Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV. All our merch can be found for Kill Tony at KillMerch.com. Tony's on a brand new tour. He's going all over the place. So check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything Golden Pony.
And last but not least, don't forget I have a new comedy club called The Sunset Strip. We have a bi-weekly show with the Kill Tony Band. And the secret show is every single Thursday. Get tickets at SunsetStripATX.com. And now a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
hey y'all it is a super duper digital event like nothing we've ever done before a two-night experience unlike anything in kill tony history go to killtonylive.com and get your live streaming tickets for the two arena shows so Much insanity is going to happen. As always, I always keep the guests and anything that I have up my sleeve a complete surprise for you.
But if I told you what was going to happen on these two nights, you would be pumped. And plus, you already know, all your favorite regulars. And, of course, Rick Diaz versus Hans Kim for eternal regularship on the show. A battle of two absolute autistic titans. Who knows what can happen? A lot of special treats. A lot of special guests.
It's going to be like the 10-year anniversary show but on absolute steroids. Super pumped. Get tickets now and support. your favorite show in the world. The number one live podcast started with 14 people in a tiny little room. Now we're going global. That's kill Tony live.com for the amazing two night event, December 30th and 31st. You're going to be sick of your family. Have some laughs.
Enjoy two nights of kill Tony live. Anything can happen.
Kill Tony live.com. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitchcliff!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Oh, make some noise for Red Band, everybody.
Hi!
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Chapter 2: What special events are mentioned in this episode?
Look at that freshie right there. We all had the mothership Christmas party this week, and full recovery thanks to connectmobilehealth.com. Get an IV drip, use the promo code KILL15, save 15%. How about a hand for the band, everybody? Thank you. Michael Gonzalez on the drums. Paul Deamer on the horns. Matt Muehling on the electric guitar. John Dees on the keys.
And this is our good friend Dee Madness on the bass guitar, everybody. Fun show ahead. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode available for you here right now. ninjapartybuses.com where you can reserve your ride to the arena on the 30th and 31st sold out shows in Austin, Texas for this show. How about that?
Go in the arena.
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Before they became a sponsor, I've been using Zippix. They are amazing because I love, you know, I suck my thumb still. I love boobs. And it's a part of the oral gratification that my mom somehow transferred to my brain. And it's amazing sucking on these toothpicks with flavors that keep me coming back to Zippix.
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Chapter 3: Who are the featured guests on this episode?
218 sign-ups. Ooh, there goes one flying. I bet 14 of them are funny. It's a hobo jungle back there right now. It really is. People are trading salt for bullets. It's insane. Yeah. No, it's fucking absolutely wild. And mixed amongst those people are geniuses that are just trying to survive. Some of them wait months and sign up every week.
And a lot of people who have held a baby's head underwater for more than 30 seconds. Yes. That's the majority. But if I pull one of their names out, they get 60 seconds. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten.
Ah!
That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And then I interview them and we find out more about them with our esteemed guest, Sam Talent. And I'm now pre-polling who will be the first comedian out of the bucket. And while we get them from a bar next door, I think we should get the show started with one of our regulars, everybody.
I think you know how this goes. Every single week, this guy does a new 60 seconds and an interview to start each episode. selling out all over the world. When we found him, he was living in a van doing 10-person open mics. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a wild success story. His name is Hans Kim.
Thank you. The ceilings in Brian Redband's club are so high that that's where I go to fly my drone. Yeah, sorry. I had to start out like that. Obviously, you didn't like that one. I don't think everyone who's patriotic is a loser. But I do think everyone who's a loser is going to be a little bit patriotic.
Because if you've got nothing good going on in your life, you're going to be like, well, at least I'm here. Here, here, here, here, here. But yes, you know, it's very sad to know that Joe Biden is still president. I hate Joe Biden so much that I'm racist against old people. Look at this guy walking around like he's the president. Thank you. All right, Hans Kim, ultra light tonight.
I like it. Hell yeah. How we feel, Hans? Great. Hell yeah. Sam, what'd you think about this sweet performance by Hans Kim?
I'm a big fan of Hans offstage. He... Last night, I saw him after the Christmas party here getting choked out by one of the door staff while eight other members of the security team were throwing $1 bills. It looked like the rape of Nanking.
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Chapter 4: What humorous anecdotes are shared during the interview?
Okay, lady, shut the fuck up. We found radio's biggest fan over here. He speaks in a very condescending tone. Yes. Shut up.
I liked a lot when he got to like 45 seconds and he was like, looked at us like, oh God, I have to do another joke. And then he went into the Pokemon material.
Man, I love Pokemon, dude. I grew up playing that shit. I got more to that joke. I'm just saying. There's more. Oh my God. Do you do all 151?
We're getting there. Yeah. No, we're getting there. I'm still tagging that one. I thought she was a jinx, but she was a Mr. Mind.
