the sex therapist finally just said it out loud. We've got a cult of men with small penises and they love Trump because they think he has a big penis. Stormy Daniels said it's a nubbin. So I love this, that we're finally talking about this, that the science has caught up with my theory. I mean, my son and I were driving by.
There was a bright orange Lamborghini on Sunday. We were driving by. I go, what does that car tell you about that guy? And he goes, I know, mom, a small penis. And I was like, I'm just glad you know. I'm just glad you know. I'm glad you can spot it. from the road. So yeah, this is obviously been happening for decades and I'm so glad it's now in print. We have scientific people saying it's true.
So one woman interviewed for the article says, talking about men's bodies feels like women's reparations and asks of men, what did you expect when you created this hellscape? And I would even take it further. and say, what did you expect when you voted for Trump? And you have, as Angie mentioned, all of these big trucks with big giant flags in them with truck nuts hanging off of them.
And everybody has to wear their big boy t-shirts where you have the American flag with the black line through it or the American flag with the blue line through it. You can't just live. No, I support law and order. You have to put it all over your clothes and you have to have the eagle and all the shit in your bio. Your bio is the Trump, Trump, Trump thing.
Also, when you vote for a man that gave a microphone a blowjob on the campaign trail and wears a full face of makeup every day and you think he's so alpha and you watch Fox News and you think Jesse Waters and Greg Gutfeld are alpha, the only conclusion the rest of us normal people can draw is that you all have micropenises. Stephen Miller being the ringleader of the micropene brigade.
I mean, when I think of micropenes, I think of Stephen Miller.
Like you said, like Greg Gutfeld, he needs a bra. He's constantly talking about how ugly women are, how women need to do this. Donald Trump constantly calling people ugly and fat. I'm like...
don't get it do these people not have mirrors at their houses that's my first thought like does donald trump not have a mirror he's clearly a beast and all he talks about is fat people i'm like are you kidding me this is what psychiatrists call delusions of grandeur yeah that's the truth um all right in response to this some men are taking matters into their own hands pop this up
Ball maxing, the risky new trend where men are inflating their balls. Men are injecting saline into their testicles to make them look bigger, inflating their scrotums from normal size to as large as grapefruits. The effect lasts 24 to 42 hours before the fluid is reabsorbed by the body. Doctors warn it's quite dangerous, potentially causing infection and long-term damage to the male genitalia.
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