You're not going to believe this, radio fans, but I know nothing about Pokemon as well. I mean, I'm really out of the loop during this, and I have no references I can make right now. Love you too, man. Hell yeah. So tell us about you. How long have you been doing stand-up?
been doing it just came over a year so okay all of it here in austin oh man i start in dallas i'm from a small town called sulfur springs so it's northeast texas i mean if y'all know where that's at you appear as though you were raised around a lot of sulfur so that makes sense i get the vibe yeah you smell like the night before easter i mean yeah it's a small town it's a good town but yeah
A little known fact about my town. Every fact is a little known fact about your town. You're going to love this, Tony. I'm literally finding out about Sulphur. You can say anything. You're going to love this.
They have glass bathrooms in their downtown, and it's mirrored on the outside, but you can see everything around you. There's also a place where kids splash around, so during the daytime, if you're a pervert, you can... Anyways, it's...
If you were a pervert. I like that disclaimer you put on there. That's kind of what we think it's there for. I hope I don't get killed saying this. Did you say that was a fun fact? The old glass bathrooms. Not a lot of people know we got glass bathrooms downtown. So basically, I'm looking women right in the eyes while taking a monster shit. Do you know what I'm saying?
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Chapter 5: What personal experiences does Ari share about relationships?
Well, my girlfriend broke up with me recently, and that sucks. It sucks because I have the same taste in women as black guys. So that kind of kills my self-confidence. Because that's the last group of guys I really want to compete against. Like if it was just me and Asian dudes and the thick overweight white women, that'd be a dream come true. Listen, I have a type and it's a type two.
A little bit about me.
I'm fat, ugly, straight. So basically I'm two thirds of a trans woman.
That's a good joke.
I'm like a natural trans, though. Like, I was born with a dick, and then I grew tits.
I'm a... Fuck yeah. Trenton Tebow. Way to pull it out. Rock solid. Oh, no.
Boo.
The people booing Ari's pants going back on. A sad moment in history. If you're here, who's working at Bucky's? If you're here, who's killing all the nurses? Yeah. Yeah. I work at Popeyes as a diversity hire. You really work at Popeyes?
That's not bad. He's the only pink employee.
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Chapter 6: What are the comedic dynamics when discussing job experiences?
Okay, so you're like a real true country fucking bumpkin, am I right? You would be exactly correct. It takes a real fucking middle of nowhere gagoots to make fishing lures. So I want to find out more about this treacherous lifestyle of yours. Hold on, we have to let this man with full-blown AIDS get to the restroom real quick. I don't know if you guys see the specimen.
Yeah, it's bloody urine for sure coming out. Okay, so go ahead.
Spots.
Tell us about your trashy childhood. It's a lot better than what you think it would be, honestly, by listening to me.
Was your dad Theo Vaughn?
No, Theo Vaughn's successful. He looks like Theo Vaughn Dutch. My mom spent a little time in Louisiana, so he might be.
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Chapter 7: How does the conversation shift to personal struggles and humor?
Where'd you grow up? I grew up about three hours north of here, west of Fort Worth. Okay. Enter Wells, Texas. Ooh, you ever heard of Sulphur Springs? Is that where Cars is? Yes, I have. That's where they shot some of the movie Radio. So, Trenton, tell us more about you. What do you like to do for fun? What are some interesting things about Trenton? I'm pretty boring.
I like to fish a lot, and that's about it. Come on, you pet animals too hard?
I really don't have much of a life. I've been hitting the bars lately since my girlfriend left me. How long were you with her for?
I'm sorry? How long were you with her for? I was with her for like two and a half years.
Chapter 8: What insights are shared about the Estonian culture and comedy?
What happened there? I have no idea.
She just decided to leave me on September 11th. September 11th? Oh my goodness. Did she at least say Allah Allah Akbar first? No, she didn't. Not a big history buff.
At least you'll never forget.
You will remember now. That's a good point, Sam. Don't play the Jewish music during that joke. We know who really did 9-11. Only we could have. Such a coordinated attack. Yeah, take some intelligence. All right, so she broke up with you on 9-11. Where was this? Was this at your place? Was it at a restaurant? It was over the phone. Bitch. I know, that's what I'm saying. Really?
I'm guessing it was over speakerphone on the bus. Two and a half years. Two and a half years over the phone. What did she say to you when she broke up with you? Just tell us what she actually said. I'm tired of your hell raising, Trenton.
You spend so much time at that catfish pit. You come home with all types of dog food between your fingers. Then you want to put it in my hole?
No more of that, brother. I don't want any kibbles in my bits. I'm going to Jackson. Basically, I told her we weren't going to get married, so she said, I can't do this anymore. Told her you're not going to get married. Yeah, that's exactly right. That's crazy. She was hoping to marry you.
So is it weird not talking to your sister again?
So why didn't you want to get married? Former relationship really ruined that for me. Tell us what happened there. I was just with another chick for like five years and real pressured into getting married, and I just fell out of love with her. And it ended up, every relationship ends up going bad for you because they want to marry you.
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